Sick of DH doing this

[RedAndYellowTulips]

About 6 months ago, DH, who has always done 'jokes' that only he thinks are funny, started to have a comical (in his opinion) obsession with my breasts.

Each time he walked up to me he'd keep grabbing my boobs, and it escalated to him grabbing them constantly and shouting 'boobies' in the way that the Cookie Monster says 'cookies'. I know this sounds ridiculous but it's the best way to describe it. He also does other stuff involving my breasts too, which I'm not going to describe as it's a total cliche thing that men do but he keeps doing it and I hate it.

If I wear anything that is remotely revealing he keeps saying 'boobies'. The other day I put on a bikini and sat in the garden and he came and sat in the garden too and kept saying 'boobies' and trying to grab them. In the end I went in and got changed as I just couldn't take it anymore.

It's starting to make me feel really dirty. I have in the past been sexually abused by a boyfriend in my early teens and it's making me feel so dirty because of that, I think. I've told DH time and time again that I hate it and not to do it but he says it's just a joke and that I've got no sense of humour.

I'm only a 32C BTW, not that it would make a difference to it being wrong if I had massive boobs but it's not like they're huge and in his fucking face all the time.

[sadie9]

These aren't jokes. They are tinged with hostility. It's designed to control you.
Please don't have kids with this man because god only knows what sort of 'jokes' he would be saying to his children.

[wantmorenow]

I'm sorry OP. Some nasty idiots on this thread when you are looking for support.
What he is doing is unacceptable, it is bullying and abusive. Unwanted sexual touching is never okay.
He dismisses your boundaries and calls his abuse a joke.
Please seek support and leave him. You deserve respect and body autonomy, clearly state he is not to touch you at all or you will leave (if you have somewhere to go). I wish it could be reported but sadly I don't think so.
Please stand firm and trust your own judgement here. It is not okay.

[bigdecisionstomake]

OP, I'm sorry but he sounds really vile. I can't believe you can actually be attracted to him or want to have sex with him. It would be a complete turn off for me. I'm actually a bit in disbelief reading this that you're still in a relationship with him.

[picklemewalnuts]

Ignore the trolls, they enjoy the attention.

Op I'm really sorry I take back my suggestion from earlier. Don't explain it to him again, this other 'joke' is disgusting. It's abusive, like the boob behaviour.

I'm amazed you can fancy sex with someone who behaves like a nine year old. Scratch that, a seven year old.

[Gulabjamoon]

I'm actually a bit in disbelief reading this that you're still in a relationship with him.

I wouldn’t find this kind of advice helpful at all. Why not be constructive?

There seem so be so many people on MN who disbelieve anything that is outside their own experience.

[mbosnz]

I'd be smacking his hand away with considerable force, saying with as much venom, anger and contempt in my voice, 'fuck off you cunt. Do that to me again, and I'm going to be consulting a lawyer and informing the police about your constant assaults on me. I don't have a fucking attitude problem, I have an arsehole problem. I'm apparently married to one'.

[IdblowJonSnow]

LTB OP.
He's an arsehole, it won't get any better.
Why are so many men pricks. (Yes, I do concede not all but there is such a lot of bad behaviour going on and yet we're conditioned to want to be in a relationship or marriage.) It's pretty sad.

[quantumdog]

Start to ridicule the size of his penis.
Meanwhile, get ready to LTB.

[Nanny0gg]

@mbosnz

I'd be smacking his hand away with considerable force, saying with as much venom, anger and contempt in my voice, 'fuck off you cunt. Do that to me again, and I'm going to be consulting a lawyer and informing the police about your constant assaults on me. I don't have a fucking attitude problem, I have an arsehole problem. I'm apparently married to one'.

^^This

[TroysMammy]

Grab him and say prick but in a way you'd call someone a prick.

[nowayhose]

I agree that his behaviour is totally abusive, HUGE FLAPPING RED FLAG behaviour

How bloody dare he call his behaviour a 'joke' ?? Would he do it/ say it to people at work ? No ? Then he bloody well KNOWS it's not OK, he just doesn't give a shit !
He likes you wary and off guard at all times, doesn't he ?

I'd be giving him the same treatment personally ( joking with his mates that '' he's got erectile dysfunction issues, but it doesn't bother me much as there's only ever been a 3 inch standing ovation when he succeeds anyway, lol ''

But that's me..................I couldn't put up with ANY of his crap

But what will YOU be prepared to put up with ? That's the question here.............

Everyone has confirmed that it's NOT acceptable, that it's abusive, selfish, degrading, upsetting and extremely juvenile. Now you need to decide what you're going to do about it.............

[JovialNickname]

I used to have a boyfriend that did similar (why I put up with this I do not know). Tried explaining why I didn't like it, told him firmly I didn't like it, shouted at him not to. Nothing worked. Until I started shouting "cock" and grabbing his privates hard with my nails deliberately digging in each time he did it. Then, strangely enough, he stopped.

[SunbathingDragon]

@Cooltalkin

He is abusive
He is telling you he can do what and say whatever he likes
Your opinions don’t matter To him
You are not consenting to this therefore it is abuse
Tbh I would leave him

This!

[Windmillwhirl]

I'm so sorry op, but these kind of posts (and there has been many of them over the years I have been on here) make my skin crawl.

How effing dare he grope you. You have told him to stop and he has ignored you.

Not being funny, but is there something wrong with him? He sounds mentally like a teenager.

My advice would be respect yourself (because he clearly doesnt) and leave and tell anyone who asks the truth why. This is all on him, not you.

[FizzyGreenWater]

So it's repeated abusive behaviour - do you have children? Can you just leave?

It doesn't matter at all that he's chosen a 'jokey' way to act out his pleasure at upsetting you - it is the same motivation as if he were shouting at you until you cried or pushing you around. He's doing things which you dislike, upset you and humiliate you. He's doing it because he likes seeing you upset and humiliated. He isn't making a joke.

You should absolutely leave him, 100%. Is that the plan? I hope so, I hope you want to leave him because that is the biggest step. He doesn't love or care for you, and the likelihood is that he'll continue to abuse you more and more openly.

[CallmeAngelina]

This is what men do he's your husband I don't see anything wrong with it just seems to me that you are being prudish

What the FUCK did I just read? It is NOT "what men do." It's what immature teenaged boys do, until they grow up. And if you don't see anything wrong with it, then there's something badly wrong with you too.

[FizzyGreenWater]

How dare he call it a joke - well, he isn't, really.

He knows it's not a joke.

He's dressing his abuse up as a joke because it's another level of 'fuck you'. He sees you upset and sneers 'I'm making a joke'. The message is: my idea of a 'joke' that I can laugh at is seeing if I can make you cry. He gets to belittle and laugh at you more then - 'Can't take a joke'

Give him something to really laugh at and leave him pronto.
PLEASE don't have kids with this shitscrape if you don't already.

[Holothane]

He’s a nightmare I’d be getting ready to leave jokes like this are not funny and done long enough can break people.

[category12]

He's got zero respect for you, treats your body like meat, invalidates and dismisses your feelings.

I'd be thinking about ending the relationship.

[KatharinaRosalie]

'Verbal abuse can begin as small digs disguised as jokes. Your boyfriend or husband teases, ridicules and humiliates you with sarcastic remarks about your appearance, personality, abilities and values. If you tell him, “I don’t think that’s funny,” or you ask him to stop “poking fun at you” he may become defensive, irritated or angry.

He tells you, “You’re too sensitive” or “You can’t take a joke.” His blaming statements are convincing, causing you to question your ability to reason. You wonder if you are over-reacting and you doubt your perception of his abuse.
knowitallnancy.com/know-it-all-nancy/blog/no-hell-no-verbal-abuse-disguised-jokes

[GilbertMarkham]

Have you any kids with him?

[1235kbm]

OP he's abusive and the abuse has now escalated from (what sounds like low level bullying) to full on sexual assault. Grabbing your breasts or crotch without your consent, is sexual assault. If you were walking down the street and some mentally deranged 'comedian' grabbed your breasts and shouted 'boobies' they'd be arrested for assault. It's no different if he does it.

Him telling you that your genitals smell is bullying, he was trying to degrade and shame you. I have no doubt that there is more to this that you may not have picked up on.

You have very clearly told him that his behaviour is unwelcome but he's carried on regardless. He will escalate further OP.

I suggest you either have a chat with a domestic abuse organisation or Rape Crisis who have an anonymous chat line, and speak to them about this. They will verify what I'm saying and hopefully point you in the direction of some support and help.

I advise you once free, to do the Freedom Programme and perhaps some counselling to deal with the abuse you have experienced and are currently experiencing.

[BlessYourCottonSocks]

Everything @FizzyGreenWater said was spot on.

I feel ill on your behalf because your husband is so deeply unpleasant and I couldn't bear this. It is genuinely so far from normal behaviour. He is sick in the head to treat you like this. Please, please leave. No one should tolerate this type of abuse. I couldn't bear to be in the same room as him.

[whata2020]

I would defo he grabbing his tits and saying butch tits in the same voice as him ! Twat I hate men on turns 🤢

[whata2020]

Bitch tits I ment to say lol