I’ve been married for 16 years and I have two primary aged children. I’ve never been fully happy, right from the start but I’ve managed to fill my life in other ways. I don’t think I’ve ever really felt as I should but I ended up getting married quite young as there seemed no way out of it. I know, I know, not great, but I was only 20 and dh is nine years my senior.
Anyway it’s not all been bad but I am so bored. Dh does nothing with us and now I’ve reached the point where I don’t want him to because I’ve nothing to say to him and it’s one long pretence on my part. He finishes work and lies on ‘his sofa’ with ‘his tv’ and puts on whatever it is he wants to watch and that’s it for the evening. It’s always been that way.
He talks to the children in a very over the top way, daddy’s prince, daddy’s princess, so precious, love my family so much etc. To me he says I’m never allowed to leave him, asks how much I love him, do I love him more than I used to? Less? As much? Grabs hold of me and says ‘who do you belong to’ that sort of thing.
He has a temper as well. Which sometimes will unexpectedly flair.
I don’t have a job or access to any money which is going to be very difficult. I don’t see how I can say to him that I want to split up - which he won’t want - and expect him to leave. I will have to leave with the children and I will have nothing. I was volunteering pre covid with the hopes of finding a job when my youngest dc starts school properly this September - but now I’m thinking that will be very difficult if the schools are in and out and there will be so many people after one job. I will try but who will want to employ someone who has been a SAHM for four years and is knocking on to boot. I’m not hugely employable even if accept I will have to take any job I can get and can’t be choosy. Dh earns a six figure salary. I know it’s my fault for giving up my job - before anyone says it. I’m aware I was an idiot.
Is being unhappy enough to want to leave? Feeling that I’m not who I was when I married? Is that good enough? When there are children involved? It feels massively selfish...I suppose because it is. I’ve checked out. I don’t know how to check back in. It’s always felt an unequal relationship where he holds the power, although maybe he doesn’t see it like that. We operate on a very superficial level. I don’t tell him things and I never have really. I presume it’s the same for him but I don’t know for sure. Having a discussion around it seems impossible when there’s no closeness there. We never have sex. He makes comments to me about certain things which I don’t like but perhaps if I actually wanted to sleep with him I’d like it.