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Original poster

Sisters Husband lied about being on Instagram

91 replies

IndieRo · 26/06/2020 08:22

So last night my sister text me saying her DH is on Instagram.. Long story short, my sister had an affair 3 years ago. It was a horrible time for everybody in the family. They got back together and they both decided to quit social media as in Facebook and Instagram. It turns out her DH literally came of it for a month or so and has been on it liking and commenting since. She had it out with him and he blatantly denied it even though she had the proof. His excuse was I went on it the odd time or I had to message a friend because I lost their number. My sister is really upset, DH still brings up the affair even though my sister has done everything to make things right. She doesn't see her friends anymore and basically stays at home looking after the children. DH seems to think that he can do what he wants because she made a mistake. My sister wanted to get back exercising and was told, there's nobody to mind kids. Then he turns around and says I'm starting a 6 week fitness programme with my brother and will be doing 3 evening exercise classes. I just really feel for my sister to be honest. The reason she had the affair was because DH really took her for granted. He would come in late from work, eat his dinner at the table with his headphones in and watch his phone. My sister had no life at all. Everybody thinks hubby is great because he comes across as loveable and kind to everyone but I've seen the real side of him. I just don't know how to help her and why did he lie about being on Instagram?

OP posts:
TomNook · 26/06/2020 08:23

Why can’t he be on it?

TomNook · 26/06/2020 08:24

“ DH seems to think that he can do what he wants because she made a mistake”

Er.. yes. He didn’t need to bin his social media did he?

TomNook · 26/06/2020 08:24

And don’t blame him for her affair?! Lol. Op. Your sister sounds a tit

LittlePeepoToy · 26/06/2020 08:25

Did he definitely lie? I’m on Facebook and had a few friends say to me I was on instagram when I didn’t have the app or anything. It was an automatic account linked to my fb account. I hadn’t posted any pictures to instagram so if he hasn’t actually been active on there it could be a generated account that he’s not aware of.

Newwayofthinking · 26/06/2020 08:25

They both need to separate, nothing has changed.

calpolatdawn · 26/06/2020 08:26

you poor sister, as much as she obviously did wrong, agreeing to come off social media was a mistake it would have been better to leave, it just sounds suffocating for both of them.

WannabeJolie · 26/06/2020 08:26

I think all you can do is be there for your sister. It sounds like there were problems before the affair and obviously now it’s even worse. Is this a relationship she even wants to be in?

LittlePeepoToy · 26/06/2020 08:26

Sorry reread post now. Obviously he
E was on it but why shouldn’t he be- sister’s mistake not his?!

Chaaaaaching · 26/06/2020 08:35

Don’t blame the DH for your sisters affair. She should leave if she’s unhappy.

purpleboy · 26/06/2020 08:36

They should separate, her life sounds miserable, his life is probably miserable, unable to forgive your sisters affair. This is not healthy for either of them.

nolovelost · 26/06/2020 08:36

Why shouldn't he be on it?

VodselForDinner · 26/06/2020 08:42

Tell “your sister” that she’s tried to create an artificial bubble where her affair doesn’t exist or can’t happen again because contact with people has been cut off.

It’s not tenable long-term.

“Her” husband doesn’t trust her, and I can’t say I blame him.

The whole thing sounds like a mess and I wouldn’t be surprised if the marriage ended. It sounds like it wasn’t going to survive the affair and they’ve just kicked the can down the road by introducing ridiculous rules, but all the resentment is bubbling up now.

Itthistheend · 26/06/2020 08:42

I don’t understand why everyone’s having a go about your sisters affair, he chose to forgive her and both agreed to dump social media.
He should have been honest and stuck to that.. if he doesn’t trust her enough to let her talk to friends or pick up exercising then she should leave anyway, it sounds miserable.

fitzbilly · 26/06/2020 08:45

So your sister had an affair and her poor dh had to give up social media as a result?

He's an qdult, if he wants to be on it he can, it's not up to her to control.

AlternativePerspective · 26/06/2020 08:46

IMO if you choose to stay with someone after their affair then that means you don’t keep bringing it up. If it’s still an issue in your marriage then you end the marriage.

That being said, It seems unreasonable that he had to agree to come off social media at the time when she was the one who had had the affair.

If it’s still at the point where her DH doesn’t trust her then she should leave, but it’s not ok to expect him not to be on social media.

Sedlescombe · 26/06/2020 08:48

Whatever problems your sister and husband have its really not related to whether he is on SM.

slipperywhensparticus · 26/06/2020 08:49

She should leave she had a miserable existence before it sounds like its worse now he has a stick to beat her with (not a physical stick obviously)

What would he actually do if one night he was home and she said I'm going for a run? How exactly would he stop her

Bluntness100 · 26/06/2020 08:50

Why’s he not allowed on Instagram? Confused

Curious78 · 26/06/2020 08:50

Can affairs really be justified?

Nymeriastark1 · 26/06/2020 08:51

Doesn't sound like much of a marriage to me anymore. The husband sounds like he doesn't care anymore, and your sister sounds a controlling. Is the reason she's so worried about social media because she think her husband will have fling because of her affair?

DuineArBith · 26/06/2020 08:51

Rather than making an issue about Instagram, I'd be more concerned about his refusal to let your sister go out even for exercise and the fact that she has effectively lost her friends and never goes out. That is no way to live. Either he trusts her to see platonic friends and live a normal life without having another affair, or he doesn't. If he doesn't, it is likely to be better to split up anyway.

Oxfordnono12 · 26/06/2020 08:52

Your sister needs to decide what she wants in her life. Clearly the affair has NOT be dealt with. There is no excuse for her affair, there is also no excuse for him to keep throwing it up at her, it is both their jobs to maintain a healthy relationship. They need to deal with the elephant in the room and decide if their marriage is worth and put the hard work in. If only one is doing the work then is it worth it?

Also, your sister has no right to decide if he his social media, I'm assuming this is where the affair has developed- if so. That's on her not him.

She needs to put a stop to both their pity parties and do something practical to help their relationship or move on. Nothing good comes from pointing fingers! It's just a distraction from the inevitable.

Original poster
IndieRo · 26/06/2020 08:54

@TomNook, because her husband decided they were both going of social media, my sister agreed and has stuck to it. My sister is a very kind soft person. She finally snapped after many years and yes had an affair that lasted 6 weeks. Husband told the world and its mother. He also told the little group of mammy friends she had at the children's school. He is a tit

OP posts:
Chaaaaaching · 26/06/2020 08:54

@AlternativePerspective or the person that had the affair should understand and accept that they’ve fucked their spouse over and it’s going to be a bumpy road to recovery. You can’t just forgive and forget then move on. It doesn’t work like that!

slipperywhensparticus · 26/06/2020 08:55

I would assume the Instagram thing was she cheated met him via social media he spent loads on time on social media not interested in the family so it was a restet spend more time on us thing not necessarily her controlling things could be his idea for all we know

Either way he was dishonest spiteful for bringing up the affair constantly abusive by not allowing her to have a life

Does she work

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