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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Really miss my DC

48 replies

sadnurse · 02/07/2020 22:16

That's it really. My two DC (14) have been with their dad since lockdown and I haven't seen them in person for a while. I really miss them and I'm worried that they won't love me as much anymore when this is over. I know that's silly, but I can't help it. Every time I see a picture of them I just feel jealous and sad.

OP posts:

SoulofanAggron · 02/07/2020 22:19

Aww. Are some of you in the shielded group? I thing most children of separated parents have been seeing both their parents. It's definitely allowed. Unless one of the children had no immune system at all I think both parents would be seeing them. Is someone not happy with that?

Original poster

sadnurse · 02/07/2020 22:24

I work in the hospital so thought it would be safer that way. Four other children at their dad. Now I just feel lonely and unloved. I know I'm being irrational and it's just to protect everyone, but it just feels like by the time I'll get them back they'll be ready to leave the nest. Why am I being so stupid?

OP posts:

sorrymrjackson · 02/07/2020 22:26

You're not being stupid, to make the choice to send your kids to their dads knowing you won't see them is an incredibly tough and brave choice to make.
Can you not lift the restrictions and start seeing them a little bit more now??

Original poster

sadnurse · 02/07/2020 22:33

Their dad is not too keen on the idea because he has young children. I could maybe see them outside. I don't really have the energy to fight it though, as I am also not sure. I don't want to make anyone else sick.

OP posts:

LookAtTheCahhOlivahhhhh · 02/07/2020 22:37

If the situation was reversed, he'd want to see his children. It's good for their mental health as well as yours so just be careful but have some time with them.
You've been brave to last so long.

SoulofanAggron · 02/07/2020 22:38

I think if you see them outside it's quite low risk.

Patience344 · 02/07/2020 22:42

I think you should see them outside. I am so sorry. There are so many people affected by this pandemic but when I hear of mothers not seeing their children it affects me more than anything else. I'm sorry , and you have been amazing to make that decision. And you DCs will never stop loving you. You have a lifetime after all this ( they won't be moving out for ages).

Original poster

sadnurse · 02/07/2020 23:01

It's been four months since I last saw them in person. I'm starting to feel really resentful towards their dad even though he hasn't done anything wrong. I'm just a sad ball of jealousy at the moment.

OP posts:

Mintychoc1 · 02/07/2020 23:12

Do you work in ITU all day with Covid patients?
If not then I’d be sharing time with the kids as normal.
This could go on for literally years.

Mintychoc1 · 02/07/2020 23:13

I honestly can’t believe anyone would stay away from their kids that long when all the evidence suggests that kids aren’t badly affected.

DamnShesaSexyChick · 02/07/2020 23:16

Sorry but unless one of them is really vulnerable I don’t know why you would make that decision, when I was deployed to a Covid ward it was really important to my boyfriend, daughter and me that we stayed together.

MorningNinja · 02/07/2020 23:20

I'd be spending time with them outside at the very least.

As pp have said, unless theres someone vulnerable in the house you should have normal contact.

Otter71 · 02/07/2020 23:26

They are teenagers. What do they say? If they want to see you any court would support their rights to do so. Obviously if there is more to this and they don't want to see you, that again is their choice. My 15yo went to live with dad at the beginning of lockdown and I am a nurse. She still sees me just not as much.

netflixismysidehustle · 03/07/2020 01:08

I bet that they can't wait to see you.

My teens are sick of the sight of me and run out with glee to see their Dad who sees him 2-3 hours at a time due to temporary circumstance.

chancechancechance · 03/07/2020 03:52

You can see them outside, I think. Could they come to your garden if you have one?

Monty27 · 03/07/2020 03:59

Surely you can see them outside if only at a distance OP?

Nellydean21 · 03/07/2020 04:19

Can you see them in an outside space? A garden or park?

cantsaynotocake · 03/07/2020 04:59

As much as I agree with previous posters of how brave and strong you are, I'm also really struggling to understand why you can't see them outside? You can keep 2m apart if you're worried, but not seeing your babies in the flesh for four months is absolute torture x

AnyFucker · 03/07/2020 05:55

I don't understand why you have made this choice

Unless you change your job you will be in contact with covid for a long time yet

When will seeing your children be "ok" if not now ?

AnyFucker · 03/07/2020 05:57

I don't agree this is a "brave and strong" choice I see it as unwarranted martyrdom. There is no need to make you and your kids suffer.

needhandhold · 03/07/2020 06:01

So the dad is putting his young kids and his new family above your and your kids need to see each other. I don’t think that’s right. It’s time for you to have contact with your kids. Everything has eased now. Even vulnerable people are allowed out. It’s done now. You message to say “lockdown has finished so it’s time for me to have the kids back”. I’ve got friends who work on Covid wards and they aren’t doing what you are doing. Are you in direct contact with Covid patients?

needhandhold · 03/07/2020 06:02

Message him now and say “I’m picking up the children this evening” he’s taking the Mickey now

itchyfinger · 03/07/2020 06:12

How strange. I can understand when the pandemic was at its peak, but the rules have relaxed now. Kids are in school and on Saturday people will be allowed in the pub, that includes people who work in hospitals. I think youd be safe to see your kids and give them a massive hug. How long does your ex expect them not to see you?

Dragonsanddinosaurs · 03/07/2020 06:15

How do the DC feel about this? It seems massively unfair that they haven't been allowed to see their Mum for months. I think it is time to insist that they go back to whatever the normal routine is for contact.

NerrSnerr · 03/07/2020 06:17

There are only two people with Covid in my local hospital. How many are at yours OP? Their dad is probably just as likely to catch it at Tesco.

Arrange to see them OP. Covid could be knocking around for month, you can't stay away from them until there are 0 cases in the Uk.

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