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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I love my wife but feel I can't be myself

119 replies

Srob70 · 21/06/2020 06:12

I've been married for eight months, and have been in the main happy, but we have had two arguments where I've nearly walked out on her. I'm 50 (she's 55) and have never been married before, so know that this be life changing. My wife has been married twice before. I moved in with her as I wanted to spend as much time as possible with her. So I am in the process of renting my house out. I work, but she doesn't due to arthritis. We don't sleep together, do to health issues and I sleep on the couch, which I admit makes me feel like a lodger. I'm currently clearing my house to rent it, though she want me to sell it and my possessions going into storage. I would like a workshop in the garden for my tool's (it's a man thing) but she at first was against, as it would be a place to store my crap. The latest argument was a petty one over me wanting to go and clear some rubbish early, and get the shopping done and not wanting to spend time with her, she got upset which made me lose my temper (coffee cup thrown in sink) and which point she told me to leave. I find it difficult to talk to her as it usually ends in upsetting her and I'm made to feel like it's all my fault. She says she gives me everything, her house, she cleans and cooks, (even sex, which hurts me if she classes it a chore) and I should spend my spare time with her. I work all week and only have the weekends free though Saturdays I do the weekly shop. I feel that I have compromised enough, I don't have any time for walking or my allotment, I've given up my home to be with the woman I love. I currently feel that I'm the one that has to do all the comprising to fit in with my wife, or am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Immigrantsong · 21/06/2020 10:29

I think it can be really hard giving advice on ending a marriage on posts here: we see only one side and don't have all the information. I always try to error on the side of caution. I think it's always worth trying a few things before ending marriages. It's also good to have another viewpoint in this thread for the OP to consider. The final decision will of course be the OPs, but I don't believe not having children or not being together for a long time should detract from the fact that a marriage should be something both parties should try hard to work on and fix. I can only speak with my values in mind and I appreciate that this may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I stand by my beliefs.

Immigrantsong · 21/06/2020 10:30

Err not error! Bloody autocorrect!

Eckhart · 21/06/2020 10:31

@velourvoyageur

Why is everyone overlooking the fact that he throws things when angry

They're not.

EmperorCovidula · 21/06/2020 10:35

I don’t think either of you are suited to marriage. I would just move back into your place so at least you have your own space. If she’s not happy with that arrangement then divorce her. Surely it’s better to be alone than with someone like that, especially with your disposition.

WoollyHeadedMammoth · 21/06/2020 11:14

Srob70 - You say you're mainly happy, love your wife, want to spend as much time together as possible. You were both independent and self-sufficient; you both chose to make a life together. It sounds to me like (1) there's some confusion re what you each need from the relationship now and (2) you're (both) having some trouble communicating openly without arguing, accusing, and getting angry/giving up.

I think you need a long, calm, honest conversation about each of your needs and how they can be met within the relationship and within the living arrangements. The kind of talk where each person can say anything, and the other person listens and hears and thinks and then responds. Don't wait for an argument or disagreement to talk about all this - make a time and do it proactively. If those kind of talks keep veering off into accusations/anger, perhaps a relationship counselor could help (would probably have to be online/video call, etc. for now)?

A few specific things -

Is living together in her house the long-term plan? If you moved into a new place together, you'd compromise on which items from each of your houses got used versus stored vs sold/donated, but in this case it sounds like you're in her "space" and must make do with what's there. I personally wouldn't like the comments about how she's given you her house - have you told her how you feel about giving up your place?

Is she alone all day when you're out at work, and is that the norm for her or is it perhaps because of COVID? If she's used to being out and about and that's changed, she may be starved for company. And you're out in the world most days, probably dealing with people all day at work, and need some of the down time and alone time she's already had all week. There may be personality differences at play, too - some people need more closeness and want their loved ones close-by even if they're not doing anything specific together; others genuinely need more "space".

Could it help to have a bit of a plan ahead of time of how the evenings and weekends will go - for example, mention on Friday that you'll need to spend most of Saturday day working outdoors, but also plan a dinner and evening together? You could even plan to cook dinner together. Do you need to go on walks alone (it's understandable if you do), or could you sometimes go on walks together? Can you encourage any interests or hobbies she's had, that she may have put on the back burner recently? Just suggestions; you get the idea.

Finally, re the cup in sink incident. I used to be a scream-and-throw-things type (only very occasionally, when very angry) and considered it trivial - after all, I wasn't throwing things AT anyone or causing damage. But a lot of people are bothered by this kind of behaviour and may even experience it as aggression or violence. What seems unremarkable to you may be startling and worrying to her, especially if she has any history of abuse or trauma.

Again, I'd just talk calmly with her about it - see what she says, and if it is causing her distress, try to avoid that for her sake. She should do the same if there are "innocent" things she does that drive you bonkers as well - but she'll only know if you stay calm and open enough for her to tell you and for you to understand, and vice versa.

Srob70 · 21/06/2020 11:17

Many thanks for the advise. It's nice to get impartial views. Although, I haven't had time to digest them all, I will answer the questions many posters have asked. The reason for not sharing a bed, us that we both have health problems, she has arthritis and I suffer night sweats due to leukemia, and we both snore. Her house only has two bedrooms and her teenage son has the second. It a case that I don't seem to have a personal space, or room as the sofa is in the living room. It is a sofa bed, but I find in more comfortable as a sofa due to an old hip injury.

OP posts:
Eckhart · 21/06/2020 11:22

Why have you moved into a house that's too small for you, when you have a house of your own, OP? It doesn't make sense. You're one step away from 'I've moved into my girlfriend's bedsit, but she only has a single bed, so I sleep on the grass verge by the road outside.'

You are vastly neglecting your own needs. I'm not surprised you get frustrated (although before anyone jumps on me, chucking crockery about isn't ideal)

Deadringer · 21/06/2020 11:27

Whatever you do don't sell your house! I really think you should go back to living separately, it doesn't necessarily mean you have to split up. Sleeping on the couch and having no room for your own stuff is not sustainable long term. You could spend one or two week nights and weekends with your wife and do your own thing the rest of the time. I think she is being quite selfish, expecting you to make all the compromises, and it doesn't bode well for your future together.

Srob70 · 21/06/2020 11:29

Sorry to bore you further, her house is jointly owned by her ex husband, and hence while sell or renting my house. My house stopped being a home to me when my previous partner died from breast cancer 12 years ago. I would love to sell both houses but I'm not sure my wife does. i believe that her anger comes from her health issues, and I do believe that it's difficult to compromise later in life, as we both get set in our ways and find change stressful. thanks once again for the advice.

OP posts:
iften · 21/06/2020 11:34

Are you a hoarder OP? Is she worried about you moving your 'crap' in by stealth....via the shed?

This all sounds very uncomfortable for you.

Eckhart · 21/06/2020 11:59

I would love to sell both houses but I'm not sure my wife does

What does she say when you ask her?

Srob70 · 21/06/2020 12:51

Hi Eckhart, she said she loves where she is because of the view and doesn't really want the extra housework. She was keen on it a few months ago, but I haven't brought up the situation in a while. I'm more than happy to do the housework. But I'm confused because she doesn't want me too.

OP posts:
SusieOwl4 · 21/06/2020 13:11

You can not continue sleeping on a sofa bed in the lounge that is really not on

Single beds in the room , earplugs ? Surely there is a solution .

And at the moment I would be hanging on to your house .

Billben · 21/06/2020 13:15

Under no circumstance sell your house OP. I can see you moving back there unfortunately.

RantyAnty · 21/06/2020 13:35

How long did you date before getting married?

camelsellingrugs · 21/06/2020 13:35

Op you have leukaemia and you sleep on a sofa? Surely that's not comfortable. Don't move into a house where there isn't even enough room for you to have a bed. That's madness.

If your house doesn't feel like a home then sell and buy yourself something that does.

1forAll74 · 21/06/2020 13:48

It sounds like you have made a big mistake marrying this woman.
She want's you to follow all her instructions, and gets annoyed if you don't. It seems as though you are just a convenience for her.

She is likely to take you over if all this continues,and you will be left very unhappy. Your marriage is quite new, but never the less, it does not sound good for the happy future that you wanted.

BluebellForest836 · 21/06/2020 13:50

Don’t get rid of your house.

You need a bigger place if her son lives there and you need a room each.

Elieza · 21/06/2020 14:08

You sleep on a sofa. WTF.
No no no. That’s not right. You’re not in the best of health either. Why does she get the bed. Why is there not some other solution. It’s all wrong. Like you’re an overnight guest for one night that’s overstaying their welcome.

Have you got a lot of money or something, as I feel like she isn’t considering your needs at all, just her own, and she’s using you for something.

I don’t think she loves you judging by the way you are being treated.
You’re the one that’s to make all the sacrifices not her.
Her life’s barely changed, same house, same stuff in it that hers etc.

I reckon she’s hoping you’ll die before her and then she can get your money to buy her ex out his half of the house and return to her normal life in her own house with her child and without you.

Sorry.

You have a house. I suggest you return there. If you want to continue ‘dating’ her do so. Go round to each other’s houses. Go out walking and shopping together, joint hobbies etc.

But if I were you I’d cut my losses and divorce. Surely as it’s under a year it will be easy to do this. Without her getting all your money/half your pension etc...

Don’t undervalue yourself. There are plenty fish out there. She isn’t a catch. She’s selfish, inconsiderate and thoughtless. You can do better. Sorry. Watch that calendar. Don’t let this go on too long or you’ll pay dearly.

Eckhart · 21/06/2020 19:01

If she was actually keen on the idea of selling, you wouldn't have to raise it; she would.

She's just paying it lip service because she's stringing you along. 'Oh yeah, that's a great idea!', and then never mentions it again.

Move back to your own house, your own bed, and work on your boundaries. I'm pretty sure that if you start asserting your needs, she'll want to split up with you. But if not, you'll have a healthier relationship.

Srob70 · 21/06/2020 23:07

Thanks again from the post. Before I was married my hobbies were hiking, church, model flying and bird watching, and I used to have dinner with my uncle once a week, who passed away a few weeks ago. His funeral was on Friday and being unable to go, just added to my unhappiness. Since being married, apart from working Monday to Fridays, pre-covid I would go to church for two hours once a week, I mentioned to my wife that this is important to me, also on a Tuesday I have a one hour swimming lesson. Other than that I spend my evenings with my wife. She does the housework as she's at home all day. She cooks our evening meals and I do the dishes. On Saturday we have a lie in on the sofa before I do the shopping. When I return she cooks our dinner, and I occasional bake a cake. Again I do the dishes, then in the evenings we watch telly or do crosswords. Sunday's are spent watching a film on Netflix, then we prepare a Sunday roast. She does most of the cooking but I help with the peeling etc. Then whilst she cooks the dinner I do the garden, mowing etc. Once a year I spend a weekend away with my nephew who has learning difficulties, and he comes to stay with us for one weekend in the autumn. We also spend two or three weekends a year with her mother, and Christmas at her brothers. She used to work but gave it up to look after her grandson, who she adopted and is now her son. We used to go to the pub on a Saturday evening but that stopped before we got married. I have suggested she come swimming or go for a short work but says she can't due to her health. I've even suggested a picnic or anything to get out of the house, even though she complains she's stuck inside all day. She did go to the hairdresser's once month and misses greatly due to the lockdown. She doesn't use the internet and has no interest in it.

OP posts:
Srob70 · 21/06/2020 23:32

In response to the cup throwing, there is no excuse for it and I regret it greatly, as she told me her first husband was abusive towards her. However, it made me reflect on our relationship, and although you're only hearing my view, I nearly left early this year over me "ruining her weekend". We were playing darts on a Saturday evening and enjoying a drink. Unfortunately, I cannot drink a lot as it triggers a migraine. Which it did on this occasion so I decided to switch to tea and take some co-codamol. At which point she threw her darts at the board and stormed off accusing me of ending the evening because I put the kettle on. When I asked her the following day why she always directs her anger towards me, she said that what husband's are for.

OP posts:
FifteenToes · 22/06/2020 01:00

And it sounds like she meant it.

Honestly, I've known people like this. I've been in relationships with people like this. They don't change, and you can never make them happy.

sweetieno · 22/06/2020 05:06

She sounds awful, far too much hard work. I would move back into your house if I were you, wait two years, and file for divorce.

Needtolovemyself · 22/06/2020 06:40

When I asked her the following day why she always directs her anger at me, she said that’s what husbands are for.

This sums up her entire attitude toward you. She thinks you don’t need space for your personal belongings, a bed, time to explore hobbies or see family. She doesn’t see you as an equal. Have a read of this site. It explains how she sees you imo. narcsite.com/2020/01/09/inanimate-appliance/

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