Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband leaving me every month

94 replies

Mylifeisamess27 · 17/07/2020 11:16

Hi everyone. This is my 1st post on here so don’t judge. Just wanted some opinions. My husband constantly acts like he’s single. He goes on loads of holidays with his mates and am left looking after my 2 dc on my own. He doesn’t help me with any work in the house and when he gets home from work he’s constantly on his phone with his arse on the sofa. Would you be annoyed if he went on holiday every month. He thinks because he works he should get a few days break every month.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 17/07/2020 11:19

When do you get a break then? He seems to be acting like a single man.

Anordinarymum · 17/07/2020 11:20

How long have you been with him OP? You say you have 2 children with him. I don't know how or why you put up with this sort of behaviour !

Original poster
Mylifeisamess27 · 17/07/2020 11:20

I don’t get a break. Wat should I do. Leave his arse

OP posts:
Coffeecak3 · 17/07/2020 11:21

I'd be changing the locks next time he went on a jaunt.
Book yourself a holiday and leave dc with him.

Original poster
Mylifeisamess27 · 17/07/2020 11:22

I have been with him for 12 years. Didn’t realise he would be so selfish. If I try talking to him he just says he deserves it and that I shouldn’t stop him. He’s gone Amsterdam today for 3 nights. Really in a pisses of mood feel like leaving him

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 17/07/2020 11:22

I wouldn't see any point to living with a man like that.

Original poster
Mylifeisamess27 · 17/07/2020 11:23

He thinks I am controlling by refusing him to do any where

OP posts:
Original poster
Mylifeisamess27 · 17/07/2020 11:23

Sorry meant go anywhere

OP posts:
FilledSoda · 17/07/2020 11:23

Leave him and then he'll have the kids half the time

Heismyopendoor · 17/07/2020 11:24

What? Why are you with him?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/07/2020 11:25

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

He sounds like a selfish entitled manchild who uses "being at work" to do nothing within the home.

Do you ever get any time away with your friends like he does?. Probably not and that is because you are always there paddling away furiously. If he adopted such an attitude to his job he would likely be sacked.

Men are not children although some women do treat them like such. He thinks that housework and childcare are beneath him i.e that's your job because you are female. He does not respect you nor care about you at all here does he?.

Would suggest you read this article:-www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/07/2020 11:26

Use this time wisely whilst he is gone. I would be looking into planning your exit from this relationship otherwise you will merely be in for more of the same from him.

Anordinarymum · 17/07/2020 11:27

Seriously OP. I would change the locks while is is away. Text him on his way home and tell him he does not live here anymore. Put his stuff into bin liners and leave it outside just before he gets there, and if he kicks off call the cops.

MizMoonshine · 17/07/2020 11:28

Get a job, OP.
Balance the scales. Make him pay for childcare, make him help around the house. Go on your own holidays. Stop letting him get away with being a dick.

Or just leave him.

maudspellbody · 17/07/2020 11:29

Leave him. It can be good for the children, oddly.

My DD's father was disengaged and selfish. He had nothing to do with her when she was little.

After I threw him out he had to take care of her on his own every other weekend and a couple of week nights. It's still crap and he is still unreliable, but for a few days a week he has to have a relationship with, and focus on, his daughter. They have a relationship now that they would never have had if we had stayed together.

Plus, I get a bit of time for me now, which I never had before, so I am a better parent too.

He adds nothing to your life now - and even if he disappeared and had nothing to do with your DC, you wouldn't be living with constant resentment. That's a toxic feeling.

Original poster
Mylifeisamess27 · 17/07/2020 11:29

I guess you guys a right. Thankyou for replying back

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/07/2020 11:30

People who are married or in a civil partnership are not allowed to change the locks on their family home, if it has been, the main matrimonial home during the marriage or civil partnership. This is the case whether only one or both of you own or rent the home.

I would seek legal advice OP in the event you do want to leave him also because knowledge is power.

PheasantPlucker1 · 17/07/2020 11:31

Before you leave the useless man child, book yourself a couple of nights away.

Dont ask him, dont tell him until you leave. Youll need the break before you become a single parent.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/07/2020 11:32

Do you have access to funds? Can you book a few days away for when he's not working? So when he comes in on a Friday, have your bag packed and tell him you're going away for the weekend, you'll be back Sunday. When he queries it tell him yo u deserve it.

How old are the kids?

Original poster
Mylifeisamess27 · 17/07/2020 11:35

I do have funds but he can’t look after the kids. He don’t know nothing about them. Dd is 3 and ds is 9 months

OP posts:
AnotherBiteMe · 17/07/2020 11:35

God he sounds awful. Yes leave this man child ASAP.

Do you have a plan ?

Original poster
Mylifeisamess27 · 17/07/2020 11:38

Am thinking of packing up and staying home my parents while I find another accommodation. Last year he was on a break every month. This year Hasn’t been on one because of this pandemic. This is his 1st trip and he’s got another one booked next month to Morocco

OP posts:
RedOasis · 17/07/2020 11:39

When’s you’re break away with your friends then?

Choppedupapple · 17/07/2020 11:42

Who is he going away with?

Original poster
Mylifeisamess27 · 17/07/2020 11:42

My breaks are only with my children. He never books anything for me and him alone. He sees me as a mother and that when we do stuff we should do it as a family. I never get a break sometimes on weekend for an hour or maybe two

OP posts: