Husband dragged me, is that acceptable?

[opmamatrist]

So my brother in law is due to get married in August (which likely will be delayed due to pandemic), I personally have outfits for the wedding and won't be buying anything however my mother in law would like to travel to Manchester to shop for wedding outfits. I have a one year old baby who I breastfeed and so I haven't really travelled very far since having him due to not feeling comfy feeding him in public. So I've said I don't want to go and my husband went ballistic, accused me of always causing problems when it comes to doing things with his family. I got fed up of arguing and went into bed and he dragged me out and chucked me on the floor to carry on talking. I don't think it's appropriate to travel unnecessarily during the pandemic and do not want to put my baby at risk hence I said no, is that so unreasonable? Should I be going out like normal? I haven't been to a shop since February!

He made me feel like I was such a rubbish wife, he said he wished he had a wife who would just listen and not cause a fuss over everything. Yes we have arguments like any other couple does, very few are big issues but I feel like when it's a very emotionally blown argument like today's he always makes it feel like every argument we've ever had is like that and I'm just always causing an issue. I don't know what else I can do. I try be the best wife that I can, I'm not perfect but no one is. I'll be honest if I never had my little boy I would have walked out and never come back.

How terrifying to be assaulted like that.

The police will definitely see that as assault.

Protect yourself.

He is not a good man.

but he's never hit me

Ok, but he has assaulted you so that's a pointless statement to make.

That you seem so calm about it suggests your benchmark for normal, acceptable behaviour is in the wrong place.

All abusive men are nice at least some of the time otherwise nobody would ever get close enough to them to be abused...

Freedom Programme - do the online course.

I think your husband definitely needs a reality check!! His behaviour towards you is not acceptable on any level !! Think about the long term and run Asap.💐

No it is not in anyway acceptable and I'd be ringing the police and applying for an injunction.

Guarantee this abuse will escalate into violence.

Having your little boy is even more reason to leave. You cannot raise him in a home with emotional and physical abuse.

If you have family or friends that are emotionally supportive, go stay with them asap. Then speak to womens aid from there.

Totally unacceptable no matter what the argument was about which I also agree with you on

If he dragged your child out of bed and onto the floor would that be ok?

Apart from the obvious that you shouldnt be dragged anywhere, currently we are told to shop alone and not in groups.

Of course it's not OK, for an reason other than if he was saving your life!

Can most of the posters just chill out for God sake, there's no need for blunt comments. People do not understand they are in an abusive relationship so to talk down and being patronising to them is just horrible.

OP, most of the people on here are right, this is just the start of physical abuse, not only that but it seems like he's mentally abusing you by making you feel like your not a worthy wife. I know it's hard when people say get out, leave him. But the safety of you and your children are priority, perpetrators of domestic violence never change. I hope your okay x

Bump for The Freedom Programme.

Are you South Asian origin? If so you should probably involve families (particularly yours) asap for an intervention. His reaction is definitely not normal.

No this isn't acceptable. I got dragged too, more than once. By the hair. It didn't stop there and it did escalate to being hit amongst other things.

Please don't minimise what has happened to you.

He didn’t just drag you out of bed, that minimises his actions I think. Mid argument in a blinding rage, he’s pulled you out of bed and essentially pushed you to the floor because you refused to engage with him. And I’m sure you told him to get off etc whilst he was doing that. So disgusting

Honestly I’d cal your parents now and tell them what happened and see what they say. If they offer for you to go over, do so.

he wished he had a wife who just listened and not cause a fuss over everything

if I never had me little boy I would walk out

OP, If you stay then the values and attitudes that your husband expresses about women and the expectations he has about how women should behave are the values and expectations that he will be teaching your little boy are acceptable. is that how you want to raise your child?

I'm with you all the way. Why does your mother in law need you to go with her to buy her outfit, can she not choose on her own? It wouldn't be much for your one year old to be dragged around shops for half a day either.

However the really big thing about your post is your husband being so angry, dragging you out of bed and throwing you on the floor.

I don't say this often but - LTB. Better still, kick him out.

OP, that's a shameful way to treat anyone, never mind a partner.

Imagine he does this again (which he undoubtedly will), in two years time. Do you want that to be one of your child's earliest memories? Or have any memory of something like that? They only way to guarantee that he won't, is to leave.

He has no respect for your right to an opinion, your right to express your fears, or your right to feel safe in your home and your marriage.

I'll be honest if I never had my little boy I would have walked out and never come back.

Because you have your little boy you should walk out and never come back.

Call*

I’d even report this to the police, just to ask for their advice. He’s currently in a volatile mood and you don’t know what he’s currently planning, you ever feel in danger call 999. He needs to know his actions aren’t acceptable

Mine started with waking me up, then I got dragged out of bed, then a slap, then a couple of slaps, then a punch, then....

he tried to murder me by strangulation. It took 12 years from start to finish. Every time you go back you are accepting his behaviour and he will ramp it up.

Please PLEASE get out now, while you can.