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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Embarrassingly greedy DH

886 replies

Ludicruss · 20/06/2020 19:25

Today, we had a socially distanced gathering for a handful of people in our garden. It was great, but I'd forgotten about the way DH behaves around food when we're entertaining in our own home.
I was serving the food myself to prevent the risk of any covid contamination, wearing gloves. DH goes to find something to do inside whilst I serve the food for everyone and myself. He reappears when everyone starts eating and serves his own plate. What he then does is finish EVERYTHING off, leaving no possibility for me to return to serve up seconds for anyone. I was mortified. His plate was over flowing and more than doubled everyone elses plate.
I could see him standing at the side of the garden eating away his mountain of food out of the corner of my eye, DM got up to see what was left when she had finished, clearly intending to have some more. But all of it had gone.
I had tipped 3 packets of crisps into one bowl and nobody had asked for any during the first time I was serving, when I looked into the bowl after DHs visit, there were around 8 crisps left in the bottom of it. He had demolished almost all of them.
There was a tiny piece of chicken left and a pitta bread which DM ate as she clearly hadn't finished eating ( she had only wanted a small amount on her plate originally). I was also still hungry.
I had made most of the food and I'm pissed off that my effort was wasted on him stuffing himself with it all.
I was utterly embarrassed.
I made a joke about him eating all the crisps and DH went extremely red in the face. He will no doubt call me out on it later on for embarrassing HIM!
He is very over-weight and embarrassed about it, but nobody is allowed to mention it or his eating habits. And yet he stuffed himself with all the food for the guests.

How do I broach this? I love entertaining, I have really missed it, but he spoilt it for me today.

He doesn't do this when he visits other peoples houses,just at ours.

If there is ever shared food on the table at regular meal times,he always seems to wait until we all have a bit on our plates and then eats everything that's left. Sometimes I find myself filling my own plate with too much before he dives in and eats it all. I rarely serve food this way in th3 evenings because of his greediness. But it can't be helped when entertaining.

What do I say to him?
It's ridiculous.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
PrincessConsueIaBananaHammock · 23/06/2020 16:41

440 calories is enough for a lunch - that's just the pitta breads. Unless you're like the DH 'He is very over-weight ' at which case it is more than enough.

has no consideration for his guests - leaving guests hungry while he ate more than his fill.
Who could be attracted to that?

Both those statements can't be true at the same time. Each guest had at least one chicken breast ,a pitta ,the "buckets" of salad and desert.

Also OP is also overweight AND she has a tendency to exaggerate so I'd take the "very overweight " comment with a pinch of salt.

borntohula · 23/06/2020 16:42

@GimmeAy you are literally just here to tell everyone (repeatedly) that you don't eat much, aren't you?

Carolbaskinstiger · 23/06/2020 18:10

This thread has descended into madness.
@Ludicruss to answer the question that you actually asked - I’d broach it from the approach that it’s bloody rude to take the last of everything when you have guests.

It’s his home - if he’s still hungry he can make something else later.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 23/06/2020 18:20

I think the OP and her husband are very poor hosts indeed. Moreso the OP actually because no, you don't 'forget' if something like this has happened before.

The guests were left with their reasonable plate sizes, watching OP and her mother do the martyr-thing. That is bad form in itself. You do not let your guests be made to feel greedy themselves because you have only the cobwebs from the floor...

OP and her husband should not host other people; neither are equipped to behave properly.

It is quite unbelievable that people would treat their guests this way but, it takes all sorts.

I'm also convinced that there are posters who are probably very out of condition themselves, enjoying the 'fantasy' of pretending they are sylphlike, teeny-weeny eaters. It is just pure fantasy though. People who eat normally don't need to do this. It's really quite sad.

Carolbaskinstiger · 23/06/2020 18:35

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

I think the OP and her husband are very poor hosts indeed. Moreso the OP actually because no, you don't 'forget' if something like this has happened before.

The guests were left with their reasonable plate sizes, watching OP and her mother do the martyr-thing. That is bad form in itself. You do not let your guests be made to feel greedy themselves because you have only the cobwebs from the floor...

OP and her husband should not host other people; neither are equipped to behave properly.

It is quite unbelievable that people would treat their guests this way but, it takes all sorts.

I'm also convinced that there are posters who are probably very out of condition themselves, enjoying the 'fantasy' of pretending they are sylphlike, teeny-weeny eaters. It is just pure fantasy though. People who eat normally don't need to do this. It's really quite sad.

Don’t be an arsehole. You’re right - people with normal eating habits don’t feel a need to shout about how little they’ve eaten. People with eating disorders do though - why fuel the flames of that?
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 23/06/2020 18:42

Back at you, Carolwhatever. Are you incapable of posting without name-calling?

Why keep the thread going if you think it's 'fuelling the flames'? Actually, I don't care what your view is.

BrambleJam978 · 23/06/2020 18:42

@Carolbaskinstiger

Please don't call people an arsehole for having an opinion.

It's posts like that that make this thread descend into chaos , and you've posted on this thread A LOT. So the holier than thou attitude doesn't really wash.

Carolbaskinstiger · 23/06/2020 18:50

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe honestly re-read your last sentence.
I'm also convinced that there are posters who are probably very out of condition themselves, enjoying the 'fantasy' of pretending they are sylphlike, teeny-weeny eaters. It is just pure fantasy though. People who eat normally don't need to do this. It's really quite sad

You are aware that there really are real people with eating disorders on this forum I assume? Ones that undereat to the point of being at risk of death.

But hey yes let’s call them deluded fatties.

@bramble - not one of my posts has mentioned calories, being overweight, or greed etc. All have been about rudeness - not the food.

BrambleJam978 · 23/06/2020 18:56

@Carolbaskinstiger

I've got nothing against any of your posts , you can say what you want and I can comment.

But I won't call you an arsehole for stating your opinion either , and I expect everyone should have the same right to speak without descending into name calling.

Carolbaskinstiger · 23/06/2020 19:00

Fair enough, my response was rude. It wasn’t about the entire post - just the last sentence - which I personally felt crossed a line and has sod all to do with the topic but felt to me like it was more of a personal attack on some of the previous posters.

Railingsohno · 23/06/2020 19:05

Where is Mumsnet when you need them?! 🙈 This thread is the pits.

BendyLikeBeckham · 23/06/2020 19:55

Is anyone else thinking of the Little Britain sketch with the Fatfighters group?

Competitive undereating is not a good personality trait. I much prefer people who are generous of spirit (and table), both with themselves and others.

KatherineJaneway · 23/06/2020 20:09

Oh dear

MrsGrindah · 23/06/2020 20:16

Any chance of the orzo salad recipe OP?

livefornaps · 23/06/2020 20:17

Pahahaha! It's been a while since I read a good bun fight. Good sniping, everyone. Bravo.

Thisismytimetoshine · 23/06/2020 20:25

[quote Carolbaskinstiger]@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe honestly re-read your last sentence.
I'm also convinced that there are posters who are probably very out of condition themselves, enjoying the 'fantasy' of pretending they are sylphlike, teeny-weeny eaters. It is just pure fantasy though. People who eat normally don't need to do this. It's really quite sad

You are aware that there really are real people with eating disorders on this forum I assume? Ones that undereat to the point of being at risk of death.

But hey yes let’s call them deluded fatties.

@bramble - not one of my posts has mentioned calories, being overweight, or greed etc. All have been about rudeness - not the food.[/quote]
The only poster who has mentioned all those things has been Gimme, who maintains her appetite is perfectly normal and she's just not a greedy cunt.
In the face of that, I have no obligation to be mindful of potential eating disorders when talking in a perfectly normal manner about food, tbh.

ZombieFan · 23/06/2020 20:27

I told my size 8 friend, Kate Ovens from Fleet in Hampshire about this thread.

She told me that she had just eaten a 4,000 calorie fish and chips meal for a light lunch, followed by a pint of beer. 🤣

Embarrassingly greedy DH
Bluntness100 · 23/06/2020 20:48

This thread is mumsnet gold as it’s got both weight issues and under catering,,🤣

Curiously if the op had said “ money is tight right now and I couldn’t afford a lavish lunch so needed to be tight on portions, and serve up individually to make sure everyone got enough, but it wasn’t Actually enough and folks were still hungry but my husband ate more than everyone else and I’m so embarrassed about both the under catering and his over eating when we didn’t have enough food to go round”

The responses would have been totally and unanimously on her side.

Carolbaskinstiger · 23/06/2020 20:49

@Thisismytimetoshine I didn’t realise only one poster had mentioned this - I thought it was more. But that said - saying that “I’m not a greedy cunt” and having an eating disorder are not mutually exclusive. There are real people on the other end of these threads.

Girlsjustwanna · 23/06/2020 20:50

Wow people can get very het up about minor details on an online forum
Grin

livefornaps · 23/06/2020 20:55

@Girlsjustwanna - it's all I live for, tbh
@Bluntness100 - you always speak the truth, girl! Preach!

Thisismytimetoshine · 23/06/2020 20:56

[quote Carolbaskinstiger]@Thisismytimetoshine I didn’t realise only one poster had mentioned this - I thought it was more. But that said - saying that “I’m not a greedy cunt” and having an eating disorder are not mutually exclusive. There are real people on the other end of these threads.[/quote]
What is your point, exactly?? Was I supposed to agree that not being able to eat an entire chicken breast and having to have a lie down to recover if you ate more than that was normal?
It's not.

BrambleJam978 · 23/06/2020 20:56

I've just found out something about myself...

I get irrationally annoyed by people who come in at the end of a thread and make generalised comments about how pathetic it all was.... Who try (and fail) to sum it up in a few words and seek to be "better than" all the posters who actually created the thread ( not talking about me here, I came in late).

I probably make absolutely no sense here.

sonjadog · 23/06/2020 20:59

Well, yes, the responses would have been different if the OP had written something other than what she actually wrote...

Carolbaskinstiger · 23/06/2020 21:01

@Thisismytimetoshine ok I’m confused now. I was responding to another poster about why I had reacted the way I did. That’s all.