Embarrassingly greedy DH

[Ludicruss]

Today, we had a socially distanced gathering for a handful of people in our garden. It was great, but I'd forgotten about the way DH behaves around food when we're entertaining in our own home.
I was serving the food myself to prevent the risk of any covid contamination, wearing gloves. DH goes to find something to do inside whilst I serve the food for everyone and myself. He reappears when everyone starts eating and serves his own plate. What he then does is finish EVERYTHING off, leaving no possibility for me to return to serve up seconds for anyone. I was mortified. His plate was over flowing and more than doubled everyone elses plate.
I could see him standing at the side of the garden eating away his mountain of food out of the corner of my eye, DM got up to see what was left when she had finished, clearly intending to have some more. But all of it had gone.
I had tipped 3 packets of crisps into one bowl and nobody had asked for any during the first time I was serving, when I looked into the bowl after DHs visit, there were around 8 crisps left in the bottom of it. He had demolished almost all of them.
There was a tiny piece of chicken left and a pitta bread which DM ate as she clearly hadn't finished eating ( she had only wanted a small amount on her plate originally). I was also still hungry.
I had made most of the food and I'm pissed off that my effort was wasted on him stuffing himself with it all.
I was utterly embarrassed.
I made a joke about him eating all the crisps and DH went extremely red in the face. He will no doubt call me out on it later on for embarrassing HIM!
He is very over-weight and embarrassed about it, but nobody is allowed to mention it or his eating habits. And yet he stuffed himself with all the food for the guests.

How do I broach this? I love entertaining, I have really missed it, but he spoilt it for me today.

He doesn't do this when he visits other peoples houses,just at ours.

If there is ever shared food on the table at regular meal times,he always seems to wait until we all have a bit on our plates and then eats everything that's left. Sometimes I find myself filling my own plate with too much before he dives in and eats it all. I rarely serve food this way in th3 evenings because of his greediness. But it can't be helped when entertaining.

What do I say to him?
It's ridiculous.

Sorry pressed post too soon.

3.maybe he was sulking, maybe he was hiding from OP's disapproving view, maybe he kept social distance

4.He had the crisps at the same time as plating everything else

Op said she loves entertaining - his behaviour is not really conductive to this

Then perhaps they aren't compatible as a couple.

Although from the OPs posts his behaviour isn't the main issue here.

While I sort of agree that op’s updates haven’t painted her in the best light - her op did say “how do I broach this” As her dh seems to not give a thought to anyone else when it comes to food.

This would really annoy me too. As I’ve mentioned previously - my dh has to be told “no leave that it’s for tomorrow” or whatever sometimes. But he’s like “oh ok, I’ll eat something else”.

I actually think that the issue here is deeper than the food.

I think it's deeper than the food.

I think she already feels some resentment and this is something that happened on top of that.

But , as adults, we still have to approach things fairly. We don't get to be mean about people just because we are angry at them for something.

But I agree with you , this is about more than a lunch.

I actually think that the issue here is deeper than the food.

I agree. Atm,despite my comments , if I'm entirely honest I can't even decide if the issue is with her, him or a mix of both.

To be fair to OP she sounds miserable and fed up. Whatever is going on, at the moment is not working.

There is definitely something more going on here. We really need a lot more information about this 'light lunch' to work it out.

Who invited OP's family over, does DH get on with OP's family? Is DH an introvert? How many of the 6 people are on diets / have problems with food? Who decided what food and how much was cooked? Did DH agree it was only a 'light lunch' with 1.5 chicken pitas each? What was DH actually doing in the kitchen when you say he was hiding, how do you know he didn't have a genuine reason for being there?

In what way was DH hiding in the garden, was he behind a tree? How do you know how much he ate if he was hiding? Does he hide because he is regularly food shamed? Was their more food in the kitchen you could have brought out, would you have been happy if he had brought more out or he had ordered a takeaway to compliment the chicken pitas?

What about the deserts, did he eat any of them, did the guests? Did anyone actually leave hungry? Did you plate up 1.5 chicken pitas for everyone except your DH? Were these large chicken breasts from the butcher or tiny frozen ones from Asda? What size were the bags of crisps 15g? Was their any alcohol involved? What height/weight is your DH? Do you actually get on with your DH? Could the 1 child have been scoffing chicken breasts behind your back? How often does your family discuss your DH eating habits?

I love the depth of interest Zombiefan. I would absolutely love for the OP to answer every single question ... Then we could really get into all of it .

That post was marvellous. It was almost like Columbo does Seuss.

Did he eat the chicken pittas?
Did he eat them all for dinner?
Would he eat them in a hat?
Would he eat them with a cat?
Would he eat them on a train?
Or in a bush?
And in the rain?
Did he eat them here and there?
Did he eat them everywhere
Did he eat them by a tree?
Did he leave enough for me?
Did he eat the chicken pittas?
Did he eat them all for dinner?

God we are really bored at the moment aren’t we bloody depressing life.

600+ posts about the difference between 1.5 and 2.5 chicken breasts.

This board should be renamed "Precision Caterers Anonymous".

@ZombieFan

You've honestjy had me in stitches laughing with this...

In what way was DH hiding in the garden, was he behind a tree?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

This thread is bonkers. So many really defensive people piling on behalf of the husband. How is op abusive exactly?

I can't believe all the quibbling over amounts of food on this thread. Who gives an actual shit if op under or over catered ?

The fact is the husband hid in the kitchen whilst op plated up, took most of the rest of what was left, then went off to stand at the side of the garden to eat his lunch. What the fuck???? I'd be MORTIFIED if my husband did that. Forget taking too much food, that's a drect and very obvious snub to op and her family. But no, let's all stick the boot in to op and bully her over how much food she provided ffs

Who gives an actual shit if op under or over catered ?
Well clearly DH cares because he was food shamed for taking 1 chicken pita too much. OPs family care because they were apparently left to starve. And many on MN care because we are bored during lock down and have nothing better to do.

The fact is the husband hid in the kitchen
We dont know that because OP hasn't said what he was doing in the kitchen! She hasn't said if he was skulking behind a door, ducking under a window, scavenging in the cupboards for morsels of food or watching the last 5 minutes of a beech volleyball football game.

took most of the rest of what was left
There wasn't really much left to take as OP has admitted she under catered.

then went off to stand at the side of the garden to eat his lunch
Given they were socially distancing they were probably ALL standing at a side of the garden. Apart from DH who had shuffled behind a tree.

that's a direct and very obvious snub to op and her family
That is probably what this is really all about but OP hasn't given any info about the family relations other than they all appear to have food issues.

*I can't believe all the quibbling over amounts of food on this thread. Who gives an actual shit if op under or over catered ?

The fact is the husband hid in the kitchen whilst op plated up, took most of the rest of what was left, then went off to stand at the side of the garden to eat his lunch. What the fuck???? I'd be MORTIFIED if my husband did that. Forget taking too much food, that's a drect and very obvious snub to op and her family. But no, let's all stick the boot in to op and bully her over how much food she provided ffs*

The amount of food is completely relevant to the story.

The initial scenario painted was that there was loads of food and he ate a huge amount of it....nearly all of it leaving everyone starving.

Then it became apparent that there couldn't have been enough food for him to eat that much and that a lot of the story was exaggerated and it seemed like the OP had some control issues with food and her husband may have engaged in that behaviour because he gets shamed when he eats!

Op’s DH having dinner tonight.

I think all in all the guests didn’t go home hungry. There was plenty of food.
The OP is worried about her husbands eating habits and his weight.
She is embarrassed that her family saw his disordered eating.

Her husband has had 3 months of eating in isolation and forgot his manners.

They need to talk.

You want us to accept that you did not undercater. You know your crowd. This is a possibility. You have to accept that your husband did not overeat. It was a family gathering and the man was hungry and what he ate, surprise surprise was a normal size portion for an an average BMI healthy block. My husband is extra fit and would eat about that except the crisps on an average given day ( The salad would have disappeared though). There is a certain amount of protein you just have to eat to exist. Men eat more then women. Even if you see the fat overload on your husband underneath there is a build that HAS to be fed, and from what I surmise he is not on a diet.
IT was a family gathering, why should he tiptoe over food ? everybody should have felt confident enough to take what they wanted ? Did you want to serve him his plate ? Was that the issue ? Because there was not enough for seconds for sure. When you say 1.5 servings are they actual servings or are they what YOU say is 1 serving ? Perhaps you do not know the actual weight of your husband, I assume you would be quite surprised at how much calories he actually needs to maintain it, and what it looks like on a plate. My husband is slim and what you describe is just about what he would eat on a non special day. Yours is not, he might need more calories then mine genuinely. Not out of greed. To exist. You should sit down with your husband and start talking. truly. nothing is going to get resolved on here. Thanks for stating that this was not a barbecue. Just lunch outside. If it's lunch I would not expect seconds. You need to talk to him about his upbringing, just talking about it might help resolve a lot of things for you both and for him, as an individual. Might. Might not. And please team with your husband, you chose him. Let's say he's in a pit, you are not helping innit ?

The OP is worried about her husbands eating habits and his weight

But the op is also over weight so arguably hasn’t the best eating habits either.

If her husband had responded to her “joke” about the crisps, in kind, I’m fairly sure she’d have been bloody furious.

My ex husband wasn't great with food either. I made him cook his own because I'm a vegetarian and he only ate meat fried in lard.
On the rare occasion I cooked for him (I hate cooking) he would shove it down his neck without chewing standing up in the corner of the kitchen in silence.
That really used to annoy me - civilised people sit down with the family at the table, try not to eat like a feral wold and make some kind of limited conversation.

wolf.

What she did was say this AFTER he’s already eaten it. What was he meant to do? Feed her like a bird?

I assumed it was to stop him polishing off the desserts as well.

OP undercatered AND her H’s behaviour was rude.

This thread has definitely jumped the shark....