Wendy's back and in my face: What would you do?

[FeministEndorsingWomensSpaces]

Long time lurker on MN and it's been really helpful for the situation which I've been through. I've been Wendied over the last 2 years ... it has hurt like hell at times (suicidal moments, anxiety disorder and depression) but I'm almost out the other side and now have medication and a great therapist and I have done a LOT of work on myself. Current challenge is that we live in an Expat community in the Middle East and I have just found out that Wendy plus Friend (and yes, I did introduce them to each other) are going to be flying out together on the same flight as me and my family. They are leaving for good. Neither with have DH with her but will have their 3 kids each. I return next school year. Wendy has gone silent, not even telling me who told her about our flights. Friend is turning into a bit of a 'flying monkey' and messaging to say "it'll be a party xx". An upgrade to business class is too expensive but seats are available on the flight the following day . My H and kids are supportive and know the situation. I am done with faking that things are OK just to keep up appearances, so the one thing it won't be is a party. What would you do: (a) ignore the whole thing and binge watch Netflix; (b) take the game to them; (c) change flights to the next day and chill ?

Jesus dworky It is nothing of the sort. It started out with 'I have a friend lets call her Wendy'....and then the name was used again and again on MN as a way to avoid using real names.

Not everything comes from hideous misogynist roots. Some terms come about purely organically and with no harm intended.

Well said @Pigeon999. This happened to me earlier this year. I was dropped from the friendship group and I sympathise with OP because I had a breakdown over it. My entire social life was lost while the Wendy posted all the nights out on SM. She is totally manipulative. I'd try to change the flights secretly if you can.

Well said @Pigeon999. This happened to me earlier this year. I was dropped from the friendship group and I sympathise with OP because I had a breakdown over it. My entire social life was lost while the Wendy posted all the nights out on SM. She is totally manipulative. I'd try to change the flights secretly if you can.

Secretly change ypur flights.
Its a big Fuck You, to them and means you can look forward to a stress free trip.
Its a no brainer.

Tell them your dh upgraded you to business as a treat. Then change flights.

Hopefully they’ll upgrade 😀

Thanks for pointing that out Pigeon I remember the very thread. “I have a friend, let’s call her Wendy...”
Sorry Dworky it caught on as a term descriptive of this type of behaviour from mumsnet. It was coined by a woman and picked up by lots of other women. Nothing to do with misogyny. I happen to think it’s a daft term...but on mn at least we know what it means.

“If so, I'm weird too...but I don't think anyone's weird, it obviously just affects people differently.”

You’re talking about your (generic your) friend being good friends with someone who doesn’t like you or whom you don’t like. That’s a common issue, a clear case of ‘so what?’ and not what we’re describing here.
As I said earlier in the thread, unless you’ve been through it, it’s difficult to grasp.

Exactly pictish!

Standard shitty school mum behaviour isn't even a speck on the coat tails of narcissism. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I wouldn’t change at all! I’d be civil and then bury my head in a book. Not sure being ‘wendied’ would bother me too much either? If they want to be like that they can f. off, and I wouldn’t give them any of my energy or headspace.

^This with bells on. On a flight, I've always just brought a couple of books and spent the whole time with my nose buried in them. I love having the opportunity to do that.

Having said that, my DH and I have only had one holiday where flights were involved since having our DDs (now 11 and 8) and the majority of time was spent making sure they weren't kicking the seat in front, so there wasn't time to worry about who else might be on the flight.

There isn't much moving around taking place on flights so I think you're giving this too much headspace.

I am a very chilled friend, and very much of the mind that people should do whatever they want in life inc friends, very relaxed and I always have been, but the way the situation evolves usually means you are ostracised by the very people you are closest to. It is extremely unnerving, and it causes a severe loss of confidence, grounding and a vague feeling of paranoia that it is your imagination for a while befor you realise in fact you are just being gas lighted.

It is a kick in the balls because it is almost always someone within your inner circle, someone that you are very close to and trust, and they are usually a big part of your every day life. They would not have the power to cause such damage if it was just a casual friendship.

Could you arrange to be seated at the other end of the plane? Or pay for extra legroom to ensure you are at the front??

I wouldnt change flights and give them the satisfaction of knowing how much they have hurt you by changing flights.
What you do is have a plan with your dh to distract or call you in case any of them want to speak to you. Get busy with your kids. It will be very difficult but keep focused on your goal of never letting them get to you again. As soon as you get off the plane block them and never have anything to do with them again. I wonder how great friends they will be once they are out of their bubble.

I think you should do whatever is best for your mental health and if that means changing flights then do it. Also I agree you should block them on social media. I hope that now they are going you can forget about them and get on with enjoying your life.

I think you should do whatever suits you and your family. It no longer matters what they think of you-they ain’t coming back. Draw strength from your family unit. Change flights or not, but do it for you, no one else. Those who don’t understand how debilitating this situation can be, have obviously not experienced it.