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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He constantly talks to his baby's mum?

89 replies

lox12 · 07/07/2020 20:16

Hi, I thought I'd ask everyone opinions. I met this guy at work, he let me know he had a baby on the way but made it clear he wasn't with the babies mum. We got close, starting dating and spending time together.

She lives about 200 miles away from us, so he went to stay with her when rumours of lockdown were going about, as their baby was due at the end of March. This was fine and me and him spoke all the time, he was excited for the babies arrival. The baby arrived and he came back here, he does visit weekly and stays a few days to help out the baby, I was a bit put out at first but obviously baby comes first and he showed me messages where she found out about us, and he made it clear he didn't want to be with her.

It's been a good couple of months, we were together last night and I saw a message come up on his phone from her, I looked at their conversation and it went on for ages, he brought her expensive presents for her birthday. Romantic items like perfume and flowers, he started questioning her about men and to me he seemed jealous. I found out they sleep in the same bed, and they literally talk all day, he initiates conversations. I want to confront him but how do I approach this without saying they can't talk at all?

OP posts:
Cheesecakejar · 07/07/2020 20:18

Just run for hills and don't look back, don't think I can add much more to that...

MrsSpenserGregson · 07/07/2020 20:21

Yep. You're either the OW, or she is.

ThanosSavedMe · 07/07/2020 20:23

You either have to accept her in your life or end the relationship

baubled · 07/07/2020 20:23

To messy for a new relationship to reach its full potential. If you're put out now that he's visiting his baby then it's never going to get better.

He's sleeping in a bed with her, questioning her over men and acting jealous, I think that says it all by itself.

Run a mile, there's plenty of men out there in a more stable part of their life.

HappyHammy · 07/07/2020 20:25

Why bother confronting him. They are still sleeping in the same bed,, he is taking you for mug. Just tell him its over.

Itsjustabitofbanter · 07/07/2020 20:27

He’s having an affair. I’m not even sure who with, it’s not clear who he thinks his actual girlfriend is, probably the mother of his child I’d imagine. And he’s not even being discreet about it

IHateCoronavirus · 07/07/2020 20:27

Cut strings now it will only get harder and more messy. Flowers

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 07/07/2020 20:28

OP you won’t win this one, walk away. Sorry to say it, very Naive to get involved in such a situation.

Lockdownseperation · 07/07/2020 20:30

Just end it. You’ve only been together a few months and already he is cheating.

Trailing1 · 07/07/2020 20:32

Walk away OP. for your own sake.

ElspethFlashman · 07/07/2020 20:32

Sooooo....... he's been shagging her all along. You know that, right?!

Cringe.

fairgame84 · 07/07/2020 20:33

Sleeping in the same bed? They are still together.

sqirrelfriends · 07/07/2020 20:34

Run! There will be so much heartache in the future if you don't.

BobFleming · 07/07/2020 20:34

Don't be a mug.

Why would you want to be with him? He clearly wants someone else.

Crystalspider · 07/07/2020 20:35

Sorry op it sounds like he's got back with her, an ex that's just had his baby is going to be a disaster for you, I would leave this situation for your sanity.

lox12 · 07/07/2020 20:35

I don't think they're back together like I said he told her he didn't want to be in a relationship with her. She's actually messaged me asking who I am because she saw us messaging just after the baby was born. I haven't said anything because I really don't want to be involved in that side. I feel like maybe I should say something to her now? Just so she can have all the information

OP posts:
PicklePig31 · 07/07/2020 20:35

Run as fast as you can...

They sleep in the same bed. That would be enough for me.

DonLewis · 07/07/2020 20:35

Oh, nothing good will come of this for you. Better is out there. So much better. Flowers

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/07/2020 20:36

@MrsSpenserGregson

Yep. You're either the OW, or she is.
Yup.
Aquamarine1029 · 07/07/2020 20:37

She's actually messaged me asking who I am because she saw us messaging just after the baby was born.

She asked who you were because they are still in a relationship. He is playing you for an absolute fool.

forumdonkey · 07/07/2020 20:38

They sleep in the same bed, talk all day, he buys her perfume and flowers and gets jealous with her and other men!! Walk away. Why would you accept your boyfriend regularly sleep with another woman? Bet he'd not be so happy if you were sharing your bed with your ex

wishingitwasfriday · 07/07/2020 20:38

She asked who you are because she's just had a baby and you are dating her boyfriend. Run as fast as you can.

Crystalspider · 07/07/2020 20:38

It's been a good couple of months, we were together last night and I saw a message come up on his phone from her, I looked at their conversation and it went on for ages, he brought her expensive presents for her birthday. Romantic items like perfume and flowers, he started questioning her about men and to me he seemed jealous. I found out they sleep in the same bed, and they literally talk all day, he initiates conversations. I want to confront him but how do I approach this without saying they can't talk at all?*

I think you are in denial

ElspethFlashman · 07/07/2020 20:39

He never told her about you because you were his dirty little secret.

You still are.

bumblenbean · 07/07/2020 20:39

Sorry OP but this would be too bizarre a situation for me. He’s just had a baby with someone and leapt into a relationship with you - but when he (quite rightly) goes to see/ help out with baby he shares her bed and is for all intents and purposes co parenting with her. Why did he have a baby with her if he didn’t want to be with her? Why would you want to be a third wheel in all this? I can’t see it ending well I’m afraid

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