He constantly talks to his baby's mum?

[lox12]

Hi, I thought I'd ask everyone opinions. I met this guy at work, he let me know he had a baby on the way but made it clear he wasn't with the babies mum. We got close, starting dating and spending time together.

She lives about 200 miles away from us, so he went to stay with her when rumours of lockdown were going about, as their baby was due at the end of March. This was fine and me and him spoke all the time, he was excited for the babies arrival. The baby arrived and he came back here, he does visit weekly and stays a few days to help out the baby, I was a bit put out at first but obviously baby comes first and he showed me messages where she found out about us, and he made it clear he didn't want to be with her.

It's been a good couple of months, we were together last night and I saw a message come up on his phone from her, I looked at their conversation and it went on for ages, he brought her expensive presents for her birthday. Romantic items like perfume and flowers, he started questioning her about men and to me he seemed jealous. I found out they sleep in the same bed, and they literally talk all day, he initiates conversations. I want to confront him but how do I approach this without saying they can't talk at all?

If he's not sleeping with her now he will be again.

but you are involved in that side of their relationship, they are still together, they sleep together, he sees her several times a week, they have just had a baby. don't message her, nothing good will come out of this.

If he's even half way interested in a relationship with he mother of his new baby step away because it's the right thing to do (although it will no doubt end in tears considering his current conduct) but also because whatever happens, this is never going to be a good relationship for you.

Yeah I thought so, he's said they share a bed because he's not sleeping on sofa doing the night shifts with the baby. He sent her a message saying he watches her when she sleeps and he mows how sexy she is, of course other men want her. I just can't get my head around it, he was so against her, even in the messages with her. He said he just wants to be friends with her. I think I will be working away, because he's leading two different lives

Yeah I thought so, he's said they share a bed because he's not sleeping on sofa doing the night shifts with the baby. He sent her a message saying he watches her when she sleeps and he mows how sexy she is, of course other men want her. I just can't get my head around it, he was so against her, even in the messages with her. He said he just wants to be friends with her. I think I will be working away, because he's leading two different lives

Yeah I thought so, he's said they share a bed because he's not sleeping on sofa doing the night shifts with the baby. He sent her a message saying he watches her when she sleeps and he mows how sexy she is, of course other men want her. I just can't get my head around it, he was so against her, even in the messages with her. He said he just wants to be friends with her. I think I will be working away, because he's leading two different lives

Why’ve you come on here when you won’t listen to advice?

From all that you’ve said, it sounds pretty dodgy. He’s staying in her bed, buying her things, getting mad about men, starting convo. These aren’t things people do that have broken up and are co-parenting.

He is an idiot. Just get rid.

It's not that I'm in denial. I don't have a child, I don't know about co parenting. I just wondered how to approach this but clearly something deeper is going on

I can’t imagine a situation where I’d willingly want to share a bed with someone I’d just had a baby with..oh wait, unless of course we were still together!
He is playing you both, get away as fast as you can as it’s already ending in tears, at least you aren’t tied to him with a child! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

It's not that I'm in denial. I don't have a child, I don't know about co parenting. I just wondered how to approach this but clearly something deeper is going on

Run, run now!

I ‘coparented’ with my ex (who also was an arsehole!) not once did we share a bed, never did he sleep on my sofa and never did we buy each other gifts or share texts about anything other than arrangements for our baby.

"he does visit weekly and stays a few days to help out the baby"

No. He works away and goes home on his days off. Whilst he's at work he shags you, because he's cheating on the woman who has never been his ex.

You're the OW

That’s not co parenting, it’s a relationship. I’ve been in a similar situation years ago. If and when you confront him about it he will probably make you feel like you’re the unreasonable one for daring to question his motives.

He’s cheating on you both, walk away.

You're 100% deluded.
How can this be any more clear?

He actually lives in this city with me. He definitely doesn't live there and I'd say he spends more time with me at the minute. I'm going to let her know what's gone on because she deserves to know too

Or are you hoping to drive a wedge between them so you can have him to yourself? Best thing you can do is end things.

Did you really think sleeping in the same bed was a normal part of co-parenting

Oh dear OP, telling her she's sexy etc? He definitely will have to be let go. xxx

How do you know he doesnt live there too. She and their baby will always be part of his life. Why tell her that he lives with you. She probably already knows anyway and maybe she ended their relationship because he is a useless liar. How do you think he will react to your messaging her.

You sound very young op

Time to gather up your dignity op

Sleeping in the same bed would be the dealbreaker for me

I'd message her. Because you should both know what you're dealing with.

Massively unlikely he's telling the truth. You need closure. Out of decency I'd be telling her, because if he's sleeping with two women, why not three?? You both need to get an sti health check.