Cutting ties with my right-wing friend

[LOrchid]

I never wanted to be someone who let politics get in the way of friendship, but sadly I believe it has come to that point.

My friend of 7 years is very right-wing, whereas myself and all of our mutual friends are very left-wing. I personally feel that too much has happened in the world to tolerate someone's views I don't believe in.

She makes me and my other friends feel on edge whenever we talk about the LGBTQ community or Black Lives Matter for instance. She has a very conservative attitude and has everything but called us 'sensitive snowflakes'. She'll often say controversial things just to cause drama and I'm quite tired of it. E.g. we were talking about a woman who got fired for being pregnant and she fully agreed with it, saying she wouldn't hire a woman herself because they're "too unreliable"... what?? She's basically a budget Katie Hopkins.

So, last week me and my friends all met up for a "lockdown catch-up" in the park and she tagged along. It was obvious everyone felt uncomfortable with her being there. She sent me a message later asking what the problem was and I explained to her my feelings. She got all defensive saying I was just being overly sensitive. I told her I thought she was racist and homophobic and she flipped out saying that she was completely the opposite, that she didn't care what anyone did behind closed doors, but people should know their places in society etc. At that point I just blocked her, and now she's getting really upset because we've all turned against her.

I don't understand why she's surprised?

It’s nothing to do with politics it’s just her you don’t like (and I don’t blame you!). I’m rubbish with politics because there isn’t a party that I totally agree with, it just doesn’t exist. What has infuriated me so much lately are the far left lunatics that seem to delete/block/abuse people just because they have differing opinions. These ‘friends’ on my fb cannot handle any debate and it’s wearing. I need a massive friend cull I know. It’s as though they want a dictatorship! Utterly bizarre.

Unless black yourself, using the n word is very racist, and if you claim it's just what others said around you growing up you are basically saying you have no capacity or inclination to learn in life and think for yourself - which is kinda what most bigots are like as their fallback would be 'its always been this way'. Even uneducated people can be kind enough and have enough sense to quit when told it upsets. It takes someone who fundamentally does not give a shit about others, to carry on like this - the self centered and entitled .

She has also used racial slurs in sentences such as the 'n' word (being white herself) and she defended it by saying "that's just how I was raised, everyone says it"

Bullshit... I'm not buying this at all .. you just made that up OP

This isn't about her politics, this is about her being an asshat. I have friends and family who are politically the polar opposite to me (voted Brexit, vote Conservative) but they are good, decent people and we get on because on the things that really matter (and racism, misogyny and homophobia are among them) we agree. Because we're all decent human beings.

Ditch your 'friend', she'll find her own tribe.

MrsTerryPratchett is spot on. My politics go towards the left and my partner the right. We have interesting conversations... although sometimes we agree to just not talk politics! Anyhow sounds like your friends personality is the issue not necessarily be politics.

Fuck the left and fuck the right

How can anyone only have left or right views about the world? It must be exhausting checking your political spectrum manual everytime something needs your opinion

@MrsTerryPratchett

The issue isn't that she's right-wing. The issue is that she's an arse. Plenty of left-wing arses out there.

I have several right-wing friends who are loyal, kind and respectful. They just don't agree with me about certain things and we can have a conversation about it without fighting.

Yes. This.

It does sound like the issue is not left vs right in the general economic sense, but liberal vs conservative/bigoted in terms of social values.

I must admit I can't be friends with people who are homophobic or racist. It just feels unpleasant being in their company. I feel like it would be a betrayal of black or gay people I know to hear that shit and not challenge it, but having to challenge it all the time becomes exhausting and often gets thrown back on oneself (like her comment about being "oversensitive").

There is a really serious cultural division opening up in this country at the moment (or rather, it's been open for a while now and is well and truly a chasm at this point). It sounds like you and your "friend" are on different sides of it. Part of me always wants to say that the opposing sides need to keep hearing each other and stay connected rather than retreating into their echo chambers. But the other part of me says "fuck that shit". I've thought about it long enough to form a belief that people of different races and sexualities should be equal and that entrenched inequalities should be fought (which didn't actually take that long, really). The people who believe the opposite, well I hope they all just die out eventually so the human race can carry on evolving.

There is a really serious cultural division opening up in this country at the moment (or rather, it's been open for a while now and is well and truly a chasm at this point). It sounds like you and your "friend" are on different sides of it. Part of me always wants to say that the opposing sides need to keep hearing each other and stay connected rather than retreating into their echo chambers.

The two most vociferous All Lives Matters types on my FB, one of whom I do see regularly in normal times IRL are Asian, specifically Muslim Asian descent. Bad childhoods and rejecting anything which connects them with their perception of victim hood. We need to understand why people say things as well. Not talking to people doesn't aid understanding.

Now I'm not going out of my way to chat with EDL types, but a common or garden Tory? Sure.

I'm not even right wing but I do find it offensive that just because someone is right wing, it does not automatically make them racist or anything ist. I am a leftie through and through but these labels are damaging. Just as much as not all lefties are snowflakes!

And besides that point, most people are able to agree to disagree but it sounds like she is just not compatible with you and your friends. But maybe your labeling upset her? I don't know her obviously so maybe she is a racist Etc. But just be careful casually throwing labels like that around. Good luck

There’s a whiff of “....and then everyone on the bus clapped” about this thread and some of these posts to be honest!

This post is made-up bullshit

No one says that the n word is what “everyone says”

No one.

Not even Tommy Robinson.

I have cut contact with a friend who uses the n word, tells racist jokes and agrees with people being abused and attacked because of her skin color or ethnic background. I just don't accept this in my house and in front of my kids.

One of my former in-laws was/is gay. He was also a complete knobhead. I disliked him because of the knobheadish attitude (selfish ignorant narc) yet he managed to turn most of his family against me because of my homophobia. Managed to completely forget about my completely lovely gay sister and her partner as well...

Your friend is a dick. Nothing to do with her beliefs at all. Bin.

I consider myself right leaning and I don't act like this. She's just a dickhead!

Yeah. Cool story bruv

@Paulolina

Fuck the left and fuck the right

How can anyone only have left or right views about the world? It must be exhausting checking your political spectrum manual everytime something needs your opinion

I love this

Why does everything have to be black & white, one way or the other, we can all be little rainbows surely... or is it too much trouble actually listening to people rather than pigeonholing them!

You should have ditched your friend when she used the N word though....

You should have ditched your friend when she used the N word though....

I have a friend (blonde, blue eyes) who uses the N word. She fell out with me when I called her out on it, and questioned why she used it. She of course became the victim and then accused me of accusing her of racism (for the record, I don't believe she is, but I did tell her it was difficult to believe otherwise if she continued to use that term). Her response was "how can I be racist when I only date black men...?"

Her response too was that "every one says it" which I of course disagree with.

My best friends know I'm an anti Brexit, anti Fascist, Boris hating, BLM supporting Feminist from my Facebook posts BUT I never discuss politics with them in RL or even online & they never bring them up with me.
Same with money- we don't discuss it ever.
Religion we agree to disagree.

We've all been friends for years therefore & never run out of stuff to talk about.
But I suspect I'm a lot more into politics than they are anyway & they would get fed up if I brought it up.
Considering we grew up in a mainly White area they're not racist which is good.

Btw my grandad was a Churchill hating Communist & my Nan was a Tory who thought Churchill was a hero!!
They stayed married for 58 years.... both maintained they were right til the end.

Btw my grandad was a Churchill hating Communist & my Nan was a Tory who thought Churchill was a hero!!
They stayed married for 58 years.... both maintained they were right til the end.

Love this!

But why were you ever friends with her if she was always spouting on like this? Or has she had a sudden violent fit of racism/homophobia recently?

She is entitled to her opinions, why is only the left acceptable? However she is not right to be rude about it

@isadoradancing123

She is entitled to her opinions, why is only the left acceptable? However she is not right to be rude about it

This isn't just normal right wing stuff though. Its outright scumbag territory. It is not acceptable at all.

This isn't just normal right wing stuff though. Its outright scumbag territory. It is not acceptable at all.

Agreed. I wonder what awful things must have happened to somebody for them to become so hateful towards those of a different race/sexuality.