Why do I attract sleazy men? Do all women endure this or is there something about me?

[Thebebodays]

Just before lockdown I got chatting to what seemed like a polite man in a bar and we exchanged numbers. We continued to chat via WhatsApp, very normal things such as what our interests are and what we do for a living etc.

He invited me on a date and I accepted, but then he spoilt it for himself by saying I "look sexy from behind" and when we go for a date he's going to be "looking for excuses to touch me" and making continuous comments about how "sexy" I am.

Date cancelled. Blocked.

Another one that I met online the other night who seemed normal to begin with quickly descended into asking me when I last had sex and whether I've had breast surgery (I haven't - I'm not remotely busty)

Also blocked.

Do all women suffer this crap or is there something about me that screams easy?

I want to date, not be used for sex.

Sadly it does seem to be the minority of men who are good, decent and respectful. They do exist. When I was chatting online, my block list quickly got to about 300. Probably about half a dozen decent male friends.

I'm curious as to what the sleaze bags think when they're rejected on the basis of women not enjoying being spoken to like a sex object.

Does anybody think they take note and conclude "taking about sex early on is a turn off for women, I'm not going to do that anymore"? or do they just think "meh, next" and continue as they are.

You'd think they'd pick up on the distain for perverts and adapt their behaviour accordingly.

Gross.

A lot of women don't seem to mind. Think it's flirting or compliments.

Agree that a paid for site might be better. I also think that the thing with OLD is that you get a lot of people on there so inevitably it's a bit of a numbs game. A man I know started old after his marriage broke down. Originally he just planned to have a bit of fun but amusingly his 3rd date was with a woman he totally clicked with. She was also just OLD for some fun after a long term relationship. They've been together 2 years now and she's pregnant with their first dc!

Well they must have some success doing it or they’d stop surely. Ask ten women for sex nine say no you still get sex 🤷‍♀️
My dad wasn’t killed in the war nor were my grandfathers.
My three sons are good men.
Keep looking I guess.

I think this is one of the reasons I will be single for ever and not plunge into OLD.

I get random people doing this to me. Taxi drivers, folk on the train, some colleagues.

I am as ugly as sin and am what can only be described as a wide load.

Am I seen as that desperate That I would appreciate their comments and language? I think I must puff out sleaze on me dust.

My raised eyebrow is so honed I can itch the back of my knee with it.

It serves me right. I let two super decent men pass me years back. And chose two super holes instead. I don’t trust my own judgement for OLD.

I noticed I got incredibly different responses depending on what my own profile said. What does yours say? I tried to be a bit - but not too - off putting in a way. Did eventually meet someone really lovely and didn’t get too much sleaze.

@AwrightDoreenTakeAFuckinDayOff your post made me laugh esp “ My raised eyebrow is so honed I can itch the back of my knee with it.”

FWIW I don’t believe in relationship karma but you probably think you don’t deserve the gooduns because of decisions you made in the past. Bollocks! With that sense of humour you deserve only the best.

I get exactly the same. I’m recently single (6 months) and I’ve had old school friends hit on me very blatantly. One I decided to see what happens. We met at birth (our mums were in beds next to each other in hospital)
We grew up together and he always said he loved me and wrote me love letters. We went to different secondary schools but kept in touch over the years. Wed always said if we were single at the same time we’d date. Well it happened. We had a really long, open talk about respect and how we’d look after each other, not lie and be completely honest. He’s always been great to me so I never doubted he’d respect me. I was wrong. 2 meet ups and then he ghosted me.

I genuinely feel I will be single forever

I'm sorry MummyGoing, that is incredibly sad. I think it's fair to say you are not the problem.

AwrightDorren your sense of humour is brilliant

My profile is pretty vanilla, there's nothing on there that I think would actively encourage perverts.

I state my name and age, where I'm from, what I'm interested in EG music art and travelling. What I like to do in my spare time such as upcycling and decoupage. The fact I love animals, cycling and cooking.

What I'm looking for EG friendship and dating to begin with - with a view to having a relationship a likeminded man.

Pretty boring stuff really.

My pictures are modest, no cleavage on display.

If I were a man looking for what I thought might be an easy hook up I probably wouldn't approach a profile like mine. I sound a bit boring and not very "party-esque"

I have previously put a disclaimer on the bottom because I was so sick of perverts, it said that crude or rude men need not make contact because I'm not looking for casual hook ups. That may be offputting to some but it didn't deter the most determined of chancers who think if they're good looking enough then it won't apply to them.

AwrightDorren your sense of humour is brilliant

Sorry the last post was supposed to be a grin, not an envy face!

Paid sites are a million times better. I met DH on match affinity.
An hour long questionnaire and £90 later I figured anyone willing to do the same must be serious.
He was my first date from there and last

The trouble is that the men who are rude and crude don;'t think that they are. They think they are just 'up for bantz with likeminded ladieeeez'. You not joining in means that you are uptight, frigid and likely a lesbian.

There are, I understand, plenty of women who will send pictures of their tits and fannies on demand and let men 'cum on yor face' instead of a date.

I've perfected the single raised eyebrow. Which, of course, doesn't work online.

Made me laugh. I can also do single raised eyebrow. Took me years to perfect, in the days before OLD, one of my few tricks.

zaphod (so not envy)

I think I’d like to stick to a walk in the countryside and if I wanted to send them a picture, I think I’d be going unconventional.

A picture of my oven.

If they wanted to spray anything it could be mr muscle.

Love muscles would not be invited to the party. I will leave that to others who want that kind of thing.

I've given up on OLD for just these reasons OP. I would rather stay single for the rest of my life than be treated with such little respect. If I don't meet anyone in real life, which is looking increasingly likely as I'm no longer young or very slim, then I'll settle for being alone. Men my age (53) don't want to date women my age; they want women in their 20s and 30s. As I said in a different thread, my 21 year old gets hit on by men old enough to be her father constantly.
The older I get and the more experience of life I have, I begin to feel totally repulsed by men and what they want. The only one I have any time for is my 27 year old son. I brought him up to be respectful and hopefully, emotionally intelligent in his approach to women. Of course I don't know how he is in his private life, that's not my business, but women seem to like him, and he has a lot of female friends.

@AwrightDoreenTakeAFuckinDayOff you're my hero!

I could have penned your post happyhorse

Apart from the bairns bit.

Like you, I won’t settle. I might condemn myself to being alone that way but I want someone who is gentle and kind and can whittle away my inner core of cow a little.

If that isn’t going to happen, I will have a dog and an oven that could do with a wee bit of attention.

I live alone with my adorable dog. If I ever find myself starting to waver and wonder if it wouldn't be nice to have a man around again, I shall just come back to this thread, alternating with the Lazy Men thread, and reassure myself that I am far far happier alone.

Ugh. Yes unfortunately all women endure it. There are whole threads people have chipped in on about sleazy/ creepy blokes.

It’s so disgusting I have many stories from
Old -chatting about normal everyday stuff and bam out of the blue ‘what’s your favourite sexual position’
One guy started telling me ( on WhatsApp) about him going to ikea with his mother to buy chocolate cake Suddenly he’s talking about other ‘moist things’. Eww
Wanting a picture of me naked ‘for his own personal use’

Why do they think it’s ok? No idea

Oh yeah. I had this. Ended up sleeping with him a few times before I saw right through. FS was I gullible and naive.

Put up boundaries up from day one. It'll take longer to weed out the losers, and find a genuine guy, but it'll be worth it.

I mean honestly, whose dick is big enough to warrant sending a photo?

OP I think I may have spotted the sleaze attractor in your profile. You mention being into decoupage.
The average ignorant sleazebag probably thinks that’s a sexual perversion he hasn’t tried yet...!

Seriously I think with the modern dating scene the moto: nothing ventured, nothing gained seems to apply a lot. Add to that, women with extremely low standards that enable this behaviour and tou get the idea. There are good men out there and by sticking to your standards and having very clear boundaries, you will weed out all the losers. I do believe it's better being alone than settling for something less good.