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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I login to his snapchat?

28 replies

askadvice96 · 15/06/2020 17:18

My partner and I had an argument and he has ghosted me since. He hasn’t replied to my last message and I’ve noticed he hasn’t been online on anything either which is unusual.

I’m hurt that he’s ghosted me and possibly this is his way of ending it, but I’m also worried something may have happened as usually if we’ve fallen out and ‘broken up’ he would say so and/or delete me from everything. But he hasn’t.

I don’t want to involve his family or friends and look silly if he’s just ignoring me and nothing/no one else. I think I remember his snapchat password and this is what he uses the most - if you were me, would you login to see if he’s replied to anyone? If he hasn’t then it’ll make me think more that something is maybe up and if he is replying to others, I know it’s ended but he just never told me.

Honest answers please.

OP posts:
Mabelface · 15/06/2020 17:19

Don't do it.

Yankathebear · 15/06/2020 17:20

No because I’m a grown up.
Stay or leave but don’t play games with each other.

Original poster
askadvice96 · 15/06/2020 17:21

Is there anything you’d suggest doing? At this point I’m going out my mind not knowing if it’s over or if something is actually up.

OP posts:
fairgame84 · 15/06/2020 17:23

Ugh I had an ex like this. He used to resurface about 3 days later. Leave it.
If there is a problem his family or friends will notice.

Original poster
askadvice96 · 15/06/2020 17:23

I’m not playing games and nor does asking this question make me any less of a grown up. I’m simply going out of my head with worry that either something has happened as this is unusual for him or he’s ended it and he hasn’t even let me know. Either way, I’m asking what to do in this situation as other than what I’ve mentioned, I don’t have an option to find out so asked for advice.

OP posts:
booboo24 · 15/06/2020 17:23

I totally understand the temptation, but if you do this and he finds out it will be over for sure.

If he has ghosted you I'd make his mind up for him to be totally honest.

No, I would try not to do this? You might read into something that isn't there....

Original poster
askadvice96 · 15/06/2020 17:26

Yeah I really don’t want to do it because it’s also his privacy. And I wouldn’t want to hurt myself more if he is ghosting me and ended it and started chatting to others already. I’m just not sure on how to confirm if it’s over or if somethings up. If he is ghosting, it’s so so cruel.

OP posts:
Guiltypleasures001 · 15/06/2020 17:32

Look op your last word is cruel..

So he's being cruel to you and your desperate for some closure
He perhaps doesn't care enough about you to offer any
Or he might think that this is his closure
I shall now circle back to the word cruel, why would you allow him
To do this to you?

Regardless of this one occasion it's obvious he has form for this
But you continue to tie yourself in knots over someone who hasn't
The same depth of thought for you

From now onwards your feelings of his treatment of you and how it's making
You feel is now actually on you..you either allow him to quietly go away
Or you make yourself suffer further indignities and cruelty from him
It's hard it's harsh but it's the truth

You don't need deserve or want this so make a better choice

Angelonia · 15/06/2020 17:47

OP I notice you say that he would usually delete you from everything when this happens. So it sounds like it's happened before (possibly several times)?

This one isn't a keeper. It's really unlikely anything bad has happened to him. Just block him and move on.

Original poster
askadvice96 · 15/06/2020 18:09

Yeah, he has previously deleted me from everything and ghosted when we’ve had an argument. However he hasn’t deleted and not been online which is odd. I should think he is just playing games and changed it up a bit but it’s that worry he’s not ok. I think I need to tell myself if something was up I should think his mum would know as he lives with her. Unfortunately I can’t do anything to settle my mind and I’ll have to just move on never knowing

OP posts:
Isthisnothing · 15/06/2020 18:26

He sounds horrible. Log in if you want, I suspect you will see stuff you can't unsee but it will help you get over him super fast. Even if this is not the case I don't think you should continue on with him

Sharpandshineyteeth · 15/06/2020 18:30

You will look back on this when it’s all over and wonder why you ever kept putting yourself through it. I did.

Take control now and you block him and move on. There must be reasons why you break up regularly. Stick to it

user1481840227 · 15/06/2020 18:33

He's not your partner if he's ghosting you.
Also that's not ghosting if he then gets back in touch. That's giving you the silent treatment so that you learn not to argue with him or challenge him.

NoMoreDickheads · 15/06/2020 18:50

If he's deleted you in the past then fuck him off. Block him on everything. It will save you further hurt- if he does get in touch he could end it and insult you and stuff. Block and save yourself from pain.

If someone deletes you, block them, never allow them back.

Men are easy to find, so ditch those that treat you badly and hurt you.

ErickBroch · 15/06/2020 18:52

If you're desperate then contact him and say you just want an answer and if you don't hear back in an hour then you'll call the police for a welfare check as you're worried about his welfare.

Although I'd only do that if he lives alone. If he lives with friends or family then don't - if he was hurt or unwell they would know.

sammylady37 · 15/06/2020 18:53

No. Don’t log into his snapchat. Don’t invade his privacy and that of those who contact him there.

Have a look at the pattern here of how he treats you and let the penny drop, them up your standards and get rid of him.

Fairycake2 · 15/06/2020 20:26

I'm sure if anything worrying had happened you would have heard from one if his family or friends. Its more likely he's being a spineless prick who isn't brave enough to tell you he wants to break up. Do it for him and block him on everything. Stay strong OP and remember, you deserve better

Mermaidwaves · 15/06/2020 20:32

I would OP, perhaps not the best thing to do but I still would.

Crystalspider · 15/06/2020 20:47

He's too much of a coward to reply to you and end it so he's ghosting you. Don't message him anymore and no don't login to his snapshap.

backseatcookers · 15/06/2020 21:04

Yeah, he has previously deleted me from everything and ghosted when we’ve had an argument. However he hasn’t deleted and not been online which is odd.

Uuuugh OP, come on!

This is madness, it's like teenagers having a spat after school and playing games to make each other jealous.

Don't engage with this behaviour, end it and move on.

Do not wait for his next move - this is what he does and you know that now.

Do you want to be with someone like that? Someone who is so immature and plays games? Hopefully not.

bubbleup · 15/06/2020 21:14

There's nothing "up" apart from he's a wanker and you two aren't suited. Delete him. Move on ffs

shootmenow2020 · 15/06/2020 21:52

Stop giving him power. Block and move on from someone who thinks they can keep you on the long finger. Honestly you'll meet someone a lot nicer if you walk away xxx

Yeahnahmum · 16/06/2020 05:31

I am with @backseatcookers op.

Pintofbeer · 16/06/2020 07:14

At this point I’m going out my mind not knowing if it’s over or if something is actually up.

Can't you just decide it's over?

Why does it need to come from him?

cece · 16/06/2020 07:32

Take some control and delete him off of everything. He's not a keeper and free yourself to meet someone who treats you respectfully.