Set me some sneaky challenges?

[Sneakiesnow]

DH is really interfering. He isn't possessive or jealous or controlling outwardly at all, but he seems to know exactly when I've eaten a sneaky mcdonalds despite hiding it at the bottom of the bin, he knows me inside out and I feel a bit smothered. Sometimes, he even follows me to the toilet. I have friends who I see regularly but I crave more privacy from him.

Today I decided to challenge myself to do something that he doesn't pick up on- right under his nose. Whilst he was in the garden working, I've made a cake. One that requires no baking. I managed to wash everything up and dried all the utensils quickly before hiding it underneath some packaging in the fridge.

I want to see if I can get away with him not noticing! He is always the first to sniff out my baking,or notice I've used the whisk before cutting a big slice for himself.

This silly little challenge has given me such a buzz and spring in my step- I want to do more.

I don't want to hurt or upset him, this is something for me, to feel more independent again and less 'watched' I guess. He isn't at all threatening so I feel perfectly safe to get found out.

Can I have some sneaky ideas?

You could treat him like I treat the sodding cat. Chuck him a treat so you can take a dump unsupervised.

Get some sugarfree sweets. Each time he pauses for breath when he's talking at you, hand him a sweet. If need be, make a little chirping noise as he puts it in his mouth. Before you know it, anytime you want him to shut up, all you have to do is make that little sound and he won't know a thing about it.

Clicker training for twats.

This is so fucked up I don't know what to say.
You've both got serious issues and counselling would be a good idea for you.
Hiding McDs wrappers at the bottom of the bin so he can't find them is not normal.

Have you thought about taking a water pistol with you to the loo and squirting him in the face when he follows you there? Pretty sure it’ll work as a memory aid.

Put the flat of your hand out as far as it will go and say, 'No! I'm going to the toilet by myself Jimmy! Do NOT follow me.'

If he shuffles after you. Squirt him a couple of times, stop and repeat the command. Keep doing this until he stops following you.

This is fucked up.
The reason councelling doesn't work is because he's controlling.

The thought of keeping secrets from him really excites me for some reason.

Oh dear! You could end up having an affair for the thrill or something.

Have you thought about taking a water pistol with you to the loo and squirting him in the face when he follows you there? Pretty sure it’ll work as a memory aid.

I suggest Impulse body spray. A woman can't help acting on Impulse.

@Sneakiesnow My challenges are to write a poem or paint a picture or some other form of creativity expressing how you feel. I'm not very artistic so I also enjoy making memes, which is really easy with imgflip.com/memegenerator

But PP's are right that you may need some more enduring solution.

@Sneakiesnow

I'm probably way of base or someone else had said this already, but this reads to me like teenage rebellion. Does he remind you of a parent? Did you rebel as a teenager? Something to think about if you go back to counselling maybe to talk about?

Are you happy? I understand you're feeling smothered and claustrophobic, but are you content in your relationship or not?

My brother is like your husband. He means no harm, he's the youngest and he followed my mum about, now he follows his wife about. I could not be married to someone like him, my SIL expects nothing less, but will tell him to f* off and go and sit down if he's getting on her nerves.

If you're just looking for things to mess with his head a bit, for light relief, switch things around in the house when he's not looking, swap his pants drawer with his socks drawer. Yesterday my 5 year old put a garden ornament in DH's wardrobe. She loves surprising us. It's so random, same thing I suppose, I thought I knew her inside out because I grew her, but she is so mischievous, she loves a wee trick, making us laugh, it's lovely to see her personality.

Maybe you are feeling the same? The more I type, the more I wonder if he's treating you like a child, or a mother... I don't know now.

I've gone round in a circle. That's not much help. Are you happy?

This is controlling behaviour. I would guess born out of his insecurity so he acts clingy. But the reason doesn't matter, he just needs to stop it. Relationships should not be suffocating.

This has so many wrongs attached to this

If I buy a take away or my DP is working and me DDs have lunch out I bring him home a take away, I’ve been dieting on a constant healthy life style shit but he never judges or comment he knows what’s bloody good for him haha! We support each other, all have days when we can’t be arsed etc.

If he was a toddler coming to the toilet would be acceptable.

I have IBS so i know mine wouldn’t follow me to the toilet, maybe start eating eggs lots of, salmon also makes my guts rather unpleasant.

Not much help I’m afraid

Get yourself a big Lego project and complete the entire thing by yourself without him noticing.

Start adding garden gnomes to the garden. One by one. Hidden between plants and flowers.

Start pairing his socks up odd.

He very well might not realise his behaviour. But OMG he would boil my piss.

What's your budget for these activities? How about a secret room? How cool would that be? You could rent a room in a shared house, or a bedsit, and visit when you wanted to chill out. You might get a taste for it though. I know this one's probably just a fantasy, but it might be something you'd like to think about....

This is one of the most bizarre threads I have ever read. And the fact the OP is turning it into a game and finding it so funny totally bemuses me.

I am not sure OP if it you are serious and this is a cry for help or whether you really get excited by having to hide aspects of your life and you want to play secret games

The only secret puzzle I would set would be to change the locks and watch him try and get back in after work whilst I sat stuffing my face on a Big Mac

I am not sure OP if it you are serious and this is a cry for help or whether you really get excited by having to hide aspects of your life and you want to play secret games

I don't think some stuff like it is completely rare in controlling relationships. Women constantly do stuff to try and make some space for themselves or express themselves.. And we all have to find our 'laughs' somewhere.

The only secret puzzle I would set would be to change the locks and watch him try and get back in after work whilst I sat stuffing my face on a Big Mac

This thread is disturbing

I challenge you to go on a morning run every day and not tell him your route. If he is very overweight it's unlikely he'll follow you. That way you get some head space and then you can come home and eat some cake in front of him.

He tends to show up like a normal person and then goes back to behaving on autopilot when we were at home again. Completely pointless.

Not completely pointless OP. By being a "normal person" when attending counselling shows he knows exactly what his behaviour is like and will modify that in public so as not to be called out on it by another authority (the counsellor). He is fully aware of how much he is smothering you with his behaviours and he intends to continue.

He was showing that he can behave differently when he wants to, he just prefers to act how he is as it serves him in some way by monitoring your food, following you about, leaving you suffocated in the relationship. Doesn't any of this leave you feeling sad about the state of this relationship?

I find it hard to even read your words for all the billions of red flags in the way.

Creepy, controlling, even weirder because it's disguised via this friendly upbeat nonsense, which you buy into too - it's all over the way you post.

You're depressed, why are you even surprised? You have already gone to counselling which didn't work because he 'showed up like a normal person' - oof, slipped up there OP, your whole post is slanted to try and emphasise how much of a 'normal person' he is ('He just wants a mcdonalds too! He got it from his parents!') - he's a million miles away from normal isn't he?

Think you might be coming to the point where you can't pretend any more. If so, good.

Print yourself off a big sign. It could say FUCK OFF in big letters on one side and PLEASE BE QUIET NOW on the other.

Laminate this.

Hold it up when you want him to shut up/fuck off.

But seriously, this is all kinds of bad. I've got a thread going elsewhere about my clingy dog following me everywhere, but even SHE doesn't go through the bin looking for evidence of what I've eaten as justification for stuffing her own face.

Um. So so weird. You’re probably depressed and feeling suffocated because he is smothering you and giving you no space to think. Are you in the UK? Could you go away for a week without him and see if you feel happier?

Many women posting on relationships are unhappy about the lack of interest from their partners, so it shows too much of the opposite is also unhealthy.

You need to have an honest talk and set boundaries.

Maybe his weight is making him insecure and clingy? How about a joint diet/exercise plan to built both your confidence?

This isn't really interest in the op is it though? It's demanding attention. I wouldn't call a toddler following me into the loo interest in me personally, it's wanting attention. It sounds exactly like the op's husband is doing.

I wonder how much of your depression is linked to being in a relationship where you are being smothered.

The reason you are so excited by having some private stuff and experiences that he doesn't know about, is because it's normal to want to do things which are just for you. And because he doesn't recognise that, it's taken on much more importance for you.

DH and I have been together 20-odd years and we spend most of our spare time together. Even then when he went to see some friends on Friday night I was happy because I had the house to myself. Made a nice meal just for me and stuck a DVD on - nothing earth-shattering but it was lovely to do something just for me and not have anyone else to worry about. If I'd had a Maccys and DH was digging through the bin to check what I'd eaten, I'd think he was being a creepy weirdo.

It sounds like you need a firm conversation with him. What you eat when he's not there is none of his business. Does he actually recognise you as an individual in your own right, rather than an extension of him?

I think he does see me as an extension of him, rather like a possession than a person. Outwardly, he is a kind and gentle person, well-liked, but very insecure. Living with him is a different story-but still isn't Outwardly controlling or smothering, it seems to come across through his nosey questions, or watching me through the window as I reverse the car out of the driveway to go shopping, or having to call me a few times to ask me about "important" nonsense when I've invited a friend over when he's at work.