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Original poster

Divorce, what settlement is fair and I being naive

97 replies

JustBeingMoi · 04/07/2020 16:57

I'm posting on here a lot so please accept my apologies.

Divorce settlements, what is fair? I desperately want to avoid solicitors. Both my parents were divorced before me. And they both still despise their ex 40 odd years later. I desperately want to avoid this and settle amicably if possible. But I do feel a bit like I'm going to draw the short straw.

Married for 4 years, together for almost 14. Own house jointly. I went back to work part time after I had our child, so care for her 2 working days a week. His salary is twice as much as mine.

He has offered to buy me out of the house with help from his fam and give me half of the equity (no such luck on my part. My family doesn't have that sort of cash). I will now need to find a rental property which are excruciating expensive round here (easily 700 psr month) and I will not be able to manage without universal credit, at least not until I can find a full time job in this wonderful job market. He will have our dd for a reasonable amount of time, so has offered to pay me 200 per month in child maintenance.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustBeingMoi · 04/07/2020 17:10

In addition to this I will end up having to fork out a lot for white goods, tv etc, because he has earned the most in the last few years and so has purchased them and has made it clear they are his. However I think a lot of these were put in his credit card which I have helped to clear over the years.

OP posts:
Tavannach · 04/07/2020 17:15

You may not want to do it, but you're going to have to see a solicitor. You'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't.

Original poster
JustBeingMoi · 04/07/2020 17:17

@Tavannach I was worried you might say that. But also I'm begging to feel that I am quite literally going to loose everything I have worked for.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustBeingMoi · 04/07/2020 17:17

oh my phone is on one this evening *beginning

OP posts:
HerRoyalNotness · 04/07/2020 17:22

He doesn’t get to decide you get half the house and he gets all the furniture etc, nor does he decide how much maintenance he’ll give you. Agree with PP about a lawyer and also go though CMS for maintenance.

gamerchick · 04/07/2020 17:24

See a solicitor. Do that ASAP. Don't agree to ANYTHING until you have.

Oopsiedaisyy · 04/07/2020 17:24

It's based on need. You should work out what you need to purchase a house and your monthly expenses. Work out also how you will share the children, that will come into it.

Half of the assets will be the starting point, but you may get more if you are seen to require that to live.

babycakes1010 · 04/07/2020 17:24

No! He's taking the piss...see a solicitor

Tavannach · 04/07/2020 17:26

Gingerbread has a list of helpful links here.
It seems there's something well wrong if he can buy you out but only pay 200 a month maintenance.

Nosuchluck · 04/07/2020 17:26

Do not agree to anything
He decided nothing
You need to see a solicitor

TeaAndHobnob · 04/07/2020 17:29

@JustBeingMoi

In addition to this I will end up having to fork out a lot for white goods, tv etc, because he has earned the most in the last few years and so has purchased them and has made it clear they are his. However I think a lot of these were put in his credit card which I have helped to clear over the years.
They are not his, they are joint assets. If he wants to keep them then you get more cash out of the marriage.

And legally you may be entitled to more than 50% of whatever your combined assets are. Because it's not just the house, it's savings, pensions, future earning potential.

Don't be a mug, see a solicitor.

Nosuchluck · 04/07/2020 17:31

OK you haven't even mentioned pensions.

Toomboom · 04/07/2020 17:34

Get legal advice ASAP! Do not agree to anything until you have. Your ex can tell you anything at the moment as he wants to keep the peace, but he may well turn around and not give you what you are entitled to.

White goods are part of the marriage irrespective as to who paid for them, so you will be entitled to some of them. Do not believe everything he is telling you. Please get proper legal advice before you do anything else.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 04/07/2020 17:36

Do not just settle for whatever he is throwing you. He doesn't get to keep all the items in the house because he earns more. There is also pensions to take into account, savings etc.

LexMitior · 04/07/2020 17:37

Jesus. You are on the verge of losing everything because you agree!

See a solicitor or spend the next 18 years regretting not doing so. Your decision not to will bite you in the arse and you will wince each time your children do without because you didn’t.

namesnames · 04/07/2020 17:39

Please see a solicitor, nothing is his or yours, they are joint assets.

The fact that he talking like this about white goods is worrying.

Anothernick · 04/07/2020 17:39

Agree you MUST take advice. The starting point in divorce is 50 50 split but in your case you may get more as you have young dc and your earning power is less than his.

Whathewhatnow · 04/07/2020 17:40

Oh typed a long message now lost grrrr

Summary: do not agree to that. It is a totally crap settlement. You wont get UC either if you park your equity in savings rather than buy another property with it. For that reason it would be far better for you to be the one to stay in the family home at least until your child is older. And yes to pensions... often the most valuable asset.

Whathewhatnow · 04/07/2020 17:41

And whatever you do, do not leave the family home in the interim.

RandomMess · 04/07/2020 17:43

50:50 isn't fair when he earns double, you have restricted your earnings to bring a shared child up. £200 per months CMS isn't much...

Have you factored in pension valuations???

user4676 · 04/07/2020 17:44

If he gives you half the equity you'd have a large sum in the bank so ineligible for universal credit?

RandomMess · 04/07/2020 17:47

If you got more than 50% of all joint equity (inc pensions and savings) would you be able to buy via shared ownership? I would consider a one bed tbh as well as 2 beds as DD is so young.

tara66 · 04/07/2020 17:51

You are not getting enough!

RB68 · 04/07/2020 17:55

it doesn't matter who has paid what over the years, its all 50 50 unless its agreed otherwise.

I think you also need to check MINIMUM child maintenance and use that as a base line for negotiating settlement its sounds like he is being reasonable at the moement BUT you might need to be smart about how you go about things e,g, negotiating extra money rather than possession of items so maybe a 1K house set up amount or whatever you think you will need etc. Remember you don't have to stay local either so personally I would be looking at places less expensive and further afield with a job change to more hours because "that is what you need to do if he is just paying 200 a month and giving you just half equity etc. If he wants a hassle free life in terms of you being local still and easy access then maybe if he saw his way to a bit more money etc that could be a proper deposit on a house to buy then it would be good all round and save grief and therefore "fair" etc. Whilst things start at 50 50 if you are to have the kits 65 of the time it means more maintenance and also a division of assets in your favour as you will be main home. Key thing - don't be too emotional and don't be afraid to negotiate but do it in a way that doesn't back him into a corner - always present the options so even if its Hobsons choice there is a choice etc. I would get the advice of a solicitor but he doesn't need to know that - there is also the issue of pensions as his will be alot better than yours so if he wants to keep it he will need to show contribution for that too upping the ££ you get. From what I have seen over the years (and I divorced a solicitor amicably)with chaps its about the pride of not having involved solicitors etc and if you start to do that officially then they get confrontational and even aggressive as it becomes a win lost argument

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 04/07/2020 18:06

Not a good deal, you have a needs based case and your needs far outweigh his. I was in a similar situation & was awarded 70% of equity as my career could not recover & I was the resident parent. I also got 4 yrs of spousal support on top of child support to help me to retrain & get back into employment. I wouldn’t agree to leave the house at this stage and keep records (get it on email if you can) of how his family have offered to help him financially, as court may take that into consideration as a needs case too. His offer is the absolute minimum required for a court not to throw it out. With regards to a good Co parent relationship moving forward that will happen if you both want it too. The divorce will likely make the next couple of years difficult no matter what and then after that if you are both decent people you will move on, and if he is an abusive person no matter how much you roll over it will never be enough. Put your child first this is her standard of living and opportunities you are fighting for. Seen far too many men promise the earth on how they’ll be in the future and then walk away after getting what they want.

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