Divorce, what settlement is fair and I being naive

[JustBeingMoi]

I'm posting on here a lot so please accept my apologies.

Divorce settlements, what is fair? I desperately want to avoid solicitors. Both my parents were divorced before me. And they both still despise their ex 40 odd years later. I desperately want to avoid this and settle amicably if possible. But I do feel a bit like I'm going to draw the short straw.

Married for 4 years, together for almost 14. Own house jointly. I went back to work part time after I had our child, so care for her 2 working days a week. His salary is twice as much as mine.

He has offered to buy me out of the house with help from his fam and give me half of the equity (no such luck on my part. My family doesn't have that sort of cash). I will now need to find a rental property which are excruciating expensive round here (easily 700 psr month) and I will not be able to manage without universal credit, at least not until I can find a full time job in this wonderful job market. He will have our dd for a reasonable amount of time, so has offered to pay me 200 per month in child maintenance.

@JustBeingMoi yes if you cohabited for 6 years then married and it's 4 years down the line your relationship will be considered 10 years long in England/Wales.

[quote RandomMess]@JustBeingMoi yes if you cohabited for 6 years then married and it's 4 years down the line your relationship will be considered 10 years long in England/Wales.[/quote]
This. Yours will not be considered a short marriage, op.

[quote JustBeingMoi]@rawlikesushi will the length of time we have cohabited not count? We have lived together for over 10 years.[/quote]
No, it is the length of the marriage that is important. I'm not saying that's right, but that's when you both entered into a legal contract.

[quote RandomMess]@JustBeingMoi yes if you cohabited for 6 years then married and it's 4 years down the line your relationship will be considered 10 years long in England/Wales.[/quote]
That's not true. For legal purposes, during divorce, the length of the marriage itself is considered. Four years is legally a short marriage.

That's why you need legal advice

@rawlikesushi I have looked at this on many solicitor and divorce website advice and you are wrong.

The length of living together in seamless co-habitation prior to marriage is a factor in divorce settlement in England/Wales.

If you ask for this to be moved to Divorce or Legal Matters, or start a new thread, there are some very helpful MNetters who are family lawyers.

As others have said, 50/50 split of assets is a starting point when other aspects (like earnings and caring responsibilities) are also equal and/or unaffected by the relationship. This doesn't seem to be the case for you, so please do not agree to his suggestion.

@rawlikesushi, as others stated that isn't correct. Where co-habition plus marriage plus a child the whole term will be considered.

This is about needs and what is reasonable, housing being the biggest priority.

Op, you can make a good deal with a bad person. Sometimes you can avoid court if someone is so unreasonable. Mediation is a requirement before court however.

I didn't mean you HAD to move far away - just that you put on the table that might have to be an option if there isn't enough forthcoming - its a bargaining point

The length of the marriage in my brother's divorce isn't being taken into account, it's the length of relationship - he's only married 3 years but they're together 10.

[quote RandomMess]@JustBeingMoi yes if you cohabited for 6 years then married and it's 4 years down the line your relationship will be considered 10 years long in England/Wales.[/quote]
This is correct .

Rawlikesushi is wrong. Your cohabitation period will count as well as the period you were legally married.

Don't make the same mistake I did... go to a solicitor & definitely do not leave the marital home..

11 years on I'm stuck in the insecure rental market had to move 4 times so far due to Landlords selling & ex currently rents out our old home & has bought a lovely big house with new wife.

I felt emotionally blackmailed to leave because it was me "breaking up the family" nominal share of the equity didn't go far with months rent up front, deposit & new furniture.. my solicitor advised me against it her words were "you won't always feel this guilty" but I didn't listen.

Good luck

@TheLegendOfZelda not to hijack but just out of interest was your settlement recent-ish? My DH paid into the TPS for 18 years, although he left it last year when we first split and tells me I won't get anything because of that (helpful of him to confirm divorcing him is the right decision though)

Yes mine was recent. Why would him leaving stop it being an asset? Or ... why would he think that? 18 years should make a very decent pension. It sounds a good deal for me, house for pension, but of course I am giving up a pretty decent pension and widows pension from that. It's worth considering all aspects.

It's based on need

It’s based on many things, but need is not one of them, unless it’s a long term marriage with an older ex would would be in poverty or some other extenuating circumstances, for people like the op it’s nothing to do with her need, marriage is not w meal ticket.

But his offer isn't even 50/50 if he's getting ALL the white goods etc.

Not fair.

@TheLegendOfZelda no idea. I think he was just saying anything he could think of to get me to change my mind I would prefer to stay in my house and if his pension was valued at similar I would likely be able to do so.

I was very surprised by his pension valuation. It makes sense, if you think what the annual pension/lump sum after 18 years service would be, plus the surviving spouse pension. That's a lot of money x 20 years paying out

www.acclaimedfamilylaw.co.uk/blog/divorce-settlement-what-am-i-entitled-to/

This puts it well.

@Bluntness100, where a spouse has taken time to raise children then courts look to assist with a period of time to allow transition back into a stronger earning potential. This is realistic and a need.

I hardly think the Op assumes a meal ticket and that view you take is very outdated. Most women work and provide the majority of childcare whilst most men contribute less than 20% of salary. The op has a proposal which does not look reasonable at all.

Housing is a need that is looked at. The child must have reasonable housing with both parents but how it is split depends on what assets are available.

@Bluntness100 I have never expected a free meal ticket. I saved most of the deposit for our property, I paid for our wedding and until the last few years, when I started working part time, I have earned as much as he has and contributed as much as he has into the house. However I did take a pay cut, negotiating my hours to part time, in order to care for our child.