Friend flirting with my husband

[ckdf1234]

My friend has been going through a tough time in her marriage lately and has told me how she doesn’t feel loved/wanted by her husband anymore. I’v been there for her and comforting her etc and she’s asked is my husband is attentive to me. I told her he was and is very effectionate towards me and we have a good marriage. I now feel like she has started to flirt with my husband because she thinks he’s a good option for her instead of her own husband. She has started texting him asking for his advice about stuff in her home that he is qualified in, she even asked him over to connect something in her house (she lives a few doors down). He actually felt uncomfortable about the text and instead of responding asked me to respond on his behalf.

Then last weekend she asked us over for a BBQ and when we arrived at 8pm at night she was in her bikini 😡 neither myself or husband new where to look. Eventually she got so cold she threw on a hoodie over herself but her arse was still bare 🙈

now to be fair I was a little jealous cause her figure is better than mine and her boobs are bigger but without sounding nasty she hasn’t got the looks. I was actually so angry at her but she made herself look stupid and desperate, even her husband commented could she not go out some clothes on in front of our guests, she just ignored him. She has now asked us over for drinks tomorrow evening and I just know she will be in the same attire. I really like this girl and we have been good friends to each other over the years but I really feel she either fancies my husband now or she wants him to fancy her in order to give her a confidence boost.

advice please, how do I tackle this without much embarrassment on either side? My husband is now afraid to be in her company incase I think he is looking at her or something.

@MayFayner

Yep June 8th is correct thanks.
I think they do the review and let us know on the 5th whether we are moving into phase 2 or not on the 8th!

Could she be wearing a bikini to get attention from OP husband to then make her OWN husband jealous?

I don't think OP should cut her from being a friend yet. It's not a crime to wear a bikini in nice weather in your own garden.

OP - i'd ask your friend the opposite and ask if her wearing a bikini helped get more attention from her own husband? Follow up saying that is why you assumed she dressed like that. Dont act jealous incase thats what she wants.

You could just be putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with 5.

It's normal to ask what goes on in other relationships (is your husband attentive) if you're trying to figure out if your relationship is dead or not. I mean how many threads do we see on that kind of stuff every day on here...people asking is it normal if? do your husbands do this or that?

It would be weird for her to think well my husband isn't attentive, but @ckdf1234 husband is so i'm going to go for him next!

The texts about the electrical stuff could all be innocent.

Really the bikini is the only thing that a lot of women wouldn't do, but then that doesn't necessarily mean anything either, some women just love to get as much sun as possible on their skin while they can and live in bikinis when there's even a hint of sun.

Maybe you have it all wrong!

I don’t understand why it’s weird to wear a bikini in your own garden in the heat we’ve been having recently

If she’s texting your husband about electrical works instead of you I don’t think that’s unusual.

Can you give some examples of how she was flirting with him?

In the nicest possible way do you think you’re being overly jealous given you mention she “hasn’t got the looks”?

Of course it's weird to be wearing a bikini when guests arrive at 8pm. She wasn't getting sun then.

And why are people jumping on op for saying the friend hasn't got the looks? Op is just giving a full picture - she doesn't consider this friend attractive

OP... you can do two things..

ignore this and hope it doesn't develop into an emotional affair... oh and get your husband to speak to her husband about the work that 'apparently' needs done...

either way she's being a dick and it's inappropriate...

oops second thing was...

Say something.. about her behaviour.. you will feel better

so I want this nipped in the bud ASAP before my husband who is a man at the end of the day, gets intrigued by her flirtyness and ends up wanting more 😳

What a load of sexist crap!!!!

A long long time ago a mutual friend was splitting up from her husband and started flirting with mine to make hers jealous. They did get back together as it turned out but I do have experience of this and it does happen. Next time she texts your husband text back from your phone as others have suggested.

You sound jealous and insecure....poor woman has done pretty much nothing - she texted an electrician about electrical issues and she wore a bikini - and you've decided she's trying to steal your man

I’m thinking the same as Amy85, you’ve said friend is flirting with your husband but has she actually been flirting with him? Asking an electrician about electrical issues and wearing a bikini in her garden doesn’t amount to flirting.

Wow I didn’t think I’d get so much replies and differing opinions on this post!! Thank you all for taking the time to reply.

As I have said before this girl is a good friend and reading back my post I can see how some of you think there’s not much proof of flirting with texting an electrician about electrical stuff and wearing a bikini. You are all right but in my defence she has known us years and has only started texting recently since the problems in her own marriage. It’s not in my head that she is definitely acting differently and friendlier towards my husband over the last few weeks. Also wearing a bikini is no problem it’s her garden she can wear what she wants. I was probably just putting myself in the same position and asking friends over at 8 in the evening I would put some clothes on. It also was actually cold when we arrived!

To those of you who are saying it’s my own insecurities that have me thinking this way. This is also a possibility. Maybe I am insecure about myself in ways that I didn’t even realise. This whole scenario is bringing out a jealous side of me that I didn’t know existed. I am not usually a jealous person and I’m usually comfortable in my own skin. My body is not perfect but i’v birthed 3 children and I’m in my 30’s now so don’t feel the need to have a perfect body anymore, I’m happy the way I am.

Anyway we declined the invite for drinks but she persisted a bit with a few texts back and forth even suggesting that my husband should pop over and have a few drinks with her husband because I had text with the excuse I am too tired after working all week. I just responded saying that he didn’t want to and we were just getting a take away and having a few drinks together and having an early night. She text again last night saying herself and husband were in their garden having a few and would we like to join. I have to say I felt awkward having to text back to decline again. We were in our own garden with our kids having a bit of fun so we didn’t want to go. I just replied enjoying some time in the garden with the kids, maybe some other time, she didn’t reply back this time.

I also haven’t told my husband to block her yet either because I don’t know whether that’s best or just let her text like she has done and him just ignore it like he’s been doing and telling me to respond off my phone to whatever questions she has 🤷‍♀️

Also sorry if this posts sounds immature to some. I realise with everything going on in the world it’s a minor problem but it’s just bothering me.

I don't think it's fair to put your husband in uncomfortable situations that he clearly isn't happy with........and I'd say the same if it was one of your husband's mates letching over you. 💁🏻‍♀️

I think you should make yourself busy for the next few weeks and tell your partner to just ignore her texts. She'll get the message soon enough.

She is no friend.

Your friends husband could sort this problem out .

Go with your gut . I had a friend like this and she and he ended up having an affair and ended our marriage . You are doing the right thing - staying away ! It's not immature or a minor problem.

Of course it's bloody weird to be wearing a bikini at 8pm at night when you've got guests round .
Next time I get invited to an evening bbq I'll make sure I rock up in a bikini

It most certainly is NOT immature.

Your gut is telling you something isn't right and you are acting on it.

The definition of maturity.

Just be busy with your children and massively less available.

Up to you if you can be arsed explaining it to her.
The penny might drop and she will back off.

Whatever happens, she is NOT your friend.

I appreciate that I am older, but real friends wouldn't dream of behaving like this in a million years. Ever.

You continue to listen to your gut and give her a wide berth.

Thanks all. I am definitely going to make myself less available from now on. Also the point some people made about her just wanting to make her husband jealous is a valid one and very possible. I am not saying she wants my husband but she has definitely started to flirt with him and look for attention off him. That is not ok, I would never use any of my friends husbands for my own ego boost, there’s plenty of other single men around if she wants to be doing that.

@TheStuffedPenguin I am sorry that happened to you, shame on your ex husband and friend.

Others have rightly said go with your gut. I personally think your dealing with this the right way and her actions would not be ok with me either.

I remembered your thread from back then, @ckdf1234, when a friend recently asked me a similar question /advice to the one you posted. Out of interest, with the benefit of time passage, how do you view things now? Did you end up losing the friendship? Were your fears confirmed? Hope you're well.