I have been silenced.......................

[ConcentricCircles]

Where to begin.After knowing each other for 8 years, my partner persuaded me to live with him so that we could sort and decorate this house, then search for a joint house and thus have a 'rest of our lives' fabulous time together.
Well, it isn't. He's lazy. will only clean up when suggested to. Only bathes approx twice a week. Won't cook. Makes no effort to go out except to do what suits him, spending most of the time in the corner of the room on his screen telling me he expects me to be silent and not disturb him. etc.
I feel I have been lied to.
I'm now in the spare room as the bedroom stinks so much due to his lack of hygiene.
He tells me he has anxiety, so I've worked with that. Tried to boost his self esteem/confidence, bit my tongue when things don't get done as if I do say anything he closes his eyes, does big sighs, then goes to bed, making me feel bad.
Yesterday - and not for the first time - he blew up at me, no sign of anxiety , yelled, swore and stormed off to bed. He's still there. He did get up this morning, but for once I was really cross and told him in no uncertain terms that after 4 years of this, I've had enough, that he needs to see a doc if his anxiety is that bad. He then closed his eyes, sighed and went back to bed, and is still there.

Is this really how anxiety manifests itself? I knew him for 8 years previous to moving in and had no sign of it apart from him cancelling a couple of weekends as he needed 'some quiet time', which I though nothing of.

So, I have learned to know my place. I have been silenced...........he thinks!

I've decided to leave and move somewhere I've always wanted to live. I've spent the day searching for jobs and places to rent. I've found a place where, in my head, I'm living already..................

............and I feel so bloody sad. What a waste.

[simonisnotme]

dont feel sad
feel free

[kgal3542]

@ConcentricCircles
"So, I have learned to know my place. I have been silenced . .he thinks.
I've decided to leave and move somewhere i've always wanted to live."
OP, I could have written this part myself. Well done for realising and doing something to help yourself. I thought of the old adage "You don't know someone until you live with them," some people have an inkling when they go on holiday with their partner, but after 8 years you have had your eyes opened.

[truthisarevolutionaryact]

Well done OP. Get your ducks in a row (as the wonderful women on here say) and off you go.
You deserve far better than this - and living alone can be fantastic! Especially when you consider the alternative

[carly2803]

good for you OP, when are you leaving?

do not look back. You have a new life awaiting you

[carly2803]

good for you OP, when are you leaving?

do not look back. You have a new life awaiting you

[carly2803]

good for you OP, when are you leaving?

do not look back. You have a new life awaiting you

[Josette77]

I'm so excited for your new life!!!! You will have a fabulous time in your clean house with your beautifully restored furniture. I wish I could hug you, because I feel it in my bones that your new life is going to be amazing. You deserve it!!

[Bundlemuffin]

Congratulations on your new life, OP.

You are well rid. He may or may not have anxiety, but either way he is definitely a twat!

[Zilla1]

I'm sorry, OP. That must be so disappointing and it's not like you rushed into this. Well done for being decisive and good luck. Could you add Curtis Mayfield Move on Up to your playlist. Best wishes for your next relationship.

[nettie434]

Another one wishing you well ConcentricCircles. Only a psychiatrist could tell you whether it is anxiety or twattery but it is definitely not the sort of life that you or anyone else could willingly share. FWIW, if he really cared, he would have gone to a doctor for your sake, even if he did not feel anyone could help him.

[ConcentricCircles]

I've just been consulting DR Google re anxiety, and please, don't think I'm being flippant about this as I know that for 1,000's of people it is a real and terrible thing that blights lives.
Having read the general symptoms list I can honestly only relate 2 of them to him. Lack of hygiene, general all round lazyness with the added amazing ability of suddenly being able to do what suits him as and when, are not on any of the sites I've looked at.

@ShebaShimmyShake - You're right his lifestyle isn't my responsibility. I do believe in having compassion and consideration for my fellow man, and had I continued to think what he told me was true, then I wouldn't have started this thread. But something he said last night has tripped him up - but he doesn't know that I picked up on it - yet....I've been too soft haven't I!

@VictoriaBun - when you ask - Well, I have some funds that will see me through for around 6 months, but I want to get this right, because once I leave, I'm not coming back. So, job first. School jobs that are being advertised are to start in Sept, with interviews in July. Soo, if I'm successful, I can then start to look for a place. The one I found today is fab. I want it!!

Oh to have a place where toast crumbs go in the bin and not the floor. Where a trail of grot snakes around the place, dropped to the floor as he walks around. Where I don't have to wear PPE when venturing into his room to open the window. ....And. AND. where I don't have to listen to his feck/yuk/grot throat clearing 1'000's times a day - makes me heave.

[Cherrysoup]

Get yourself gone and smell the roses! Better than rank lack of personal hygiene. Thank god you didn’t buy with him!

[recycledteenager24]

good for you op have fun and enjoy your new life

[ConcentricCircles]

@nettie434 - you've got it spot on. That is why he shouted and swore at me yesterday, as I asked him for the zillionth time to go to the docs re this. His answer in the main was that 'he couldn't be bothered'.

It bloody well hurts does that.

If you love someone, you do whatever you can to ensure you both have as good a life together that you can - that's what I believe anyway.
I have an illness that, if I don't follow a particular treatment path it will overwhelm me and I will need care. So, I take my meds, excercise, have complimentary therapy regularly, eat healthily, .

On top of that I used to go out, meet friends, have adventures....all that has gone. What the hell has he done to me?

[ScrumptiousBears]

Oh enjoy plotting your new life OP

[LorenzoVonMatterhorn]

I feel so bloody sad. What a waste.
Dont look at it like that. Think of it like this!

I feel so sad. What a learning curve. Im leaving him behind as soon as possible because anytime longer than absolutely necessary with this lazy smelly man will be a waste!

[Oxfordnono12]

High five!! Congratulations on taking your life back!! He's a twat!!

[Otterseatpuffinsdontthey]

Best of luck

[SummerDayWinterEvenings]

Oh God -please hire a van and leave asap. How bloody awful. Change the title of this thread you ...................'I've found my voice and I'm free'

[MadameMeursault]

Congratulations @ConcentricCircles on deciding on your new life. Don’t feel sad. Don’t look back. You’ve got the rest of your life to live, I hope it will be a very happy one. You deserve it.

[goingtotown]

On a practical note have your mail redirected, & block the filthy slob. Good Luck for the future.

[istheresomethingishouldknow]

Glad you're getting out, OP. Don't look back.

[DRCanShoveHisWandUpHisRs]

Good luck, OP, this is the start of a new, much better, chapter for you. The world's your oyster

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

NOT A WASTE!!!!

It was time well spent to find out what a lazy bollox he is - you have had a narrow escape - you might have bout a house with this man and ended up losing money as well as your illusions about him.
!
Get yourself away and have a good life

[101stNC]

OP I admire you so much. Enjoy your new life