Set me some sneaky challenges?

[Sneakiesnow]

DH is really interfering. He isn't possessive or jealous or controlling outwardly at all, but he seems to know exactly when I've eaten a sneaky mcdonalds despite hiding it at the bottom of the bin, he knows me inside out and I feel a bit smothered. Sometimes, he even follows me to the toilet. I have friends who I see regularly but I crave more privacy from him.

Today I decided to challenge myself to do something that he doesn't pick up on- right under his nose. Whilst he was in the garden working, I've made a cake. One that requires no baking. I managed to wash everything up and dried all the utensils quickly before hiding it underneath some packaging in the fridge.

I want to see if I can get away with him not noticing! He is always the first to sniff out my baking,or notice I've used the whisk before cutting a big slice for himself.

This silly little challenge has given me such a buzz and spring in my step- I want to do more.

I don't want to hurt or upset him, this is something for me, to feel more independent again and less 'watched' I guess. He isn't at all threatening so I feel perfectly safe to get found out.

Can I have some sneaky ideas?

Sorry, I know it's not the point of the thread but why are you hiding food/evidence of having eaten food?

And more to the point, what does it have to do with your husband?

Ok I challenge you to get counseling without him noticing because this seems a very odd way to live. Why is he following you to the toilet and monitoring your food? I felt claustrophobic just reading this.

Agree with Worra

He likes to know what I've eaten when he's at work! If I say I've eaten something "naughty" he likes to make jokes etc. So to avoid him knowing, I'll sometimes hide the wrappers. It's not just about food though, he's just extremely nosey in general. His parents are the same so I think it's learned.

Why does he follow you to the toilet??

Sneakily set yourself up a new home and move in?

So much wrong With this

@ravenmum that's so funny! But I agree with you

Have you tried telling him not to follow you to the loo etc, or not to make you feel self-conscious (even in a 'jokey' way) about what you're eating?

I know sneaky things are a way to resist and carve some space for yourself, but if you think he's capable of respecting your wants and needs, you could tell him what you want. If you don't think he's capable of listening to you and respecting your wishes, you'll have to think about whether you're happy living with a man like that. xx

@KatnissK usually because he's talking to me incessantly and I need to go to the toilet and he follows me.

He's extremely clingy.

I am already having counselling as I've been depressed for some time. It's hard to express why I feel so suffocated at times, but reading this thread back I can see that my sneaky behaviour today is a little sad. It felt so good though. Is that ridiculous?

You need to set yourself a challenge to make a plan to leave him. That is not in any way normal behaviour, can you not see that?

My 5 yo follows me to the loo. Why does your HUSBAND??

He likes to know what I've eaten when he's at work why?

It's hard to express why I feel so suffocated at times,
On the contrary, we all understand why you feel suffocated

I think your depression may lift if you left this guy.

You sound really smothered. Does he make ‘jokes’ about your weight is that why you hide food wrappers?

It's hard to express why I feel so suffocated

You’ve expressed it very well. No one is in any doubt as to why you feel suffocated!

His behaviour towards you is likely to be the root cause of your own depressed state. He too does not seem all that bothered either about upsetting you like this.

Have you talked about this side of your H to your counsellor and is this person at all skilled when it comes to abuse?.

Why are you two together at all now?.

It's hard to express why I feel so suffocated at times

@Sneakiesnow I think we can all imagine. Following to the loo- no! I know it's not the same, but a bloke I was seeing once was a bit pervy and tried to follow me in as a kink. Nope! That is a moment to have your own space.

And having someone spy on/make comments on what you eat isn't good.

[quote Sneakiesnow]@KatnissK usually because he's talking to me incessantly and I need to go to the toilet and he follows me.

He's extremely clingy.

I am already having counselling as I've been depressed for some time. It's hard to express why I feel so suffocated at times, but reading this thread back I can see that my sneaky behaviour today is a little sad. It felt so good though. Is that ridiculous?[/quote]
This makes me a bit sad! You were getting a bit of joy out of your quiet rebellion, and we've spoiled it!

There's a serious point though, this is no way to live. If you want to keep going with the sneaky challenges, then I'll join you and cheer you on, but while you do it have a think about what you really want from life.

Is there a reason you can’t just be open and tell him it’s none of his bus8ness what you eat and not to follow you to the loo? Because this is a very odd thing to do op, bake a cake and hide it, or eat McDonalds and hide the wrappers, or want sneaky things to do. It’s a bit disturbing really.

People are living in one another's pockets a lot more at the moment, is it partly that?

Yes, sorry if we have spoiled your fun. I can understand the thrill of having a little secret: that's not sad in itself, really. It's more the things around that part that sound a bit funny. Even when I was living with my exh and two big children, I wouldn't have had a secret Big Mac; we'd have had one together, or any of us would have had one when on our own. Sounds like you can't do things you want.

Wtf? Is this made up?

If you enjoy the sneaky stuff then go for it. It's not unusual for women in not entirely pleasant relationships to event all sorts of ways to try and do their own thing.

But you could try talking to your husband too, if you think he'd be receptive.

I don't think this is as unusual as all that, many of us stuck at home tend to do it. I think when people work outside the home, it just never crops up.

DH will comment if he thinks I've had treats or whatever. He doesn't realise how awfully it comes across, thinks it's lighthearted and forgets it as soon as he's done it. With lockdown, it's more noticeable.

We had a few heated words about it the other day.

@sneakiesnow, is it time to push back a bit? I think you've maybe always accepted it because you know it isn't meant unkindly. However, he needs to know it's making you miserable. Some people seem to need telling very sharply before they pay attention.

But you could try talking to your husband too, if you think he'd be receptive.

It doesn't matter whether he's likely to be receptive or not.

He needs to be told to stop smothering the OP and controlling what she eats.