He constantly talks to his baby's mum?

[lox12]

Hi, I thought I'd ask everyone opinions. I met this guy at work, he let me know he had a baby on the way but made it clear he wasn't with the babies mum. We got close, starting dating and spending time together.

She lives about 200 miles away from us, so he went to stay with her when rumours of lockdown were going about, as their baby was due at the end of March. This was fine and me and him spoke all the time, he was excited for the babies arrival. The baby arrived and he came back here, he does visit weekly and stays a few days to help out the baby, I was a bit put out at first but obviously baby comes first and he showed me messages where she found out about us, and he made it clear he didn't want to be with her.

It's been a good couple of months, we were together last night and I saw a message come up on his phone from her, I looked at their conversation and it went on for ages, he brought her expensive presents for her birthday. Romantic items like perfume and flowers, he started questioning her about men and to me he seemed jealous. I found out they sleep in the same bed, and they literally talk all day, he initiates conversations. I want to confront him but how do I approach this without saying they can't talk at all?

@lox12

He's actually at his place tonight thank god. She replied back to me very quickly and thanked me for letting her know, she said they had been sleeping together for a few weeks before she knew. So I guess that's it really.

Before she knew what?

Sleeping together for a few weeks before she knew? As in then she found out and they stopped?

I'm not sure I think, after the baby was born they started sleeping together again, I got this message about a week ago from her asking who I am. I didn't reply until now. And she said they had sex until she knew?

Thank F you ended it. The delusion was real... it seemed like you wanted to 'win' and get him over her. Why bother??? He is a liar and a cheat on both you and the mother of his child - amazing!

Run. Don't look back. I was the 'mum' in this position for a long time.

Split up with DCs dad. Tried to work things out, sleeping together, I was doing everything I could to 'fix' us. Turns out he had been with someone else the entire time. Not a pretty situation. For anyone involved, including the OW, who knew all about me and was doing the 'pick me' dance too.

Side note. He cheated on her too. Your partner will most likely do the same.

Run. Don't look back. I was the 'mum' in this position for a long time.

Split up with DCs dad. Tried to work things out, sleeping together, I was doing everything I could to 'fix' us. Turns out he had been with someone else the entire time. Not a pretty situation. For anyone involved, including the OW, who knew all about me and was doing the 'pick me' dance too.

Side note. He cheated on her too. Your partner will most likely do the same.

He set up this triangle so he could have sex and be adored by two women. Kudos for removing yourself from his game.

He wants to keep shagging her and playing happy families but then likes to skip back home with out shy responsibilities.

Does he pay her CM?

He's clearly a massive prick.

But you seriously need to look at why you even wanted to get involved with someone with a baby on the way. It's not the best way to start a relationship..and then even when you found out the following....

he brought her expensive presents for her birthday. Romantic items like perfume and flowers, he started questioning her about men and to me he seemed jealous. I found out they sleep in the same bed, and they literally talk all day, he initiates conversations.

..you didn't automatically see that as a dumpable offence....because the thing is there are loads of massive pricks out there and it's plain as day that he was cheating but you had to get her to confirm it.

You also said
It's not that I'm in denial. I don't have a child, I don't know about co parenting
I don't buy this though. Surely you know people with children or with exes and know that that wouldn't be the normal way to behave.

I'm not trying to get at you. I just hope you stick to what you've said and don't take it back because it sounds like you could easily be won over with a tiny bit of bullshit!

At least you can walk right away from it and you don’t have a baby with him. You’re luckier than her. Hope he’s gone now.

Op when I met my exdp I told him straight up don't use his dc as an excuse why he cancels last minute without notice.

As In we have texted all day, meant to meet that night and then boom he's been asked to have dc, so I'm told this at 6pm but he knew at 12. I am a dm myself, i work out and plan my time and I don't fall for that excuse. Nrp use it too much.

And how right I was because it's been since Oct 19 since he saw the dc and from his ex she told me he missed loads of contact bf or years.

You may not have a dc but manners and respect are not only for people without dc.

In these situations neither women is winning, both think the other is getting a better deal when in fact the only one who is is the pig in the middle.

Well done Op for coming on MN to ask for advice and for acting on it so decisively.

You've dodged a bullet there op

Chalk this up to experience. If you ever meet a man again with a complicated situation like this...just turn away and don't waste your time. It's better to be on your own rather than deal with that kind of shit.