Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

DH buying flowers for another

116 replies

Msonamission · 09/07/2020 09:56

DH occassionally buys flowers for his PT. You know, like, to thank her for a session, on her birthday, and when she experienced some trauma. He's known her a few years, but I don't know her at all. While it's nice, yeah, for her, to receive flowers, I kind of feel that it makes me not special, being his wife. Am I being princessy by feeling this way? Also, I can't recall him buying flowers for any other women other than his relatives and for me, so now I'm wondering if he's attracted to her.
Please, please can you tell me if I'm over-reacting or not? I've been married so long (25 years) I can't tell what is ok and what is not anymore .

OP posts:

Original poster

Msonamission · 09/07/2020 10:47

@mindutopia

I would feel quite uncomfortable if a male client of mine bought be flowers on a semi-regular basis. It's a bit creepy unless you're very old friends (beyond just the professional relationship).

Thanks mindutopia, yeah, I'd feel really awkward if a male client bought me flowers, I'd assume he either fancied me or had a crush on me.

OP posts:

SoulofanAggron · 09/07/2020 10:48

Christ can't people buy flowers for someone on a special occasion or to cheer someone up?

I think a man buying flowers for a woman can have different connotations so I can see why OP might think it a bit 'off.'

You wouldn't feel threatened if he was buying flowers for a bloke.

Blokes don't tend to buy flowers for blokes.

category12 · 09/07/2020 10:49

What sort of traumatic events is it, @Msonamission?

AnaViaSalamanca · 09/07/2020 10:52

I wouldn't like this at all. Completely inappropriate and crossing lines. What's next, taking her out to dinner to cheer her up?

It might be that he has a crush on her, but maybe she has designs on him too and he is enjoying the attention. Why is she confiding in him about trauma? Damsel in distress etc

After years with my PT I don't even know when his birthday is! And if I knew, he would get a happy birthday and a smile from me.

yellowfishestoyou · 09/07/2020 10:52

Some men might do like some women buy flowers for other women.

After 25 years OP you know your husband better than advise from strangers online. Have you actually asked him why he buys her flowers?

If they've been working together for years, they sound close like friends and that's why he buys her the odd flowers. I personally would have no problem with it.

I wish women weren't so insecure about men having friendships with a person of the opposite sex.

Itwasntme1 · 09/07/2020 10:53

This is creepy. If she lost a close relative I can understand him sending a sympathy card, but not flowers on a semi regular basis.

It does suggest he wants to establish a closer relationship than normal client. You need to talk to him about this.

Original poster

Msonamission · 09/07/2020 10:56

@sweetbirdofjuice

Ermm... i think I would look maybe at the amount of effort/ expenditure too- there are flowers from Tesco and flowers as in an exquisite hand tied bouquet.

I would say a nice bunch of supermarket flowers for a traumatic event would be appropriate, a birthday or if she helped him achieve a big weight loss goal if they've been working together a while but any more than that could be misinterpreted.

Is it just the flowers that are concerning you or any other unusual behaviour?

There is other unusual behaviour yeah but I don't want to go into it as its quite specific and who knows, she might be on this forum! Let's just say that he provided her with an electronic music device in the past that I found out purely by chance. He said it was for his benefit, yet I don't understand why she couldn't buy her own electronic device. Argh. I hate this.

OP posts:

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/07/2020 10:56

They are one offs and I think it's lovely. Does he buy you flowers to cheer you up or on birthdays?

A one off is something that happens once. This isn't a one off.

SquirrellingAway523 · 09/07/2020 10:56

The birthday flowers... I wouldn't like but I'd live with... The trauma flowers .... Ditto.... But to thank her for a session? This is strange . Does he buy flowers for you a lot? Is he completely open about buying flowers for his PT?

category12 · 09/07/2020 10:57

Do you feel there's something else going on?

Or does his sending flowers willy-nilly make you feel interchangeable, like it's not the romantic gesture you thought it was, but just his go-to without much thought?

category12 · 09/07/2020 10:59

Oh, buying her the music thing on the quiet takes it into properly suspicious territory.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/07/2020 11:00

I wish women weren't so insecure about men having friendships with a person of the opposite sex.

Maybe if men managed to keep it in their pants more, women wouldn't be so insecure. Out of all the people I've known to cheat on partners (and o know A LOT) only 1 has been a woman.

Sunnydayshereatlast · 09/07/2020 11:02

I paid my PT cold cash as is the norm.
Anything else is just weird stalker behaviour...

Prettybubblesintheair · 09/07/2020 11:06

I really wouldn’t like this and my dh would definitely not buy another woman flowers/music devices. He’d know that would be massively crossing a line.

Cheeseandwin5 · 09/07/2020 11:10

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

So you are using that to prejudice your thoughts on ppl you dont know.

Funny enough I know more women cheating on their partners than men (although I more close to women than men so it maaybe a numbers thing) Still doesn't make me write off all women as dangerous predators!

Love51 · 09/07/2020 11:16

My DH bought our childminder flowers this week. I'm fine with that. He just appreciates stuff she did over covid, like lending our son some toys she chose for him, and care packages of crafts for both kids. A PT is a bit different as you have that 1-2-1 bond rather than appreciating that they help the family as a unit.
He either has a crush, or perhaps feels responsible for her in some way?

TheOrigBrave · 09/07/2020 11:18

I would find it very odd if a married/attached man bought me flowers.
Other gestures would be fine - a costa voucher or a pair of running socks or something less personal would be fine, but flowers..I don't know, just seems to be over-stepping.

MulticolourMophead · 09/07/2020 11:21

Buying the music device just makes this a whole lot more inappropriate.

I wouldn't buy flowers for someone I was paying for a service, I'd give a tip if I thought the service was great. And buying something like the music device when they could have got their own, and on the quiet too, just makes me think that he has a crush on her at the very least.

FortunesFave · 09/07/2020 11:25

He bought her a music device too!??

Yep....inappropriate OP.

The flowers alone were bad enough.

One of my bosses bought me a watch out the nowhere and I was totally about it. If he'd bought me flowers too! Well....

Now I freelancer and if a client thought it was necessary to get me flowers I'd ditch them.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 09/07/2020 11:26

@Cheeseandwin5 who said he was a dangerous predator 🤨. The op has already said, he doesn't often buy her flowers, or anyone else, yet he buys his PT flowers just to say thanks. That's weird.

Fairenuff · 09/07/2020 11:28

I wouldn't have any problem with DH buying another woman flowers. I think it's a lovely gesture.

I would have a problem with him doing it because he fancied her.

So I think you need to decide which it is. Friendship or courtship?

Gogogadgetarms · 09/07/2020 11:28

If DH brought flowers for someone else it wouldn’t bother me unless it was in secret and then I found out.
He quite often buys his PA chocolates to lift the mood or if they’ve had a tough week. Again I’d only be concerned if it was a secret and I saw on the statement or something and it turned into question time.

Sounds like he’s told you when and why, doesn’t sound like he’s hiding anything from you?

CorianderLord · 09/07/2020 11:29

That's... weird. I have several PT friends and not one of them has ever been sent flowers by a client

areallthenamesusedup · 09/07/2020 11:30

My husband (who I am fairly certain is not gay) spends an inordinate of time and effort getting his PT a Christmas or birthday gift. Forgets his whole side of the family.

calmcoolandcollected · 09/07/2020 11:32

I would be asking why he’s doing this. Were I not satisfied with his responses, I would ask him to drop the trainer and hire a male trainer.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5