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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do I need to stop speaking to him? (Talk some sense into me )

110 replies

harryberry44 · 20/07/2020 14:22

I was seeing a guy and he didn't want to commit so I ended it as it was going nowhere fast.
There were times it felt like it was then he ran away.
Anyway a month later we began texting again.
He has been lovely these last two months.
Chatting on phone.
Texting all the time,told me I looked nice on Saturday on a night out.
He's been supportive with my mum in hospital.
He is currently on holiday.
He text me earlier saying he's son has told him it's time he settled down.
He says so now he's going on a double date on Friday night.
I reply "oh well I'm sure you will have a good time"
He replied "no I won't"
Why tell me.
He knows I have feelings
He would never class us as "dating"
Now he's telling me he's going on a double date.
It makes me feel like shit
Like I'm not good enough etc
Part of me feels like just saying
Look I still have feelings with you
I don't want to know who your dating
Stop texting and phoning me.
I need to stop
He's hurting me.

OP posts:
OhCaptain · 20/07/2020 19:54

Why are you waiting to see if he goes on a date or not?

He either wants you or he doesn’t. And he clearly doesn’t.

Where’s your self-respect?!

Cherrybakewellard · 20/07/2020 20:25

Ok so just block him. Why are you waiting to see if the date happens? If this one doesn't, what happens? You wait until he goes on another date with someone else? Until you see him on tinder?

For fuck sakes just block him for your own sanity!

namechangedforthis123456 · 20/07/2020 20:27

In a similar situation OP. Please block him. Don't end up like me, 4 months down the line

Closetbeanmuncher · 20/07/2020 22:15

You're just something to pass the time and an ego boost. Some people really aren't that deep.

BLOCK

alfrew · 20/07/2020 23:26

Block him. He'll hate that.

Original poster
harryberry44 · 21/07/2020 08:24

Think everyone is in agreement regarding just blocking.
He is on holiday ..you think he would have better things to do with his time.

OP posts:
GilbertMarkham · 21/07/2020 08:27

Some people just like the attention, validation and "company". If you give it to them, they'll keep taking it ..
But they won't get into a relationship.

(Or if they do it would be a dissatisfactory one in which they'd be barely committed and would very likely end it if and when something "better" came along).

OnceUponAPotato · 21/07/2020 08:28

This is nothing to do with you, he is just an arsehole who enjoys playing mind games and hurting people. Stop replying and block him. Whether what he is saying is true is totally irrelevant, and you do not owe him anything.

Original poster
harryberry44 · 21/07/2020 08:30

Im unsure why he thought telling me that was a good idea.
What he was hoping to achieve when he knows I have feelings.
It's just cruel.
Anyway I'm going to take the advice.

OP posts:
LetsHearItForTheBuoy · 21/07/2020 08:33

See I think by blocking him, he will get a smug satisfaction that he's got to you.
If you are strong enough OP then continue to receive his messages and just ignore them.
He's obviously a complete dickhead and a player so you have had a lucky escape but you need to be resolute in the fact he isn't relationship material.

Windmillwhirl · 21/07/2020 08:35

Stop trying to work him out.

He is an absolute loser for telling you about the double date, that's all you need to know.

thesunwillout · 21/07/2020 08:36

Just block him, I know you want your say, you want to understand why etc.
But if he really truly wanted you as his partner, and cared and respected you he'd have asked by now.

He would like you so much he'd ensure it!

You'll never feel cherished by this person.
There's no point in wishing, wondering etc, all it's doing is devaluing your self esteem.

He really sounds like a child op.

Original poster
harryberry44 · 21/07/2020 09:57

I've been acting stupid recently.
Putting more pics than usual on social media,went out on Saturday,posted pics having a good time.
Trying to show him that I'm not moping over him.
It just keeps going round in my head.
Just when I think he's being a decent guy he does something shitty again.
I have to be done.
It's hard to block him I won't lie.
I want him so much (pathetic as it sounds )

OP posts:
letsdolunch321 · 21/07/2020 10:07

How old are you?

Why have you not blocked this idiot?

OhCaptain · 21/07/2020 10:13

You honestly sound like a teenager, OP.

This has to stop. You're making a show of yourself!

Original poster
harryberry44 · 21/07/2020 10:18

I'm 27.
@OhCaptain I am making a total show of myself.
I'm chasing a looser around.
I need to snap out of this fantasy.

OP posts:
Original poster
harryberry44 · 21/07/2020 10:18

That was meant to be 35 not 27 (typo )

OP posts:
Onemansoapopera · 21/07/2020 10:29

OP.

He truly truly does not give a crap. He doesn't want to be in any kind of meaningful relationship with you and probably anyone else.

If you block him, he probably won't even notice but do it anyway not for him, because he'll just find someone else to do it to, but for you. He's honestly not interested in you as a person, or your feelings and he doesn't see you as any kind of prospective partner. At 35, you need to evolve out of the fishing Saturday night out pics etc. My daughter does this and at 18 she's really old enough to know better let alone 35. If you were my best friend I'd be taking you for cocktails and leaving phones at home so you could meet someone else and stop giving headspace to this guy. He's. Not. The. One. Block and let go.

Choppedupapple · 21/07/2020 10:35

I think that he will treat the person he is going on the date with exactly the same, you are no better or worse than her just further along in his games.

He might be telling you to test your response, see if he can have you for casual sex or ego boosting.

Block him, don’t explain

Willowmartha1 · 21/07/2020 10:36

I know exactly how you feel and it's driving me crazy! I met someone before lockdown, I wasn't particularly looking to meet anyone but he was a friend of a friend and we clicked, we had a couple of dates before lockdown and during lockdown he messaged and called loads. We had a couple of socially distanced walks when lockdown eased slightly and last week we went out for a drink together. We met up with the friend of his who let slip that this guy already had a girlfriend and assumed we were just friends !!! I'd already heard the guy asking his next door neighbour if he would mind keeping an eye on his place as he was going away for the weekend which set alarm bells for me and I jokingly said to him 'dirty weekend is it' to which the response was 'you don't need to know'. Turns out he was seeing the girlfriend at the weekend after all. Last weekend was torture imaging them together having a lovely time and jealousy reared it's ugly head thinking why her and not me. In my state of anger on the night I discovered he had a girlfriend I messaged him to say 'hope you enjoy your dirty weekend' to which he ignored me so I was right all along. I haven't heard from him since but have archived all our chats on WhatsApp so I don't have to see the messages anymore !! It's very hard and it's put me off dating again, I can't cope with the crap feelings.

kazzer2867 · 21/07/2020 10:47

@harryberry44

Are you the poster who thought they were in a relationship and he told you he didn't want to commit? Did you post about this last week?

OhCaptain · 21/07/2020 10:49

@kazzer2867 I thought that but the language seems different?

Original poster
harryberry44 · 21/07/2020 10:55

@kazzer2867 no.
I've never thought it was a relationship.
I would be lying if I said I didn't want a relationship but he wouldn't even commit to "dating" never mind any ideals of a relationship.

OP posts:
Smartanimal · 21/07/2020 10:57

He’s a player. Forget him.

Lobelia123 · 21/07/2020 10:59

I can guarantee you he knows you still have feelings for him and is getting his jollies jerking you around. Kill it and cut him off.

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