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Relationships

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Original poster

Friend flirting with my husband

122 replies

ckdf1234 · 30/05/2020 06:35

My friend has been going through a tough time in her marriage lately and has told me how she doesn’t feel loved/wanted by her husband anymore. I’v been there for her and comforting her etc and she’s asked is my husband is attentive to me. I told her he was and is very effectionate towards me and we have a good marriage. I now feel like she has started to flirt with my husband because she thinks he’s a good option for her instead of her own husband. She has started texting him asking for his advice about stuff in her home that he is qualified in, she even asked him over to connect something in her house (she lives a few doors down). He actually felt uncomfortable about the text and instead of responding asked me to respond on his behalf.

Then last weekend she asked us over for a BBQ and when we arrived at 8pm at night she was in her bikini 😡 neither myself or husband new where to look. Eventually she got so cold she threw on a hoodie over herself but her arse was still bare 🙈

now to be fair I was a little jealous cause her figure is better than mine and her boobs are bigger but without sounding nasty she hasn’t got the looks. I was actually so angry at her but she made herself look stupid and desperate, even her husband commented could she not go out some clothes on in front of our guests, she just ignored him. She has now asked us over for drinks tomorrow evening and I just know she will be in the same attire. I really like this girl and we have been good friends to each other over the years but I really feel she either fancies my husband now or she wants him to fancy her in order to give her a confidence boost.

advice please, how do I tackle this without much embarrassment on either side? My husband is now afraid to be in her company incase I think he is looking at her or something.

OP posts:

Musti · 30/05/2020 18:04

I think she may be trying to get her husband jealous?

sawollya · 30/05/2020 18:07

She sounds nuts. Her marriage may be shit but she has a good friend and she is trying to .......... what? make you lose faith in your husband, cause trouble between you two. It's just really bad behavior and I would distance from her. Tell your husband you value your marriage and don't want her to text him to cause trouble and block her on his phone.

user1481840227 · 30/05/2020 18:33

@ckdf1234

no we are in Ireland and on phase 2 of returning to ‘normal’ life. For us that means we can now meet up with a group of friends outdoors while still maintaining social distancing and that’s what we have been doing since last week only.

We're still only in phase 1 of returning to normal life in Ireland. Phase 2 is June 5th I think - pending review.

We're allowed to meet friends outside but drinks are risky (although I know that there's a tonne of people here breaking restrictions now).
With alcohol involved there's more likely to be close contact or less social distancing...and also people will be going in and out of someones house to use the bathroom etc..which isn't allowed yet!

Ifonlywecouldwishuponastar · 30/05/2020 21:51

I had a friend like this. She would turn up at the weekend with smart clothes and red lipstick. But what she would do is she would say, so what do you think? In front of my dh and look at me then him. She also said once she 'messaged him' because she was 'concerned' about me. These kind of women are not your friend. I did like her as a person and I do miss some aspects of the friendship but I always had a funny feeling she was after my dh.

Viviennemary · 30/05/2020 21:52

She should now be an ex friend.

Gutterton · 30/05/2020 22:16

She was your friend.

Her behaviour has changed. It’s enough to leave you feeling confused and threatened.

You don’t have to understand her motives, or speculate on her next move, or JADE (justify, argue, explain, defend) your feelings, or work out some random 3D chess move to box her in....

You just need to pay attention to your feelings - there is an alarm going off - you have no idea what it means (fire, smoke, burglar, flood - random analogy, bear with me....) - but you feel confused and threatened some how - and that’s enough to take immediate action - so withdraw emotionally and physically (ie leave the building calmly and directly)

Don’t over think it. Something’s off. That’s enough.

Hanab · 30/05/2020 23:19

Not your friend .. if your husband took the bait you would be left heartbroken .. she may have been a good friend but right now she is pushing boundaries .. I would block her or have v little to do with her .. she needs to sort her marriage out instead of doing what she is doing

MayFayner · 31/05/2020 00:32

Phase 2 is June 5th I think

June 8th

Shinjirarenai · 31/05/2020 01:03

Are bikinis even legal in Ireland?

NoMoreDickheads · 31/05/2020 01:23

If you wanted to play it passive aggressive you could say you’re concerned as noticed a change in her lately & you + husband are worried about her mental well-being, as she seems to be a little unhinged.

@vikingwife Lol I like this one.

@ckdf1234 Your DH could, as the others have said, avoid any of these social engagements. He could not answer any txts/msgs (if people just say they've been really busy, then there's nothing someone can say to object, really.) It's good that he seems to be a decent person.

As Vikingwife said, you could say to her that she seems to be acting a bit differently and that you're concerned for her mental health. That might make her realize she's being noticeably out of line and get with the programme. Not being able to dress appropriately for the temperature and time of day unaided could actually help her qualify for disability benefits.

managedmis · 31/05/2020 01:41

She sounds off her fucking rocker.
She was wearing a bikini?

highmarkingsnowbile · 31/05/2020 01:57

She's a frenemy. Socially distance from her. Decline invitations. Your h needs to block her. Let her drift off. She's no friend.

AngelaScandal · 31/05/2020 10:14

I can confirm bikinis are legal in Ireland and in line with any legal requirements

Whaleoilbeefhookedagain · 31/05/2020 10:53

Count yourself lucky she was wearing a bikini. A lady who lives near me sunbathes naked in her garden. Just recently I was up my stepladder which was on a small table on the decking area testing out my new binoculars, as my new hobby is bird watching, when completely by accident I saw a pair of tits I was certainly not expecting to see.

KelpHelper · 31/05/2020 11:22

@Shinjirarenai ?

MyOwnSummer · 31/05/2020 11:32

@Whaleoilbeefhookedagain

...that could have led to quite a misunderstanding

Hopoindown31 · 31/05/2020 11:44

Are bikinis even legal in Ireland?

Only when it is cloudy lol!

Hopoindown31 · 31/05/2020 11:46

She is allowing her situation to infect your friendship and mess with your marriage. I hope your husband has the good sense to realise that, but perhaps just a simple reminder that him "jumping to" to help her is not doing her marriage any good would help.

Bluntness100 · 31/05/2020 11:56

I’m not sure about this

All she’s done is text him about electrical work, and he’s an electrician and wear a bikini?

I grant it’s odd in the evening, but you admit to being jealous of her, and you also admit your husband doesn’t respond simply because he’s worried about your reaction, so he knows you’re feeling jealous.

I’m not sure I agree it’s inappropriate for her to text about electrical work. But plenty of women don’t like any women to contact their husbands, and I’m not sure saying to her you think her bikini is inappropriate because well she can dress as she pleases.

Is there something more than makes you think she’d flirting? It’s hard to tell if this is really about your jealousy or if she’s really after your husband.

CharmerLlama · 31/05/2020 12:07

I'd either decline the drinks invite or I'd go with husband and make a big play of being all over one another - holding hands, little kisses, gazing into each other's eyes, whispering sweet nothings. It should give her the message.

Hurstlandshome · 31/05/2020 12:18

@Bluntness100

I’m not sure about this

All she’s done is text him about electrical work, and he’s an electrician and wear a bikini?

Is there something more than makes you think she’d flirting? It’s hard to tell if this is really about your jealousy or if she’s really after your husband.

I agree with this. Could your own insecurities be playing a bigger part than hers?

Ultimately, if being around someone, makes you unhappy or uncomfortable - don't mix with them. But only lose friends for the right reasons.

Hope you figure it out :)

walkingchuckydoll · 31/05/2020 12:23

I had a "friend" like this. Always wanting to meet up with the both of us, hardly ever with me alone. I'm not the jealous type so didn't see it. She slept with my ex and got pregnant. She was a total bitch when we were separating because she wanted to get her hands on the house and all the finances. She thought he was rich and wanted everything. Thing is, it was mostly in my name . Any woman who flirts with your partner is not a friend. Friends stay respectful.

BadgersAreReal · 31/05/2020 14:35

without sounding nasty she hasn’t got the looks.

FWIW You sound nasty.

You both sound immature, the sort of friends who call eachother ugly behind their back or flirts with their husband. So I'm not sure what you're trying to salvage.

Do you trust your husband?

Isthisnothing · 31/05/2020 15:09

It's not good. I have had a couple of friends like this. I kept the friendships (other aspects were good) but kept them at arm's length from my DP.

Both are attractive and insecure. I reckon they need the validation. Well not at my expense!

I would not tackle it head on actually, you don't know how she will spin it. I would step back and if you do meet her again, I'd meet alone. I would offer zero explanation as to why your husband hasn't answered her messages and if she brings it up laugh and say "why were you messaging my husband?". The subtext is then that it is quite an unusual thing to do.

I'm friends with a couple for over twenty years. Myself and the husband began running at the same time. I suggested he and I go for a run together, he said yes. I asked the wife privately if she minded, she said no problem. I texted him twice and got no response. I got the message and frankly, it's fine and their choice.

One of the flirty friends I mentioned above has been trying to get my DP to come to events with her, train alone relentlessly. She also flirts a lot which i found amusing but then made some pointed remarks to me which sowed doubt in my mind early on before I spoke to him about it.

At the beginning I told her I wouldn't like them meeting up on the own at the weekends as I'd feel left out, we weren't together very long and was there any actual need for them to be training together - they don't know each other and both have countless people nearby at their level that they train with.

She still suggests it to him and even makes sneery remarks "oh would we be allowed?" He has never accepted or expressed any interesr. The fact she won't drop it makes me determined to not be ok with it. Also she has form for being in dubious situations with some other attached men from his club.

The way I see it is it doesn't matter what she thinks is ok, it's between me and DP.

pilates · 31/05/2020 15:20

Are they swingers?

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