DH buying flowers for another

[Msonamission]

DH occassionally buys flowers for his PT. You know, like, to thank her for a session, on her birthday, and when she experienced some trauma. He's known her a few years, but I don't know her at all. While it's nice, yeah, for her, to receive flowers, I kind of feel that it makes me not special, being his wife. Am I being princessy by feeling this way? Also, I can't recall him buying flowers for any other women other than his relatives and for me, so now I'm wondering if he's attracted to her.
Please, please can you tell me if I'm over-reacting or not? I've been married so long (25 years) I can't tell what is ok and what is not anymore .

If it was just the flowers it could be open to interpretation. But this...

There is other unusual behaviour yeah but I don't want to go into it as its quite specific and who knows, she might be on this forum! Let's just say that he provided her with an electronic music device in the past that I found out purely by chance. He said it was for his benefit, yet I don't understand why she couldn't buy her own electronic device.

...suggests that it isn't just the flowers. So no, I wouldn't be happy.

[quote chubbyhotchoc]@Gwenhwyfar he's not going for dinner at someone's house. He's arsing about at the park ogling some lycra clad woman probably decades younger than himself under the guise of 'personal training' [/quote]
I was answering the general point that some have made that giving a woman flowers is 'often' or 'usually' romantic.

Your DH is being creepy, or cheating. Either way you are right to feel passed off. Flowers are not appropriate in this scenario.

Can you not just tell him that giving flowers and gifts to his trainer is making you feel unhappy and uncomfortable?

There are often strong connections made between a PT and their clients but she is acting unprofessionally by accepting so many gifts and he is a tosser for doing so . She has no business to be talking about her private life to him !

Well I have been give, wine, flowers, chocolates, biscuits, cakes, sweets, fruit, smellies, a mug, a glass. But normally either as a one off or for Christmas.

I would not buy my male PT who I've had for quite a few years now any gifts.

I do know that it was his birthday recently but only because he was telling me about the cake his girlfriend got him. I think he would be really embarrassed if I got him a gift.

I might possibly give him a tip/bonus or something at Christmas as that's a general gifting occasion or just possibly I can see myself impulse buying some small fitness related thing if it was an in joke/ something we'd talked about

On the whole we talk about fitness stuff a little bit between sets and we might chat on a light social level about work, kids etc but I would never consider him someone I would confide in. If either of us had a bereavement I'd expect to offer condolences, maybe a card and move on.

I think it is actually really important to maintain boundaries if someone of the opposite sex is going to touch you and see you in a sweaty mess on a regular basis.

I am not keen on being touched a lot by a PT and early on I asked if we could keep this to a minimum and he said that actually that would really suit him and that he dislikes being asked to eg physically help with stretches and that sometimes he has had to drop clients who he felt were getting too personally attached. He also said he deliberately stays quite covered up at work too to discourage inappropriate stuff. It is apparently something they warn you about on PT courses.

Flowers may be a romantic gesture but equally may not be.
I have given flowers to my surgeon, my neighbours, to friends (male and female) if I’ve been n for lunch. To staff on birthdays or if they’ve been unwell.
My husband buys me flowers every Friday, without fail. He also sends them to his mother, to his PA, to our daughters, to friends or colleagues for birthdays or significant events.

It’s not the flowers that are the issue. It’s the lack of trust.

I do think that there are some lines being crossed here.

I became friends with my pt (we are both female) and we wouls both talk about and discuss our relationships, share issues etc. So can see how you can get emotionally close to your pt.

But i also know from becoming friends with her that the majority of pts seem to be shagging their clients.... Mine only saw females so nothing with her, but her ex was also a pt, who also only took on females, and turns out he was sleeping with most of them...

Your H is being overly demonstrative on a personal level with this professional. He has given her flowers for important days, stressful times, and just because. Sending flowers to a non-related female is a change for him. He also gifted her an electronic music device, a gesture that he failed to disclose, and he has displayed other unusual behaviors.

Lines are being crossed here. An appreciative holiday remembrance is one thing, but this is too much. He wants this woman to know that he cares, and it sounds like he has a crush. If they have a blurry-boundaried Rescuer/Damsel or ego boosting dynamic, an inappropriate emotional connection can develop and may already have.

In your shoes, I would speak to him clearly about your concerns. If he dismisses your feelings of discomfort, you have a problem.

To me, it sounds like you have something more on your mind or why would you ask this question?

I used to be a personal trainer in fitness first years ago. When a client started to by me things I asked for him to be moved to another trainer. Attachments like this are not cool. In all honesty, if I was in your shoes, I'd be putting my Lycra on and be joining him in these sessions as she ( and he ) might be innocent but untill you spend time with them both you won't know . Good luck .

Out of interest, how do you know what he's been buying her. Does he tell you or have you found out?

@londonscalling

Out of interest, how do you know what he's been buying her. Does he tell you or have you found out?

A bit of both.

Erm absolutely not. I would go crazy! Screams creep or affair, sorry OP.

Thank you