My DH cannot feel emotions, what the fuck

[AlexithymiaDH]

We've been together for 6 years and married for three, we have two small children.

I've always known he didn't feel things as deeply as I or others but I never realised to what extent. I remember feeling confused and a bit saddened about his visible indifference to the births of our children.

I miscarried a third baby (I believe as a result of the birth control I was on that failed) and as I sat crying he was just angry acting as though he was being inconvenienced. I had to tell him how I needed him to respond in that moment.

Tonight during a deep conversation he revealed that he doesn't feel emotions the way others do, and while he pretends to understand me if I'm upset/anxious/excited etc, he cannot relate at all and never could.

He's not depressed and said he has never felt anything close to what depression appears to be. Never felt true sadness not even when a relative died. He doesn't suffer anxiety, even in situations where almost everybody would.

The only emotion he can identify with is anger (though he has never been violent)

He has been habitually unfaithful and whilst I've spent the past two years clutching at straws and try to understand why he did it to me, only now does it make sense. He cannot feel empathy. He doesn't truly care about anything and if he can't feel the most basic of emotions such as joy then how could he possibly feel love?

This conversation tonight has been the final nail in the coffin, as odd as that is given the history. You needn't tell me to LTB, I'm leaving.

He isn't normal is it? What is this?

There was a thread on here some years ago now where people with sociopathy/psychopathy were invited to post. It was -fascinating-.

Good luck in freeign yoruself Alex

I think you guys are thinking of The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout. Ronson's book was interesting but not a professional account. Though he never pretended it was; he's a journalist and he just relayed what he was told and what he experienced from what he read, saw and heard.

yes to the Sociopath Next Door - I remember reading that when I was enmeshed with my ex.

I suppose it doesn't really matter what the label is, and none of us can diagnose. I took the approach that you just have to look at the behaviour towards you, that you know is true and is evident to you.
Cheating once is more than enough reason to end a relationship. Add in constant cheating, compulsive lying and an apparent lack of empathy and you should run! The problem is when you are in these relationships, you start to lose all sense of perspective.

Eckhart asked Who are you talking to?

Vodkacranberryplease said earlier I'm guessing a few people here have the diagnosis of anti social personality disorder and manage not to behave like total arseholes.
I got the impression from her reply to me that she also thinks I am a psychopath, because I pointed out that "psychopathy" is a condition, whereas "evil" and "abusive" are not. The logic is presumably that explaining psychopathy = defending psychopathy = must be one yourself.

Good Luck for the future, OP and well done.

The other book is by Fallon, a researcher into psychopathy who is also one himself.
I haven't read it, just heard an interview with him. He explained that, very simply, he does not feel empathy, but prefers intellectually to be respected, so tries to behave well.
Anyone read the book? Sounded interesting.