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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do I need to stop speaking to him? (Talk some sense into me )

110 replies

harryberry44 · 20/07/2020 14:22

I was seeing a guy and he didn't want to commit so I ended it as it was going nowhere fast.
There were times it felt like it was then he ran away.
Anyway a month later we began texting again.
He has been lovely these last two months.
Chatting on phone.
Texting all the time,told me I looked nice on Saturday on a night out.
He's been supportive with my mum in hospital.
He is currently on holiday.
He text me earlier saying he's son has told him it's time he settled down.
He says so now he's going on a double date on Friday night.
I reply "oh well I'm sure you will have a good time"
He replied "no I won't"
Why tell me.
He knows I have feelings
He would never class us as "dating"
Now he's telling me he's going on a double date.
It makes me feel like shit
Like I'm not good enough etc
Part of me feels like just saying
Look I still have feelings with you
I don't want to know who your dating
Stop texting and phoning me.
I need to stop
He's hurting me.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 20/07/2020 15:40

Nasty piece of work.
Block.

Work on yourself OP.
You deserve better than this.Flowers

GilbertMarkham · 20/07/2020 15:41

*your

GilbertMarkham · 20/07/2020 15:42

Staying in contact with him is just hurting you, so you're going to have to go cold turkey. You will stop thinking about him and you will get perspective in time.

Lochie662 · 20/07/2020 15:46

Another one to say block, leave now while you've still got you're dignity intact.

Imagine there is a man who has feelings for you, imagine telling him your thinking of settling down... Then telling him you have a double date on Friday.

How much respect do you have for him? None.

And this man has no respect for you.

Cherrybakewellard · 20/07/2020 15:46

I would text him and say you hope the date goes well however for everyone's sake it's probably best to cut contact now.
Part of me thinks he's only saying that in the hope that you'll bite and beg him for another go.
My attitude has always been to say what I mean and mean what I say.

Please, please just text him and tell him you have feelings and for your own sanity you wish him well with the date and his future.
If he doesn't come back declaring his undying straight away it's a block block block

Cherrybakewellard · 20/07/2020 15:46

I would text him and say you hope the date goes well however for everyone's sake it's probably best to cut contact now.
Part of me thinks he's only saying that in the hope that you'll bite and beg him for another go.
My attitude has always been to say what I mean and mean what I say.

Please, please just text him and tell him you have feelings and for your own sanity you wish him well with the date and his future.
If he doesn't come back declaring his undying straight away it's a block block block

Original poster
harryberry44 · 20/07/2020 16:15

This has proven if he ever got in a relationship I would be a mess.
Jealous /upset etc
No good can come from this.

OP posts:
HGKPG · 20/07/2020 16:33

As an outsider I can see what everyone is saying. I also see how you're feeling. I'd want to express my feelings but wouldn't.. Maybe he's testing you but do you want to play games?

BumbleBeee69 · 20/07/2020 16:42

Block

ChristmasFluff · 20/07/2020 16:47

No good can come from this because he is a person who likes to mess with other people's heads and to hurt them for fun.

It's not a question of you being better or worse than this other (probably non-existent) girl. It's all about how he is a piece of shit and not worth you keeping him stuck to your shoe.

Just block him.

Original poster
harryberry44 · 20/07/2020 17:32

It is,any decent person wouldn't of even mentioned it as it's not important.
He knows how I feel about him.
Apparently my feelings are just a game to him.
Nobody needs self esteem trod all over repeatedly.

OP posts:
verypeckish · 20/07/2020 17:39

@harryberry44

It is,any decent person wouldn't of even mentioned it as it's not important. He knows how I feel about him. Apparently my feelings are just a game to him. Nobody needs self esteem trod all over repeatedly.
If you really don't want to just block him with no explanation, then send him a variant of what you've written:

"You know how I feel about you.
Apparently my feelings are just a game to you.
I don't need my self esteem trod all over repeatedly."

Then block him.

Lochie662 · 20/07/2020 17:42

Honestly, I think he's done it to get a reaction from you, he's playing with your head. At the same time he's playing down excitement about it. If you kept talking to him, you'd get that the date wasn't great, but then there will be a second date or another date with another woman, and before you know it you're listening to him complain about the cost of his upcoming wedding ( this actually happened to me). Just block him .

You are worth someone who would hurt you for anything.

Original poster
harryberry44 · 20/07/2020 17:58

I know a couple of people have suggested telling him how I feel..but he already knows how I feel so it's pointless.
Plus the fact he has deliberately told me about that "date" when he knows how I feel.
I'm tired of him,I just need him out my life.
The only thing I ever wanted was us to actually officially "date" he knows this,it's just cruel.

OP posts:
Lochie662 · 20/07/2020 18:04

I meant to say " you are worth being with someone who wouldn't hurt you for anything"

category12 · 20/07/2020 18:06

Why does he do it? He does it for the power trip.

He enjoys having you dangling and hopeful, and he tests you to see just how much you'll put up with or ignore. It gives him the happies to treat you cruelly and still have you hanging out for him.

It's a massive rush for his ego.

If you cut him off, he may come chasing, but as soon as he gets you hooked again, he'll be playing silly arse again.

Block him everywhere and stop hurting yourself.

DarkHelmet · 20/07/2020 18:22

I completely understand wanting to say your piece before blocking him, but I honestly don't think he deserves an explanation because he already KNOWS how you feel.

anotherdisaster · 20/07/2020 18:25

You dented his ego by ending it so now he's trying to make you jealous. BLOCK

Original poster
harryberry44 · 20/07/2020 19:33

He's just sent me random pics of his holiday
I haven't replied I can't be arsed
I'm not gonna explain anything I don't think
If this date is real and does happen I'm blocking him.

OP posts:
category12 · 20/07/2020 19:36

if this date is real and does happen I'm blocking him

Why wait?

This is hurting you repeatedly and he's clearly not interested in you properly. He's not your friend, he's not your lover, he's not anything.

Stop doing this to yourself. Block him now.

MattBerrysHair · 20/07/2020 19:44

If this date is real and does happen I'm blocking him.

If it's not real and he's just testing you then it's even more reason to block him! Headfuckery is not a good trait in a partner. Just block and have done with it.

edwinbear · 20/07/2020 19:46

I had one exactly like this OP. Kept me dangling, always happy to hook up, let me pay for things, would ignore me for weeks on end, then pop back up again.

It came to a head a week ago, I DID tell him exactly how I felt. He told me ‘I’m sorry, I don’t feel the same’. Honestly, I wish I’d not pushed him to the point where he had to spell it out. If you think him telling you about his date hurts, imagine the sting when he actually confirms what you already know.

Better to block and walk away with a tiny bit of ‘what if’ left.

Costacoffeeplease · 20/07/2020 19:50

Why wait? If it’s real it’s a headfuck, if it’s not it’s even worse. Either way you need to block him now

Lipz · 20/07/2020 19:52

He's an arsehole. He's enjoying upsetting you and I think we all meet dicks like this. He's wanting to hurt you, make you jealous and hoping you're pinning for him. If it were me I'd block and ignore, I WOULD NOT give an explanation or tell him how I'm feeling, that is what he wants, he's laughing at you, looking for an ego boost. If you feel you need to text him something then say "sorry can't really talk, getting ready to go out, enjoy your dates" then block him.

artyandtarty · 20/07/2020 19:54

Why are you still messaging this guy & where is your self respect OP?

Block the attention seeking tosser.

He wants you to do the 'pick me' dance .

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