If you never thought you'd have a ONS, and did anyway... was it ok?

[FarTooOldforTikTok]

I've never had sex and I'm so fed up of it. I know it sounds stupid and it should be that big a deal, but I feel like it's a millstone around my neck or a flashing light above my head.

I'm 28

I never meant to wait this long. I'm shy and more homebirdy than attractive, and I thought/hoped that I'd meet someone irl. I never thought it was more likely for a bloody global pandemic to happen than to find a boyfriend!

I've tried apps but it's always just been disastrous.

It's probably a waste of time considering it because no (sane) man has ever been interested, but would you just say fuck it, get it over and done with?

Yep. I would. I did have a couple of ONS’s when younger. The first I knew, the second I didn’t. Neither went that well, in fairness, but I’m not living with massive regrets or anything. It is what it is.

Don't do it. A ONS will make you feel like shit 99 times out of 100 in my personal experience.

Being a virgin is nothing to be ashamed of. I am sure most guys would find it a turn-on tbh. I really would wait until you find someone you have a connection with. Sex with the wrong person is worse than no sex at all and that is especially true when it's your first time.

Lockdown probably makes you feel like it will never happen, but it will!

Lockdown probably makes you feel like it will never happen, but it will

Lockdown and most of my twenties!

I'm honestly also 28 and haven't had sex either.

Personally I want to wait until I'm married, but you can still enjoy your body on your own.

It will happen when it happens.

I've had plenty of ONS, sex was/is no big deal for me emotionally.

I lost my virginity at 15 because I just wanted to get it over and done with and be able to say "I've done it" and be a cool girl (how cringe!!).

I'd say, if the opportunity arises, just go for it.

Good luck what ever you decide OP. But like PP have said, being a virgin is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of

In your shoes I absolutely would. By the sound of things, it’s something you’d like to get over with. I’ve never found ONS problematic, despite a deeply puritanical upbringing. I deliberately lost my virginity (aeons ago) on a ONS, and I’ve never been sorry. I personally feel first sexual encounters are best conducted outside of a relationship.

Take basic safety precautions. Choose well.

My head is just so muddled. I am ashamed of being so inexperienced and I let it hold me back.

It's probably all hypothetical anyway.

Thank you x

Never had a ONS but did feel I ‘had’ to lose my virginity to the first person who asked. Unsurprisingly it wasn’t great! It’s a memory you will always have, so make it a good one - more likely with someone you get to know, like and trust.

I thought that when I was 18, 21, and 25....

I know it's stupid but I am petrified about turning 30. Is it worse to turn 30 and still be a virgin than it is to turn 30 and regret a ONS?

I was just like you, hadn't had a boyfriend or even kissed anyone! I was sure I'd never meet anyone as too shy to do internet dating etc but then totally out of the blue I met my partner, just before I turned 27. I was honest from the start and said I had no experience (friends told me not to! But I'm so glad I was honest from the start) now 8 years later and we're expecting baby number 3! Please dont just give it up to anyone! You never know what's round the corner, I truly believed I'd never meet anyone and just by a chance meeting my life totally changed.

Do whatever you feel comfortable with op. I dont buy into the first time should be a special memory. Many of us cant for the life of us really remember. Ive had ons its also fine. I would prob advise you to do online dating first build confidence with men, maybe arrange a few dates when safe to do so and see if that first date leads to sex. If you do and he doesnt want to see you again thats fine and hopefully builds your confidence and if he does want to see you you again win win more sex. I think we regret the things we dont do far more than we regret the things we did do. Just be safe and make sure you are mentally ready :)

Also its not bad to be a virgin at 28. I think anyone who cares is a freak to be so concerned about if someone has someone elses genitals in them at some point.

It's a tough one. I've slept with about 7 people. Half of which were ONS and each of those was crap. If I could go back and not bother with them I would. Imo sex is always best with someone you care about and really fancy. Mind you, I didn't really fancy any of my ONS guys so maybe it would have been better if I had?

I'm not saying don't do it, but if you do and it's crap, don't let that put you off in the future. Good sex does exist!

Please dont just give it up to anyone!

Virginity isnt a prize. Do you afford that much overthink to anything else you havent done before? Like i must have the perfect car to do my first driving lesson in? No because its weird.

I had many enjoyable ONS in my teens. My last was when I was 19, I married him and we're still together 20 years from meeting!

I’ve been waiting for someone to come around the corner for the past 10 years. It’s clearly not the strategy for me!

I've had one night stands. Personally I think sex is better with a partner you fancy, love and trust. But it's still possible to enjoy sex with a ONS, just as long as you are attracted to them and you're into it. But with all short term flings/ One night stands there's the risk it could be awful.

You have to be pro active when meeting people. OLD gets bad press as you have to weed out the dangerous weirdos but i met loads of lovely men to have fun with on there before meeting my dp. Apart from nightclubs i wasnt meeting men any other way who were interested so i realised i had to go out and find them as they wouldnt come to me. Your 28 op you have so much to offer.

To be fair, I didn’t meet any complete lunatics on OLD, just no one that I wanted to see again. I struggle with all of dating (ha! Like that wasn’t obvious). I don’t even find the swiping easy.

Relationships just seem completely unobtainable.

I used to have one night stands a lot in my late teens and twenties. Good fun, though not usually particularly good sex, as was invariably pissed.

One memorable one was with a chap who afterwards said that it was his first time (he was 22 I think). I said, “oh no, I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known that!” and he replied, “I know, that’s why I didn’t tell you!”

Poor lad had been trying to lose his virginity for ages.

Anyway, there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin, or one night stands, or any of it, as long as you feel comfortable with whatever it is.

The best part of an ons is the pure abandon. Sex with someone who knows what works for you is always better, though.

In my 20s I had a couple of ONS. They were great. Personally I don't think I'd have enjoyed a ONS as my first sexual experience but that's just me.

Theres nothing wrong with being a virgin at 28 or at 30.

Do YOU want to have sex, or do you worry about what other people will think if you’re a virgin?

If it’s the latter, fuck everyone else! Some people don’t want to have sex and that is fine. If you do, then being proactive is the way forward.

I’ve had ONS (usually booze induced!) and they were fine, some enjoyable, some not particularly memorable. But I did it because I wanted to, not because anyone else did. Do what you want.

If its the relationship aspect that puts you off definitely look into just having one off dates for sex if thats what you are comfortable with. You could even talk to a sex therapist if that would benefit you. My neighbour is a sex therapist and she says she deals more with virgins and single people than she does people in a sexual relationship which i found very interesting.