Wendy's back and in my face: What would you do?

[FeministEndorsingWomensSpaces]

Long time lurker on MN and it's been really helpful for the situation which I've been through. I've been Wendied over the last 2 years ... it has hurt like hell at times (suicidal moments, anxiety disorder and depression) but I'm almost out the other side and now have medication and a great therapist and I have done a LOT of work on myself. Current challenge is that we live in an Expat community in the Middle East and I have just found out that Wendy plus Friend (and yes, I did introduce them to each other) are going to be flying out together on the same flight as me and my family. They are leaving for good. Neither with have DH with her but will have their 3 kids each. I return next school year. Wendy has gone silent, not even telling me who told her about our flights. Friend is turning into a bit of a 'flying monkey' and messaging to say "it'll be a party xx". An upgrade to business class is too expensive but seats are available on the flight the following day . My H and kids are supportive and know the situation. I am done with faking that things are OK just to keep up appearances, so the one thing it won't be is a party. What would you do: (a) ignore the whole thing and binge watch Netflix; (b) take the game to them; (c) change flights to the next day and chill ?

Friend has been in my life for 7 years and I've known her for about 10. Wendy arrived 4 years ago and I introduced them to each other. Wendy plans meet-ups of all sorts with those she likes and I realised about 3 years ago I'd been dropped from the list. Wendy is now getting divorced and says this trumps any feelings anybody else has. Basically she gaslighted me when I tried to speak to her about her behaviour. Then she doubled-down on it. By that time I was ready to walk away which I did. It has been really tough dealing with a narcissist, lots of lessons I didn't want to learn, but as I said I'm nearly at the end of it. Roll on the holidays.

Change flights. Life is too short.

Change flights, make sure they are blocked on all social media and move on. You never have to see them again.

Wendy is now getting divorced
No surprise there then!!!
Poor bloke - bet he's glad to be getting away from her!

I don't suppose there is a flight available the day before?

Yep - change the flights (and don't tell them) then all the anxiety goes away.

No brainer imho.

@FeministEndorsingWomensSpaces

Friend has been in my life for 7 years and I've known her for about 10. Wendy arrived 4 years ago and I introduced them to each other. Wendy plans meet-ups of all sorts with those she likes and I realised about 3 years ago I'd been dropped from the list. Wendy is now getting divorced and says this trumps any feelings anybody else has. Basically she gaslighted me when I tried to speak to her about her behaviour. Then she doubled-down on it. By that time I was ready to walk away which I did. It has been really tough dealing with a narcissist, lots of lessons I didn't want to learn, but as I said I'm nearly at the end of it. Roll on the holidays.

Does the father know she's leaving forever with the children? That could make for interesting moments at the gate.

I'd just change the flights and have an easier flight back.

A Wendy tried to make me a Flying Monkey. I am happy I noticed, chose to extract myself and my wendied friend was therefore unwendied. You can do the same for yourself. Make the choice. You are too good for them. Change the flight.

So it's just the flights and then you'll never have to see them again?

Seems far too much of a headache and possibly financial cost to change the flights just because a couple of people you don't like will be somewhere in the departures lounge and on the plane. They're unlikely to be sat next to you. If it really is an issue, you could ask not to be seated near them when you check in, if you're not choosing seats online ahead of time.

I really couldn't be bothered to spend the time, money or hassle in changing flights just for this. Bring a good book, enjoy the film library. If she cares what you do, it'll only drive her nuts seeing you unruffled and going about your life without making changes on her account. If she doesn't, then why go to such lengths?

Just change the flight and ignore any messages especially as they aren’t returning. Enjoy knowing that they are gone for good and learn your lesson. Never introduce fair weather friends to each other. I never introduce my female friends to each other. Ever. I’ve had this done to me and I’m not a dating agency. I’ll happily join in things that other people have organised but if somebody wants to be my friend then they can do one on one coffee/cinema. It’s not my job to expand their social horizons at the expense of my own. Never put yourself in this situation. Don’t post friend things on Facebook. Stay dark and keep your social interactions to yourself. All the people I know who don’t post all over social media have the most friends and most varied social life.

Change flights. Is she going back to the U.K. then not coming back?

Is “friend” coming back to wherever you live? Don’t be surprised if you’re expected to gratefully accept social crumbs once Wendy is back home.

I'm a complete bitch when riled so I would be reporting a bomb in their bags to airport security.... That's probably not actually sensible but change your flights. You can afford it, and you can't put a price on peace of mind!

Knowing how awful these ex pat places can be and how much these things can seem all consuming when in them , I would change flights . Who wants to sit on alert for 6 /7 hours. Once you are back in the UK it will lose some of its mind space .

I wouldn’t change at all! I’d be civil and then bury my head in a book. Not sure being ‘wendied’ would bother me too much either? If they want to be like that they can f. off, and I wouldn’t give them any of my energy or headspace.

Also saying change flights here. Why sit there with them in close proximity feeling awkward as hell with everything churning round your head if you don’t have to? Change the flight, say goodbye and good riddance to them and never see them again. Fantastic.

I would stress that you need to spend time with your family and you will leave them to it. Spend the whole time giving kids full Attention and being affectionate to your husband. At the end of the flight breeze away as if you don't have a care in the world.

From experience, Wendy's have power if you let them have power. Just pretend you aren't bothered - fake it till you make it.

I appreciate that you have had a really tough time - I did too - and it was only when I visually put on a show of being happy with what I have and not giving them any attention that I started to feel free from it

Whatever you decide to do - good luck

What @ShebaShimmyShake and @Lickmylegs0 said. Don’t give this Mean Girls nonsense any further headspace. Continue your plans unaltered.

I also think that unless you’ve ever been the target of a Wendy type of person, you might struggle to understand the impact that they can have on your life, along with the realisation that your ‘friends’ place no value on you and are happy to go along with her calculated bullying.

This phenomenon does come up on mn and there’s always a few who scoff about how ‘playground’ it all is. They clearly haven’t got a clue.
It happened to me once, many years ago. It was incredibly nasty, hurtful and my self esteem was destroyed. It took me years to get over it and to this day, I am wary of getting too close to friends and never rely on anyone but myself. I have trust issues I will never resolve.

Change the flight. X

I would silently change the flights just so that it's off your mind.

I don't think it's "playground", I just wouldn't allow a twat to cause me to inconvenience myself and cost me money unnecessarily, especially if she knew I was already booked on this flight and would therefore know I'd spent time and money trying to avoid her. And extra especially if I had my family with me anyway.

I also think that unless you’ve ever been the target of a Wendy type of person, you might struggle to understand the impact that they can have on your life, along with the realisation that your ‘friends’ place no value on you and are happy to go along with her calculated bullying.

This phenomenon does come up on mn and there’s always a few who scoff about how ‘playground’ it all is. They clearly haven’t got a clue.
It happened to me once, many years ago. It was incredibly nasty, hurtful and my self esteem was destroyed. It took me years to get over it and to this day, I am wary of getting too close to friends and never rely on anyone but myself. I have trust issues I will never resolve.

Change the flight. X

THIS!!!

Go on the same flight or else she will know (and get pleasure from) that you have made a change. Ask to be seated away from them.

Or ask to be seated behind them and spend the entire flight kicking their seat and encouraging your kids to sing High School Musical.

Exactly @ShebaShimmyShake!