DH buying flowers for another

[Msonamission]

DH occassionally buys flowers for his PT. You know, like, to thank her for a session, on her birthday, and when she experienced some trauma. He's known her a few years, but I don't know her at all. While it's nice, yeah, for her, to receive flowers, I kind of feel that it makes me not special, being his wife. Am I being princessy by feeling this way? Also, I can't recall him buying flowers for any other women other than his relatives and for me, so now I'm wondering if he's attracted to her.
Please, please can you tell me if I'm over-reacting or not? I've been married so long (25 years) I can't tell what is ok and what is not anymore .

He’s throwing bait out. He’s playing white knight coming to her rescue.

so hes bought her another gift aswell-sounds a bit much

how often does he have sessions with her-so to speak

I have an amazing relationship with my powerlifting coach so I do buy him token gifts now and then. He has gone above and beyond to support me over the years.

And I promise you nothing weird going on there. I tend to buy dark chocolate or gin which I know he likes but would buy flowers if I knew that would cheer him up.

They are shagging!

So a middle aged husband has a young female PT who presumably has a great body and he's buying her flowers and a secret music device?
She is confiding in him or he would know nothing about personal traumas.
This is edging into dangerous territory if it's not already there I'm afraid. Your gut instincts are tingling for very good reasons. It's what you do now that matters, how you feel.

Just no. It’s very creepy. It’s her job which she gets paid to do. Would he buy flowers for a male PT?

Possibly this is just a case of him wanting to buy her a thoughtless present and having to avoid the usual box of petrol station chocolates or £5 bottle of wine, because a PT might not want to put crap into her body.

If he buys a small gift at Christmas, I could possibly understand that. But I wouldn't expect to give regular presents to a PT more than about once a year, and I get what you mean about flowers feeling oddly personal (even though very little thought usually goes into selecting a bouquet).

Does your DH buy YOU flowers? Is the real issue that he's not being as attentive to you as he is to other women?

DS sometimes buys flowers for colleagues to say thank you for something they've done or if he knows they are having a hard time. Can't see a problem with this.

Plenty of people buy flowers for their children's teachers/brownie leaders/swimming coaches etc. Is this suspect?

Alarm bells all over the place!

I dont know really .Obviously if she is young and pretty you will feel threatened (not saying youre not as well BTW!) but it does seem rather odd to me .Is it a secret or does he say "hey I bought some flowers for Sally as she needed cheering up?"Does he buy you some too?

"Possibly this is just a case of him wanting to buy her a thoughtless present and having to avoid the usual box of petrol station chocolates or £5 bottle of wine, because a PT might not want to put crap into her body."

Why would he want to buy anyone a thoughtless present?

One-off for loss of a family member or similar wouldn’t bother me. Regular gifting and hiding it, like the music device, would ring alarm bells! I would be worrying what else he was hiding.

How long has he been going to this PT? Have you met her? Do they socialise outside the gym or does she could me to your home?

@HollowTalk

How many traumas does she have? Why is she talking to him about them?

This. She shouldn't be telling him about her personal life, he shouldn't be buying her flowers. Boundaries have already been crossed IMHO. I'm not at all saying he has any intent to do wrong by you but this wouldn't feel at all ok with me.

Time for her to jog on

I've bought my gym instructor presents - Christmas or when they'd been very ill.

I buy my physio a gift at Christmas.

There's absolutely nothing untoward going on with either of them. Surely it's the motivation behind the gifts rather than the fact he's buying them per se?

My old boss would bring me flowers in to work if I'd worked hard or had to deal with a lot of shit/stress. Nothing sexual in it - he was very happily married. He knew I loved flowers and would have just handed out biscuits or chocolate to share with others. Think you're overthinking it a bit.

I am a qualified PT and yes if I was working and a client did this, I wouldn't be happy with it. I wouldn't get rid of the client or refuse the gift as I wouldn't want to lose work, which can be quite hard to come by as a self-employed PT, at least at first. But I would be on my guard around a man who did that.

I wouldn'tve told any client much about my personal life/traumas either, unless, as PPs said, maybe she had to cancel a session due to a bereavement/funeral.

IME some men view flowers just as a generic 'thank you' gift and don't attach romantic significance to them. As pp have mentioned it depends on whether you're talking £3.99 garage forecourt carnations or twelve red roses from the florist. So on its own it wouldn't bother me - in some contexts it might.

My dh is a personal trainer, he gets gifts. Mostly from his male clients, normally food from the females. It's great once we even got a holiday!

I think flowers seem romantic so understand why you wouldn't like it

Unless he's Elton John, it sounds inappropriate.

It's weird. Flowers have meaning.

I wouldn't find this acceptable at all OP. I could careless if she'd been his personal trainer for 1000 years. The only woman who gets flowers is your SO or the women of the family (mum, sisters, aunts, gran).

You're right about not feeling special. I'd feel sidelined. What happened to good old box of chocolates?

I wouldn't care less if my DP did this. In fact, he buys his admin team different gifts as a thank you for good work, or a life event etc. I've also helped pick things out, or reminded him to do so. On the other hand, I've also done similar for teams that have done work for me and I've also had people buy me things, think most expensive was mont blanc pen, but have had flowers etc. Nothing sexual, no conditions attached, just genuinely nice gesture.
I suppose it depends on how much you trust your SO

That sounds pretty inappropriate and I’d be very concerned in your shoes, to be brutally honest.

Cheap garage forecourt flowers as a cheer up gift - ok but it sounds like he’s getting too personally involved.

Seems quite normal to me. When I was at work i often received gifts - flowers, chocolates, wine. Nobody thought anything of it.

If there was anything suspicious going on your husband wouldn't have told you about his purchases.

"He quite often buys his PA chocolates to lift the mood or if they’ve had a tough week. Again I’d only be concerned if it was a secret and I saw on the statement or something and it turned into question time."

This is quite common. As a secretary, I've been given flowers during a conference or when I was leaving by bosses, colleagues and 'clients'. I've never had them for birthdays, but I know that some workplaces do give gifts on birthdays.
I've also seen colleagues get small gifts from suppliers at work. I don't see it as a problem (unless the gift can be construed as a bribe).