Set me some sneaky challenges?

[Sneakiesnow]

DH is really interfering. He isn't possessive or jealous or controlling outwardly at all, but he seems to know exactly when I've eaten a sneaky mcdonalds despite hiding it at the bottom of the bin, he knows me inside out and I feel a bit smothered. Sometimes, he even follows me to the toilet. I have friends who I see regularly but I crave more privacy from him.

Today I decided to challenge myself to do something that he doesn't pick up on- right under his nose. Whilst he was in the garden working, I've made a cake. One that requires no baking. I managed to wash everything up and dried all the utensils quickly before hiding it underneath some packaging in the fridge.

I want to see if I can get away with him not noticing! He is always the first to sniff out my baking,or notice I've used the whisk before cutting a big slice for himself.

This silly little challenge has given me such a buzz and spring in my step- I want to do more.

I don't want to hurt or upset him, this is something for me, to feel more independent again and less 'watched' I guess. He isn't at all threatening so I feel perfectly safe to get found out.

Can I have some sneaky ideas?

Are you dieting together or something and he thinks you are "cheating" the diet if you have McDonald's etc? If not then fuck me hes weird

Is your depression linked to your relationship? Your husband sounds really weird.

@WorraLiberty Maybe I phrased that wrong. I meant that if OP feels he doesn't give a shit, or if he would just ignore OP's requests, he belongs in the bin.

OP that's not a great way to live. I'm feeling claustrophobic just reading your post. I'd say lockdown hasn't helped this one iota.

Do you have friends you see on your own, do you get out yourself to socialise? If not, I suggest you do. I think it's healthy for spouses to have their own friends and interests and a life for themselves outside the home. I think I'd have cracked up long ago in your shoes.

OP, I genuinely don't find this amusing -- it makes me concerned for you. It sounds as though you suffer from disordered eating, and have an unhealthily smothering relationship which seems to peak around you secretly baking or eating things you choose to term 'naughty', and him sniffing them out like a sort of food-monitory Sherlock Holmes.

You can cook and eat whatever you like. It's sod all to do with your partner. You don't need to ask his permission or apologise. Likewise for saying 'Go away, and stop following me to the loo.'

My mother talks incessantly AT me. No interest in my opinion. Incredibly wearing. Very very selfish of her. She demands to be centred in many other ways too. Is your DH selfish beyond this?

@Sneakiesnow

He likes to know what I've eaten when he's at work! If I say I've eaten something "naughty" he likes to make jokes etc. So to avoid him knowing, I'll sometimes hide the wrappers. It's not just about food though, he's just extremely nosey in general. His parents are the same so I think it's learned.

Oh OP I completely get you!

Hmmm... I challenge you to make a fakeaway lunch and have no evidence of what it was. If he asks say you had a ham sandwich hehe

Sending hugs. You sound like you are trying to make sense of stuff. I'm not saying ltb, but I think you have something nagging away at the back of your mind and it made you post this.

It's okay to feel overwhelmed by the answers, and it's okay to come and go as you feel able. Take care of yourself.

The food thing is more because HE doesn't like missing out! So if I've had a McDonald's, he likes to know so he can have one. He's very overweight and I'm slightly overweight so I guess we pay kore attention to what each other may be eating than most as we both want to lose weight. I don't tend to care too much for what he eats though, unless it's secret cake. Probably why I got so much of a kick out of making one!

I don't really think your response to this should be "ho ho ho, let me see if I can have a shower without him staring through the frosted glass door, what high jinks" and more having a conversation with him to tell him you're an individual and need private space. Not the totes hilares response you were expecting but an honest one.

@TorkTorkBam yes he does this. He's always talking at me etc.

We both have happy, private friendships, interests and hobbies, he is just quite suffocating at home.

I've pulled him up about following me to the toilet countless times, but he forgets and then says "oh yeh, sorry." I go to the toilet when he's talking to get away from him tbh, probably why he goes after me. He thinks I'm rude when I evacuate to the toilet in the middle of one of his long stories.

I challenge you to watch a whole box set without him seeing a single episode. Poldark is on Netflix, that could be a good start

Plus I agree with pp, he's drive me insane tbh

It the Witcher, that's a good one

Sorry OP but this is all kinds of messed up hiding cakes and McDonald's packaging from your partner is strange.

If I'm on a diet then DH might comment if I'm eating something like McDonald's, he might say something like "what happened to the diet eh?" as a joke (it's a bit of a running joke between us that my "diets" usually last about 6 hours) but it certainly isn't a common occurrence and he definitely wouldn't say anything if I'm not on a diet.

And following you to the toilet is just not normal behaviour. I think you need to have a serious and honest conversation with him about how he makes you feel. I know you say he isn't controlling but he sounds bloody controlling to me.

What do you mean by clingy and suffocating?

Do you get a chance to speak?

What if you said "I need some quiet time to myself for an hour"?

Or "

This is not a healthy relationship.
I can't believe some of the responses.

@BurtsBeesKnees like the netflix idea. We tend to watch box sets together so I like the thought of watching something without him.

Next time you’re baking a fruit cake and it needs more nuts, chuck him in instead!

Hes perhaps not quite as bad as I've mad out here and more that I really like the thought of doing stuff without him and doing things he doesn't know about.

The thought of keeping secrets from him really excites me for some reason. Perhaps why I'm writing on here about him.

Learn something secretly. A new language, how to knit socks, coding in Python, all the number one hits in the UK since 1970, a dance move, chin ups.

I've a challenge- knit a hat that says 'quiet time'. When you are wearing it he needs to leave you be.

Could you wear headphones around the house?

It's seems a bit more like he needs to develop some skills to be honest.

Have you done couples' counselling?

Tried couples counselling a few years ago.

He tends to show up like a normal person and then goes back to behaving on autopilot when we were at home again.
Completely pointless.

It's odd that although I feel suffocated by him, he doesn't do intimacy very well either, which is why we went to couples counselling in the first place.

He finds it confusing when I say "I don't want you to follow me around the house" and then say "Id like us to cuddle more". He sees it as me contradicting myself.

The thought of keeping secrets from him really excites me for some reason. Perhaps why I'm writing on here about him.

That'll be because you're in an incredibly unhealthy relationship.

He tends to show up like a normal person and then goes back to behaving on autopilot when we were at home again.

That'll be because his aim isn't to have a healthy relationship with you. His aim is to have the relationship he wants, on his terms.

It's odd that although I feel suffocated by him, he doesn't do intimacy very well either, which is why we went to couples counselling in the first place.

It's not odd, it's another sign that he's a selfish prick lacking in emotional intelligence and empathy so he only wants intimacy on his terms - his preferred type of intimacy is constant presence, other peoples is closeness and empathy.

He finds it confusing when I say "I don't want you to follow me around the house" and then say "Id like us to cuddle more". He sees it as me contradicting myself.

Don't you feel sad when you write that? This is such an unhealthy relationship and your priority is sort of getting one over on him. I can understand that if you're planning to leave but need to bide your time and have a few secret wins on that journey.

But you sound like you plan to stay together?

You know relationships can be nice and fun and kind and equal right?

You do know that he is controlling don't you? You say in your OP that he isn't - but he absolutely is.

I can't believe you are joking about this. It's just so wrong. OP, this isn't normal, it really isn't. You shouldn't feel the need to sneak around, hide things, and you shouldn't be followed to the loo.