Tired husbands!!!!!

[sheepgirl]

Ok this is the scenario - I've been running around all day with my 7 mths baby. Then finally it's bedtime. Once he's down I'm sorting out bottles/cleaning the kitchen/having a shower/putting on dinner and everything else us busy mums do. When I finally sit down my husband walks in from work. Once he sits down that's is it he won't be getting up for love of money. If you do ask him to do anything (I am referring to something like would he mind serving himself) he simply says "oh can't you do it I'm really tired". I have to stop myself from screaming at him...like I've just been sitting on my arse all day

I just expect dp to spend time with ds so I can get on with other things and because ds adores time with his daddy.

I'm with Anna on this as, I think, would DW. DW went back to work when DD was 6 months old and was unpleasantly surprised to find that she was more knackered than she had been at home with DS (and he was an active little chap as well...) One of my best friends from uni went back to work four weeks ago, leaving 9 month old with SAHD, and she's absolutely shattered.

Yes, you might find time to read a paper on the train in and time for a coffee at lunch but try seeing how much sympathy you get at an all day client meeting kicking off at 8am when you've only slept a couple of hours the previous night and can't think straight.

That being said, we've always split everything including night feeds and I cook when I get in each night and DW sorts out other stuff (like washing) so I've got f*ck all sympathy for your bloke being too knackered to help.

I think if your DH is too tired to move from his chair and dish up himself then he should perhaps get a medical once-over. Or do some more exercise. Fatigue like that is excessive surely?

When I went back to work part time after having ds I found Id come home with alot more energy to do household chores than I did when at home all day with ds. I think time away from home in a different environment can be quite refreshing.

I do think it depends on how demanding for job is. Some people with high profile jobs need to just switch off when they get home.

My DH and I always have competitive tiredness. I have a very active, very "spirited" DS who is 19 months, and am 22 weeks pg with twins. DH works a longish day, but also goes to the gym at lunch / after work, plus stays up later than me to watch tv. I totally understand that work is knackering, I used to do it myself... but he *chooses" to stay up late, and to go to the gym very frequently, rather than resting. I rest whenever i can and am still shattered .

Saying that my DH would never sit in a chair and expect me to wait on him hand and foot when he gets home . He does have the ability to get a plate from the kitchen etc and sometimes even take a dirty plate back into the kitchen!

egg - totally understand the competitive tiredness syndrome!

my dp remains far from perfect...as do i...but i did once say ,almost lightheartedly

''im not YOUR mother'' with great results

however HE still comes out with classics such as ''im letting my dinner go down''...whilst turning the page of the paper..not even looking at me...in an infuriatingly 'this is my human right' tone...when it is ten to seven and our fractious son and baby do their thing!!

I have to say, my DH always says he's tired, partly it's something to say, partly it's attention seeking, which I think lots of men do when there is a baby in the house.

TBH I'd have no patience with a DH like Sheepgirl's, but I think Sheepgirl that your approach is a bit wonky.

Your dh gets home and sees baby fast asleep, you sitting serenely in a chair, kitchen tidy, no evidence of you faffing about with bottles etc.
At the very least, I would sit down after putting baby to bed, have a rest, then start with tidying kitchen etc when DH gets in, let him see what has to be done, maybe ask him to help ("just pass me the ....." or "could you just dry this ....")

TBH with a young baby I think it's a shame that Daddy doesn't get to see them, do the occasional bathtime etc in the evening.
I'd be very inclined to move your baby's day down an hour or two, (maybe longer/later naps), so your DH is sharing in parenting, not JUST bringing home the bacon.

The quicker/easier alternative of course, when he asks if you can serve his dinner, is to reply "Darling, I am your wife, mother to your child, your soulmate in life. I am NOT your blardy servant. Now I've cooked it, surely you can at least PUT IT ON A PLATE yourself."

I'm with lornaloo. I used to be a lot less tired when I got in on the days I worked, than when I'd spent a day with dd as a baby. I'd happily get in a 6pm and do some chores, whereas at 6pm on a "home" day I'd be whacked.

Clumsymum I do that sometimes, make sure I look busy when DH gets home, rather than get everything done before he is home so he sees me sitting down in front of Eastenders...

Not sure i would recommend changing baby's routine by putting bedtime back. To be honest you may end up putting baby to bed at 8m rather than 7pm, and they will still get up at the same time in the morning, so you just get even less rest. Early bedtime is what keeps me sane!

Well firstly my dh works blooming hard at work and I think while I am still on maternity leave (although I do return to full time work in 3 wks the least I can do is offering him a nice home cooked meal. When he gets home I say hi darling how was your day and always give him half an hour to himself to unwind.

On Sat he always does the mornign feed with ds and loves playing with him, although finds excuses to get out of doing the hard/boring (his view not mine)stuff like bath/feed time.

Uusally I eat before dh as I can't wait that long to eat, so it really is a matter of sticking food on a plate (i usually have a plate. cuterly etc sitting near the food) so all he has to do is dish up. So it just winds me up when he can't do that but wouldn't think twice to go on the computer to play a game (although I do appreciate that is to unwind) and when i still find his plate by the sofs the next morning as it was clearly too much of an effort to put it in the kitchen.

I would be so annoyed by this. You have done all the hard bit, I am incredulous he wont even dish up his dinner or put his plate away.