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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Tired husbands!!!!!

39 replies

sheepgirl · 27/09/2007 22:07

Ok this is the scenario - I've been running around all day with my 7 mths baby. Then finally it's bedtime. Once he's down I'm sorting out bottles/cleaning the kitchen/having a shower/putting on dinner and everything else us busy mums do. When I finally sit down my husband walks in from work. Once he sits down that's is it he won't be getting up for love of money. If you do ask him to do anything (I am referring to something like would he mind serving himself) he simply says "oh can't you do it I'm really tired". I have to stop myself from screaming at him...like I've just been sitting on my arse all day

OP posts:
PondusLector · 27/09/2007 22:09

i would indulge in a bit of competitive fatigue
perhaps you need to let him know exactly how you feel
you have my sympathy

Original poster
sheepgirl · 27/09/2007 22:15

Oh I often tell him about my day and how totally knackered I am. He just looks at me attempting to put a look of sympathy on his face but I can see he is think "oh stop nagging woman".

OP posts:
nell12 · 27/09/2007 22:17

Just tell him you are too tired to do anything for him...

He will soon get the message!

HappyDaddy · 27/09/2007 22:27

Just tell him to fuck off. That ought to do it.

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 27/09/2007 22:28

LOL.. well done HD

PSCMUM · 27/09/2007 22:40

i would dump the dinner on his head. i really would.

with ex p, and dad of oldest 2, i use to pour water over his head when he would not get up in the morning after I had been up all night feeding etc. I just thought FK you, we are in this together, you can bloody well pull your weight. men are pathetic. My mum regularly asks my dad what they are actually there for. He is not sure anymore.

HappyDaddy · 28/09/2007 12:53

Some men are pathetic, not all.

Anna8888 · 28/09/2007 13:03

I don't know... work can be extremely tiring. I have one daughter (and two stepsons) and looking after my family doesn't even come close to work in making me tired. I'm on holiday .

splishsplosh · 28/09/2007 13:07

My dp is always tired too. So tired in fact that he needs to sleep a lot in the day at the weekend (although he's done well the last 2 weekends, after 1.5years of me nagging!!!)
He doesn't start work till midday sometimes, and gets up at the last possible moment to go to work, instead of leaping out of bed enthusiatically to see dd, and share the work load, as i think he should!

Strangely though, his exhaustion never ever stops him sitting up late watching films, or enjoying long nights out with his pals.

Wish I could swap bodies with him for a day so he finds out what real tiredness feels like - though would love to have done this a year ago, when dd was waking all though the night, and rarely slept in the day either.

belgo · 28/09/2007 13:08

Anna - dh tells me I have permenant holiday!

But there have been times over the last few years when I've been more tired then I have ever been in my life, and it effected my health.

belgo · 28/09/2007 13:09

I walked around like a zombie for six months after dd2 was born.

Splishsplosh - snap, my dh also stays up watching TV.

Anna8888 · 28/09/2007 13:12

Belgo - the immense fatigue of work affected my health...

Both being a SAHM and being at work can be tiring. But if the OP only has one child to look after, I'm afraid that I have a sneaking feeling that her husband has a chance of being more tired than she

belgo · 28/09/2007 13:15

oh Anna controversial !

I think you've forgotton how tiring a seven month old baby can be - of course some babies just sit there doing nothing, but other babies keep you on your feet constantly, and wake up several times a night!

Also depends on the job. some jobs are more tiring then others (stating the obvious!)

splishsplosh · 28/09/2007 13:16

Belgo - my dp thinks my life is made up of coffe and cake meetings. Not sure how he thinks all his meals get made, his clothes washed (and picked up from the floor where he dropped them!!!! etc)

Just had mc, which did motivate him to take dd out all afternoon last saturday and sunday, and at last he realised it's actually quite tiring running about after a toddler. Hooray! Just hope that after a weekend of toddler care, and a week of work, he won't fnind it impossible to stir from his bed at all this weekend!!!

pixelchick · 28/09/2007 13:16

Sheepgirl, he needs to see what you do. Do you ever take time off? Does he know what a day and a night with full house & baby responsbility is?

oranges · 28/09/2007 13:16

hhhmmm, I had a thing that I had to get the house all sorted before dh got home when I was on maternity leave. He never noticed and I just got resentful. Why don't you just sit and read a book after putting the baby to bed, and then sort dinner out etc with him when he gets back?

belgo · 28/09/2007 13:17

Splish - sorry to hear about your mc. I also had one this summer.

Have to admit though, sometimes my life is coffee mornings and cake, but I feel I earn it

belgo · 28/09/2007 13:19

oh yes, they will think if the house is clean and tidy it's because it never gets dirty and untidy, and not because you've cleaned and tidied it!

splishsplosh · 28/09/2007 13:21

Anna - of course work can be tiring, especially if you are responsible for childcare too. But I know many people who find it easier on the days they work, than the days they are at home with their young chilren, and relish the fact that they get a moment to themselves, a lunch break, chance to go to the toilet alone, have a hot drink etc etc.

belgo · 28/09/2007 13:24

yes it would be nice to go to the toilet without company!

Anna8888 · 28/09/2007 13:25

Well, I must have had a very easy baby - at seven months she was an angel and I have loads of photos to prove it... fewer from later when she got on the move .

pixelchick · 28/09/2007 13:33

I remember taking myself off for the day occasionally to "show" him how hard it was. I'd just get back home with twice the work to do. It happened a few times and then decided it's best not to bother. Sad.

lornaloo · 28/09/2007 13:35

My partner is always tired (he has M.E) BUT he also seems to suffer from insomnia which is often his excuse for staying up late watching films. Very aggrivating!

mummydoc · 28/09/2007 13:47

I'm wwith anna8888 , if you opt to be a sahm that is your job , cleaning , cooking etc, your Dp or Dh is doing a job too all day, I can see it is nice if when they get home they understand that both of you have had hard days , albet in differing ways, but why to sahm presume that Dp or Dh should get home from a whole day at work and then immediately start some domestic work ? IMo that isn't particulary fair . If you don't like it go out to work yourself and then split the domestic work

belgo · 28/09/2007 13:50

I don't expect my dh to do any domestic 'duties'.

The washing machine, dishwasher and hoover do most of the work for me.

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