Is this stonewialling from boyfriend?

[Hereforadvice1000]

Been with boyfriend for around seven months. No major problems before this and everything seemed to be going well. We don't live together and are mid 30's.

Yesterday we had a minor disagreement over a WhatsApp call and I stood up for my opinions. Within a nano second he completely changed character. He went completely cold, quiet and just stared at me. I got upset, asked what was going on and he wouldn't respond on the call, just kept silent and staring at me. I ended up pretty much pleading for us to talk this through but he said he didn't want to show me any affection or love, that he didn't want to talk about it. He said that I would be disappointed if I expected him to be affectionate or to even remotely speak about what had happened.

After a further twenty or so minutes of him not speaking, and me feeling like I was talking to a brick wall I decided to end the call.

I didn't hear from him the rest of the day (call happened in the morning). This is very unusual as we're frequent texters. I have a feeling he was punishing me for standing up for myself.

Since the call I was anxious, worried and upset. He knew this and said nothing.

This morning I received a text from him saying that the reason he was quiet was because of me. That it was all my fault and that I put him in that position. He said I was acting like a madwoman (I wasn't, I remember being completely calm and adult about the disagreement).

I don't know what to do. My instinct is telling me to run. It's a relatively new relationship and I should get out before this happens again?

The reason I say this is because of the complete change of his character. Friendly, chatty and his usual self to stone cold silence within a nano second, with a silence that has lasted almost twenty four hours over a minor disagreement. He was like a completely different person. It scared me because of how quickly he changed.

Thank you for reading, sorry it was long.

Ok, that should say stonewalling in the title. Sorry.

He is showing you who he is. If he does it once, with little provocation, he will do it again. I'm sorry but are you up for a relationship where he punishes you if you disagree with him?

I don’t know what you call that behaviour but I also couldn’t be with someone like that, how else are you meant to get through life?
Of course you’re going to disagree on some subjects and have disagreements, it’s only natural, however if he isn’t capable of discussing them, then how could this ever work? He seems to lack emotional intelligence :(

Yep, dump, he's training you not to dare disagree with him.

He stared at you silently on a video call for 20 minutes?

Is there a particular reason you're dating a teenager?

He sounds like an utter knob.

Are you intending to stay in this relationship and if so why

Text him ‘let’s have some space from each other’ and follow through. Spend some time without engaging him so that you can stand back from being manipulated and put some boundaries in place. Think about the sort of communication you’d like in such situations

What was the argument about?

This isn't normal OP xx

How dare you have a different opinion from him! How dare you voice your own opinion. How dare you expect him to act like an adult and discuss things like an adult when you, a woman, has the bloody cheek not to accept his opinion as fact. How dare you not accept full responsibility for his behaviour after making him punish you. How dare you expect love and affection after thinking you had the right to disagree witb him! How bloody dare you n9t know your place!

Fuck. That. Run!!!

The only think you did 'wrong' was not end the call immediately and block. He's now told you what his real self is like - that you are lesser. That he does not respect you or your right to have an option. That he thinks he has the right to punish you. That he withdraws love as a punishment. That he expects you to apologise to get that 'love' back. That his behaviour is not his responsibility, but yours. Listen to him! And run!

I think after 5 minutesof staring I would have hung up on him. He sound like a controlling, manipulative child and you deserve better.

God, don't ask for space and think about boundaries! It just gives him time to change tactics until he sucks you back in again. This is the real him!! It's not your job to fix him. Run!

He pushed to see where your boundary is. Be knows you'll spend a fair chunk of time trying to jolly him out of a sulk. He knows you'll tolerate being punished for disagreeing with him. Its all down hill from here because you'll be waiting for the next time he does it and it's likely to be a decent size gap as well.

Your instincts are talking to you, listen to them. Throw this one back.

*right to have an opinion - not option. Early morning typing error.

Sod that.
What a prick.

Block him now. Ignore him and move on. Do not waste another Second on this man. There is no future other than misery here.

Ive often read on mumsnet that women in the early stages of a relationship, like you are, should disagree or just say no to a partner to see how they react. Youve done that by accident. Was this the first time you didnt agree with him?

He stared at you - this was intended to be threatening
He refused to talk - conditioning You to behave a certain way
He ignored you - punishing you For not doing what he wants
He blamed you For his behaviour - abusive

I do t think there is any hope for a relationship for someone who can’t disagree and be affectionate at the same time.

I don’t mean shower you in kisses affectionate while you disagree but I would be worried about someone who can’t disagree and at the same time be kind and respectful.

What was the disagreement about?

Run far and fast. Block him on everything. He will never be a good partner ever, as this is how he deals with conflict. You can do so much better, you don't have to put up with this shite.

This time it’ll be 20 mins coz he knows you put up with that. Next time an hour, next time..... get rid.

The reason I say this is because of the complete change of his character. Friendly, chatty and his usual self to stone cold silence within a nano second, with a silence that has lasted almost twenty four hours over a minor disagreement. He was like a completely different person. It scared me because of how quickly he changed.

Thats the cycle of abuse.

Youve recognised it.

Dont ignore it.

This is not normal OP.

Deep down you know this and whatever fake image he has on show is now slipping to reveal the real him and it's not nice. You deserve to be with a grown up who respects you enough to talk through any issues.

He sounds like a freak. What a nutjob, just staring at you silently on the call?

Dont entertain this nonsense for a second longer. I would just completely ghost him out now tbh.

Listen to your gut. Behaviour like this will only escalate.
I agree with other posters - some context would be interesting, what was the disagreement about?
Although it’s not really relevant overall - his reaction wasn’t excusable.

Thank you to all. I guess I would receive these types of replies because I know deep down this relationship is now a no go and that his behaviour is the start of something abusive. I also know deep down that he will do this again. I was incredibly anxious and stressed about it yesterday and the thought of feeling like that again isn't something I want to experience.

My instincts are screaming at me to end this - exactly what I'm going to do.

I've been there OP. It doesn't get better and the more it happens the more your self-esteem gets eaten. Next thing you'll be apologizing for things that weren't your fault.

There is a reason that stonewalling is one of the greatest predictors of divorce.

Do future you a favour x

You said that he scared you.
That’s enough to end it now.
His behaviour will not improve, and you don’t want to add children to this situation.