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Original poster

Husband dragged me, is that acceptable?

105 replies

opmamatrist · 18/06/2020 23:26

So my brother in law is due to get married in August (which likely will be delayed due to pandemic), I personally have outfits for the wedding and won't be buying anything however my mother in law would like to travel to Manchester to shop for wedding outfits. I have a one year old baby who I breastfeed and so I haven't really travelled very far since having him due to not feeling comfy feeding him in public. So I've said I don't want to go and my husband went ballistic, accused me of always causing problems when it comes to doing things with his family. I got fed up of arguing and went into bed and he dragged me out and chucked me on the floor to carry on talking. I don't think it's appropriate to travel unnecessarily during the pandemic and do not want to put my baby at risk hence I said no, is that so unreasonable? Should I be going out like normal? I haven't been to a shop since February!

OP posts:

Browzingss · 19/06/2020 00:09

@MintyMabel

I'll be honest if I never had my little boy I would have walked out and never come back.

Because you have your little boy you should walk out and never come back.

I agree

caringcarer · 19/06/2020 00:09

Dragging someone who is never acceptable. If he has done this once he could do it again. It is not safe for your baby or you to stay with him. I would tell him he had to move out for a month whilst I considered our future.

FurbabyLife · 19/06/2020 00:10

Anything short of leaving him is a massive under reaction.

Browzingss · 19/06/2020 00:12

Listen to the posters who have told you that this is how physical abuse, amongst other things, begin.

Right now he’s just testing your boundaries and seeing how you react. If you do nothing, it will escalate

Giraffey1 · 19/06/2020 00:13

Of course couples argue, have disagreements. That’s pretty normal. Being dragged out of bed and thrown on the floor, on the other hand, is anything but. No one deserves that.

BashStreetKid · 19/06/2020 00:18

He made me feel like I was such a rubbish wife, he said he wished he had a wife who would just listen and not cause a fuss over everything

You are not a rubbish wife. You are a perfectly normal wife who is allowed to have her own opinion. No husband worth having would demand that his wife just listen and agree with him all the time.

As people have said, your husband't violence is much more of an issue than the shopping one, but of course you were 100% reasonable not to want to go. We still shouldn't be making unnecessary journeys, and going on a shopping trip just for your MiL to have company is the epitome of an unnecessary journey. Given that you'd probably have to queue at every shop you visit, the whole trip could take hours which just isn't appropriate when you have a breastfed baby. So the fact that your husband is saying that you are in the wrong for not wanting to make this utterly pointless and potentially dangerous trip makes his conduct even worse.

GilbertMarkham · 19/06/2020 00:29

Totally and utterly out of order a d unacceptable.

Bullying, physically aggressive, abuse really.

And of anyone,leg alone a breast feeding mum.

he said he wished he had a wife who would just listen and not cause a fuss over everything

They havent got stepford wife robots yet, tell him it'll be a few years before they do.buy him a life size sex doll maybe .. though don't do housework,look after children, drive etc.

cakeandchampagne · 19/06/2020 00:32

@FurbabyLife

Anything short of leaving him is a massive under reaction.

Exactly this.

Somethingkindaoooo · 19/06/2020 00:40

Of course he shouldn't drag you...
But I'm curious why you need your parents to validate your decision ( if you left him).

OP, you're a mother. Don't look to your parents for approval. Look out for YOUR child, do what's right for YOUR child...

Coyoacan · 19/06/2020 00:43

Because you have your little boy you should walk out and never come back

This

My dd was in abusive relationship and kept on going back. But at least she had the sense to kick him out when he started being abusive after their little girl was born. No child deserves to see their mother treated like and it is very psychologically unhealthy for them

LemonadeAndDaisyChains · 19/06/2020 00:44

I got fed up of arguing and went into bed and he dragged me out and chucked me on the floor to carry on talking.

That's not normal.
Fuck that
Regardless of whether you wanted to go shopping or not, just no.

PyongyangKipperbang · 19/06/2020 00:50

@Somethingkindaoooo

Of course he shouldn't drag you... But I'm curious why you need your parents to validate your decision ( if you left him).

OP, you're a mother. Don't look to your parents for approval. Look out for YOUR child, do what's right for YOUR child...

I think rather than validate it, just to have him admit it in front of someone else.

Abuse victims are often not believed or blamed for "winding him up" so if she does the "why did you do that?" in front of her parents he has no way to gas light her.

Happynow001 · 19/06/2020 00:56

@opmamatrist

I got fed up of arguing and went into bed and he dragged me out and chucked me on the floor to carry on talking.
This is calculated violence. He didn't "just" push you when you were standing arguing. He actively FOLLOWED you into your bedroom, dragged you out of bed, threw you onto the floor to carry on verbally attacking you. This behaviour is NOT reasonable in the least.

it didn't hurt me but it did scare me. He doesn't get angry very often, he is usually very nice tbh. Of course when we argue I can't stand him but he's never hit me.
The fact that he didn't hurt you and is usually nice and has never hit you (yet) is really not enough, is it? His actions on even this one event can very be the start of worse future behaviour on his part. The fact you were scared should not be overlooked. What sort of husband scares his wife/mother of his child?

I'm unsure you'll actually do this but I think you should call your parents to come and collect you and your baby to stay with them for a while, to get away from the terrible atmosphere there must now be in your home, and to give yourself some calm thinking space for you and your baby.

Take care OP. 🌹

ZacklySo · 19/06/2020 01:30

@Wearywithteens

“he wished he had a wife who would just listen and not cause a fuss over everything.“

So he wants a silent puppet with no mind of their own? He’s an abusive, insecure prick with a fragile ego that if provoked he’ll get physical. This will escalate unless you turn into the submissive frightened mouse he wants. Take this as the first sign of him trying to control you and silence you. Leave as soon as you can. Don’t let it get worse.

This! Please listen to the posters on the thread. It is all about control, he will only get worse. You do not want this kind of life for you and your son. Get help and stay safe

Jux · 19/06/2020 01:32

Please run straight to your parents' arms with your lovely boy. Your dh is not a safe person to be with; you say he doesn't hit you, but he's already begun the physical violence - he started dragging you, and he will escalate. Don't give him the opportunity.

Italiangreyhound · 19/06/2020 01:43

Sorry OP this is 100% unacceptable. Because of your little boy you should protect yourself and him.

Flittingabout · 19/06/2020 01:45

In my culture I would have to involve our families as it isn't acceptable to leave a spouse without the family agreeing (otherwise I would risk losing the family support and relationships entirely). I hope your families wouldn't brush this under the carpet and would see you have to leave this man now but if they don't or won't face this, please speak to Womens Aid and get support from people who understand from your local mums or faith group perhaps.

TehBewilderness · 19/06/2020 01:48

I am so sorry he did that to you.
People who refuse to take no for an answer are not safe to be around.
It is not unusual for the abuse to start during the pregnancy or after the birth of the baby because it is so much harder for us to leave them.

Juliehooligan · 19/06/2020 01:52

Please get yourself and your baby to safety, normal people don’t behave like that.