Cutting ties with my right-wing friend

[LOrchid]

I never wanted to be someone who let politics get in the way of friendship, but sadly I believe it has come to that point.

My friend of 7 years is very right-wing, whereas myself and all of our mutual friends are very left-wing. I personally feel that too much has happened in the world to tolerate someone's views I don't believe in.

She makes me and my other friends feel on edge whenever we talk about the LGBTQ community or Black Lives Matter for instance. She has a very conservative attitude and has everything but called us 'sensitive snowflakes'. She'll often say controversial things just to cause drama and I'm quite tired of it. E.g. we were talking about a woman who got fired for being pregnant and she fully agreed with it, saying she wouldn't hire a woman herself because they're "too unreliable"... what?? She's basically a budget Katie Hopkins.

So, last week me and my friends all met up for a "lockdown catch-up" in the park and she tagged along. It was obvious everyone felt uncomfortable with her being there. She sent me a message later asking what the problem was and I explained to her my feelings. She got all defensive saying I was just being overly sensitive. I told her I thought she was racist and homophobic and she flipped out saying that she was completely the opposite, that she didn't care what anyone did behind closed doors, but people should know their places in society etc. At that point I just blocked her, and now she's getting really upset because we've all turned against her.

I don't understand why she's surprised?

Btw my grandad was a Churchill hating Communist & my Nan was a Tory who thought Churchill was a hero!!
They stayed married for 58 years.... both maintained they were right til the end.

I also really love this. But it's still not what the OP is saying about her friend. It isn't about her political views, it's about her overt racial slurs, especially the 'N' word. For me that would definitely cross the line and would mean the friendship was over.

I have friends and family members with strong right-wing views, but I could never imagine them using such language, they would object strongly themselves.

Yeuch. It isn't about political orientation as everyone else has said. It's about being a n insensitive, anti-Equality Act 2010 tit who has little self-awareness or care about others' perspectives or feelings.

I know plenty of people who are fully blue, rightwing to the core, but who have no problem with LGBT marriage, racial equality. Sex and maternity discrimination I find a significant problem in older people of all political stripes. To a lesser extent disability also.

So... no shame in just blocking this person. She sounds a bit of a pain.

Although I do actually find it often all falls

I have friends and family members with strong right-wing views, but I could never imagine them using such language, they would object strongly themselves.

Agreed. How boring life would be if everybody held the same beliefs. I have some wonderful friends who are definitely on the opposite side of the political spectrum to where I am (read Tories, lol). But they are good people, and kind. This matters.

Oh please ignore last sentence. I do wish there was an edit function on here...

She sounds like a right right-wing c*nt. I wouldn't even have someone who used the N word to even breathe near me let alone be friends with them. It is not acceptable.

Absolutely PP. I have very kind friends of all political stripes and kindness is the no1 thing that matters. I also know so absolute horrors on both sides of the political divide. Incredibly callous and actually abusive lefties, similarly incredibly harsh tories who have no time for the vulnerable.

Why does she even want to be in your friendship group if she thinks that as most of you are Bi or gay you are unnatural? Nasty creature. Just block her, she sounds like she’s every ist in the bloody book. You don’t have to have anyone in your life that’s upsetting you in anyway.

So.. in 7 years... this is the first time you've found her 'alleged' behaviour/views offensive....

that is interesting....

@BumbleBeee69

Why is that unusual? I find that people are often more honest about their views once they feel comfortable enough to air them. How do you know that her views haven't gotten progressively worse over the years, and this is now the final straw for OP?

I have right wing tory voting friends and we get on very well. We just agree to disagree. However I would not be friends with someone who was either racist or homophobic and in fact, my most right wing conservative friend would agree with me. Politically we have different views, but we agree on basic human rights.

Some of the stuff she has said, especially knowing her audience, is clearly designed to provoke a reaction and I don't have the energy for that where friendships are concerned.

@FreeKitties

There’s a whiff of “....and then everyone on the bus clapped” about this thread and some of these posts to be honest!

Agree !

Why is that unusual? I find that people are often more honest about their views once they feel comfortable enough to air them. How do you know that her views haven't gotten progressively worse over the years, and this is now the final straw for OP?

Because OP said this......

My friend of 7 years is very right-wing, whereas myself and all of our mutual friends are very left-wing. I personally feel that too much has happened in the world to tolerate someone's views I don't believe in.

but apparently 7 years of those views was just fine....

She hasn't said she's held right-wing views for 7 years. She states that they have known each other for 7 years.

Persiaclementine Fri 26-Jun-20 17:27:06
FreeKitties

There’s a whiff of “....and then everyone on the bus clapped” about this thread and some of these posts to be honest!

Agree !

Funny, I'm getting a whiff of 'all lives matter' from your posts...

She hasn't said she's held right-wing views for 7 years. She states that they have known each other for 7 years.

Sorry you are correct.. she only discovered on Tuesday the 23rd of June that she was actually very Right Wing...

Exactly what @MrsTerryPratchett says.

I agree that this is not about right wing politics at all. Too much of a generalisation.

I don’t tar all lefties as communists 😀

Sorry you are correct.. she only discovered on Tuesday the 23rd of June that she was actually very Right Wing...

I stand corrected. I didn't realise you could know every detail about somebody's life including their political views, every opinion they've ever held, and their likes and dislikes, within an hour of meeting them. Silly me

She sounds verging on unbearable, whichever way she goes politically. I don’t mind people having different views from me or not being quite sure where they stand on an issue, but a homophobic Hopkins-type wouldn’t be a first choice of social companion.

This isn't a political issue at all.
It is a difference in morality.
It goes way beyond right/left wing.
Well done for standing up for your beliefs in basic human rights.

I stand corrected. I didn't realise you could know every detail about somebody's life including their political views, every opinion they've ever held, and their likes and dislikes, within an hour of meeting them. Silly me

Apology accepted

I've just seen a massive falling out between two mutual friends - both of whom I'd describe as right of centre. They disagreed over something fairly minor. One friend stayed pretty conciliatory 'I hear what you're saying, and can understand your view, but IMO...' whereas the other went full on patronising 'Well, I think I've been around a bit longer than you, so understand this better, and you are wrong. I'm sad for you that you don't understand my knowledge.' It literally was a really minor issue that had no direct impact on either of them, but it was the attitude that was offensive.

Guess which friend I unfriended?

I think you should tell her, with examples, why the friend group feels uncomfortable around her. Include her responses.

In your shoes I would probably give her another chance, but I would tell her this is it. If she can’t be respectful and can’t keep her more incendiary opinions to herself, she should find a friend group that accepts those views.