Embarrassingly greedy DH

[Ludicruss]

Today, we had a socially distanced gathering for a handful of people in our garden. It was great, but I'd forgotten about the way DH behaves around food when we're entertaining in our own home.
I was serving the food myself to prevent the risk of any covid contamination, wearing gloves. DH goes to find something to do inside whilst I serve the food for everyone and myself. He reappears when everyone starts eating and serves his own plate. What he then does is finish EVERYTHING off, leaving no possibility for me to return to serve up seconds for anyone. I was mortified. His plate was over flowing and more than doubled everyone elses plate.
I could see him standing at the side of the garden eating away his mountain of food out of the corner of my eye, DM got up to see what was left when she had finished, clearly intending to have some more. But all of it had gone.
I had tipped 3 packets of crisps into one bowl and nobody had asked for any during the first time I was serving, when I looked into the bowl after DHs visit, there were around 8 crisps left in the bottom of it. He had demolished almost all of them.
There was a tiny piece of chicken left and a pitta bread which DM ate as she clearly hadn't finished eating ( she had only wanted a small amount on her plate originally). I was also still hungry.
I had made most of the food and I'm pissed off that my effort was wasted on him stuffing himself with it all.
I was utterly embarrassed.
I made a joke about him eating all the crisps and DH went extremely red in the face. He will no doubt call me out on it later on for embarrassing HIM!
He is very over-weight and embarrassed about it, but nobody is allowed to mention it or his eating habits. And yet he stuffed himself with all the food for the guests.

How do I broach this? I love entertaining, I have really missed it, but he spoilt it for me today.

He doesn't do this when he visits other peoples houses,just at ours.

If there is ever shared food on the table at regular meal times,he always seems to wait until we all have a bit on our plates and then eats everything that's left. Sometimes I find myself filling my own plate with too much before he dives in and eats it all. I rarely serve food this way in th3 evenings because of his greediness. But it can't be helped when entertaining.

What do I say to him?
It's ridiculous.

Just got through most of the responses since yesterday.

To confirm my size, I'm a size 16.

Not a skinny person who eats 1000 calories per day.

This was a light lunch, not a buffet.

If people wanted to fill up, there was plenty of opportunity as there were desserts galore.

I challenge everyone to make a meal of matinated chicken and pitta bread. 1.5 portions each. Hardly a fraction. Call it 1 and a half chicken pittas if it sounds better.

Stuff them with lettuce and tomatoes.

Add 4 more really good portions of salad.

Chickpea and beetroot
Rice salad
Orzo salad
Greek salad loaded with feta and croutons.

Add a few crisps on the side for crunch.

Then tell me you're not full.

Myfitnesspal tells me that in that meal, with all my ingredients there were 1357 calories per plate.

Then eat 1 good sized piece of brownie, a slice of Victoria sponge and a slice of lemon drizzle.

Tell me you're not full.

You defend yourself really well

It really doesn't occur to you to defend your husband does it?

This was a social lunch. It's not for the host to decide whether the guests want it to be 'light', and social lunches are not usually calorie counting affairs.

Honestly, when I have guests, even just a few family, I lay out masses of food and people take what they want. So for a lunch, I will put ALL our cheese on a cheeseboard, and people take as much as they are in the mood for. I don't decide in advance that we're all eating a certain portion of cheese and measure that out. Anything not eaten goes back in the fridge.

Having to watch how much you eat, and consider portion sizes when visiting someone is horrid. Two of your guests deliberately took 'tiny' amounts.... why was this? There are some strange behaviour patterns here.

Are you trying to lose weight OP? Is that perhaps the reason for the tight control of what was laid out?

OP, you have my full support. This thread is awful. It's not "martyrdom" to ensure your guests have eaten their fill before you clear the decks, it is hospitality. Looks like your DH isn't the only rude glutton around here! Have you spoken to him about what happened?

I can't seriously believe anyone would think it was ok to knowingly cook less than your DH normally eats, then shame him for eating his usual portion.

The DH's appetite won't be a surprise - she lives with him! I know my DH's appetite and he knows mine.

Your husband clearly has a longstanding problem with food and overreating, but until he admits that, I don't know what you can do. It's like any other addiction.

1 and a half doesn't really sound any better than 1.5, no.
Why serve less than full portions in the first place? It's far more usual if there's doubt that one isn't enough to allow for two. At least two.

It's not being a rude glutton to eat more than one piece of chicken, StatementKnickers
You have food issues if you really believe that.

But he hid away and reappeared once we had all sat down and then hid again at the side of a tree to eat alone.
And yet you don't ask why he felt the need to do that (it's glaringly obvious from your posts), just express outrage that he did.

I find this thread so bizarre. Unless money is an issue (in which case ask that each guest brings a plate) surely in this situation you just whack an obscenely large amount of food on the table and everyone tucks in? I don't think I've even looked at someone else's plate. I've certainly never consciously allowed for 1.5 pittas each or the like. We eat leftovers for days

I love feeding people though. I'm single at the moment but my ex husband had the appetite of a bird and I found it so unattractive.

Good God all this OP bashing, what the hell is that all about? It doesn't matter if she under catered, he's still a rude pig.
He hid in the kitchen maybe he was filling his face in there as well with bread or whatever.
Then edged out to where the food was and filled his plate with everything that was left almost without even bothering to ask if anyone wanted seconds, then to add insult to injury did not sit and eat with everyone else like a normal person but STOOD at the edge of the garden just stuffing his face.
Where I come from that's incredibly bad manners and he's behaving like a dog that's stolen a steak and has dragged it off to eat it on his own growling if anyone else comes near.
That is incredibly weird behaviour.
Its his house so why didn't he just take a normal amount, eat it slowly, sitting and talking to the guests like a normal person and if he was still hungry he could have gone into the kitchen and eaten some bread or something or gone out later and got a snack from the shop.
There is no excusing his behaviour at all.
I would definitely have called him out on it.

"Shaming him won't work - why not just not put all the food out at once, but save some to refill the dishes after DH has got his? It won't solve the problem of his greed, but at least make sure there is enough to go round".

How about OP doesn't need to go to ridiculous lengths to manage her husbands life and he grows up and learns some manners and how to be a decent host.
Its not a womans job to "manage" men and their bizarre behaviours.

Still ravaging threads I see

Lol. Hit a nerve did I?

I can’t believe you’re over weight and shaming your husband for also being over weight.

You keep padding out the food whilst simultaneously exclaiming how greedy your husband is and the extra one chicken breast and one pitta he ate would have been seconds for all of you, how mortified you were that you didn’t have enough food because he ate it and how you and others were still hungry.

Either you had a tonne of food and you should have been challenging the hungry folks (because apparantly you’d challenge anyone to say they were hungry after the veritable feast you supplied) or you didn’t supply a ton of food and they were hungry. One extra chicken breast and one extra pitta wasn’t going to feed them all to full.

It can’t be both. Either you prepared so much food you’d challenge them to be hungry or you didn’t and they went hungry like you said in your op. Splitting a chicken breast six ways wasn’t going to fill them up.

That is incredibly weird behaviour
It is, and op isn't thinking about why, just vilifying him for being a rude pig. He probably did it after being court martialed about the missing crisps.

The food is not the problem here . At that lunch you could argue it was enough for everyone. I personally wouldn't have been able to eat most if the salads or desserts due to intolerances and the fact I'm dieting. I prefer low carb, high protein so I would have expected at least one more protein choice.

The fact is I am just one person and everyone will have different opinions about the food that was provided.

I don't care about that

I think the way the OP and a great many PPs have described the OPs husband as greedy and slovenly is utterly appalling if I'm honest. Your spouse is supposed to have your back in life. And the OP really doesn't have her husband's back at all.

But I'm sure we will get another post from her describing the ways she didn't undercater because she really took that to heart.

I feel sorry for him...enjoying his lovely chicken and crisp pittas at the party then realizing he was in trouble for it.

I would have plated his too, and if there was strict portion control on the chicken would have given everyone their share first time.

I am still unable to understand why this is all OPs fault Serendipity?
Her husband is an adult male not a 2 year old.
Unless he was skulking in the shed all day could he not have spoken out while she was preparing the food to say I think we should prepare a bit more, that looks a bit mean, or got his hands dirty and prepared another dish himself?
Or gone out and brought a couple of big bags of crisps qand some other snacks.
Or bought some more meat for him top barbeque or just about anything really.
I cannot understand a grown man who behaves in this way, skulking about, hiding, not communicating with anyone, eating his food miles away from the other guests. What the hell is that all about?
When I was married we'd both be serving food, checking glasses, handing things out. Like normal people. I don't get how his behaviour is ok.

@Ludicruss

Just got through most of the responses since yesterday.

To confirm my size, I'm a size 16.

Not a skinny person who eats 1000 calories per day.

This was a light lunch, not a buffet.

If people wanted to fill up, there was plenty of opportunity as there were desserts galore.

I challenge everyone to make a meal of matinated chicken and pitta bread. 1.5 portions each. Hardly a fraction. Call it 1 and a half chicken pittas if it sounds better.

Stuff them with lettuce and tomatoes.

Add 4 more really good portions of salad.

Chickpea and beetroot
Rice salad
Orzo salad
Greek salad loaded with feta and croutons.

Add a few crisps on the side for crunch.

Then tell me you're not full.

Myfitnesspal tells me that in that meal, with all my ingredients there were 1357 calories per plate.

Then eat 1 good sized piece of brownie, a slice of Victoria sponge and a slice of lemon drizzle.

Tell me you're not full.

So what did you actually plate up for the guests? Was it what you've described (minus pudding)? The pitta and chicken with salad, plus portions of four other salads, plus crisps?

Because you're right, it does sound filling - in which case, your husband having the remainder is not exactly classy but equally isn't snatching food out of your guests' mouths.

And if you didn't plate that, why not? You talk about wearing gloves to avoid contamination - wouldn't it just have been easier to evenly portion it all out and let people graze from their own plates for a couple of hours?

And if there was plenty of pudding to go around, aren't you making a bit of a big deal about it? Surely people will just have gone away saying, 'Well, DH ate the leftovers from the main, but there was loads of pudding so we had that!'. It's not a hardship!

I'm also confused because you say elsewhere that you might have undercatered, but did so with your guests' appetites in mind. Again - if they're not big eaters then what you plated for them would have stuffed them, surely? So your husband would've been fine to have most of the rest.

To be honest, it sounds like you don't really like your husband very much. On a deeper level. Do you have the Ick? Genuine question. You just sound so contemptuous of him. What's your relationship like in general? Is this the straw that's breaking your back?

I don't know what her husband did or didn't do... And neither do you.

The OP has form for exaggeration and we only have half or the story at best. All I know is , he waited till everyone else had been fed and he got a plate. But if she was worried about there not being enough food she could have said to him... But she didn't

I am assuming nothing in my posts , you are assuming a hell of a lot.

He has really bad manners (and is greedy and a bad host)

Meanwhile you undercatered

Next time, prepare twice the food. Nothing worse than being portioned 1.5 pitta, 1 piece of chicken and 3 tiny bags of crisps for sharing . Buy one family sized bag per person next time. People love crisps

Left overs to be eaten the next day. Uneaten crisps (in bags) last for ages

The only thing I have ever critisised is the OPs treatment of her husband, the way she speaks about him. And I will critisise that, because it's awful. I'm not saying she should or shouldn't do anything but treat her husband with some respect. I'm not telling her to parent him or feed him or infantalise him. I don't actually see anywhere it says he needs that. So he eats a big plateful at mealtimes? It doesn't make him a bad person.

Actually I did mention she undercatered a few times as well, I just consider that to be a statement rather than a critisism but yeah, you could say I mentioned that, apologies.

Agrre with Bluntness
If OP dh was inside when she was serving up, surely common sense would be to say to him, MIl Sil may want seconds can you leave them a bit. It sounds as if OP set him up to fail.She complains he has form for this but then expects him to know how much everyone has had.

How are things with your DH this morning, OP? Did he say anything about it? Or did you have a conversation with him?