Friend flirting with my husband

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My friend has been going through a tough time in her marriage lately and has told me how she doesn’t feel loved/wanted by her husband anymore. I’v been there for her and comforting her etc and she’s asked is my husband is attentive to me. I told her he was and is very effectionate towards me and we have a good marriage. I now feel like she has started to flirt with my husband because she thinks he’s a good option for her instead of her own husband. She has started texting him asking for his advice about stuff in her home that he is qualified in, she even asked him over to connect something in her house (she lives a few doors down). He actually felt uncomfortable about the text and instead of responding asked me to respond on his behalf.

Then last weekend she asked us over for a BBQ and when we arrived at 8pm at night she was in her bikini 😡 neither myself or husband new where to look. Eventually she got so cold she threw on a hoodie over herself but her arse was still bare 🙈

now to be fair I was a little jealous cause her figure is better than mine and her boobs are bigger but without sounding nasty she hasn’t got the looks. I was actually so angry at her but she made herself look stupid and desperate, even her husband commented could she not go out some clothes on in front of our guests, she just ignored him. She has now asked us over for drinks tomorrow evening and I just know she will be in the same attire. I really like this girl and we have been good friends to each other over the years but I really feel she either fancies my husband now or she wants him to fancy her in order to give her a confidence boost.

advice please, how do I tackle this without much embarrassment on either side? My husband is now afraid to be in her company incase I think he is looking at her or something.

Just refuse the drinks invite.

Or just go over yourself and say "sorry, husband has an awful headache from the sun and is going to stay indoors for the evening"

Basically he needs to remove himself as an option. He blocks her. If she notices that her texts aren't going through, chalk it up to him having a shitty/unpredictable phone "oh yeah that happens sometimes, we don't know what's going on, so frustrating, I think he needs a new phone, anyhoo just text me instead and I'll pass it on!"

Hopefully after a couple of weeks of him not being responsive, she'll calm the fuck down.

But it may be a situation where she doesn't, and she literally makes the two of you so uncomfortable that you both have to keep your distance because it's so unenjoyable.

Sounds like she is trying to make her husband jealous to make him realise what he’s got. I don’t think she suddenly ‘fancies’ your husband out of the blue. She’s probably hoping to get the odd look from him in front of her husband as a way of making him think other men find her attractive. Same with the texts - if her husband sees them he may put 2 and 2 together to make 5.
Have a chat to her to find out what her motives are. To me it sounds like she’s just desperate to wake up her husband to make him look at her again.

Yes Irish folk, it is the traditional start of the Leaving Cert. weather set to scorchio.

I think it's hard that you have been friends with this woman for so long and she is behaving like this. It's even worse that you clearly value the friendship more than she does because you're not willing to pull her up on her behaviour and risk the friendship. She's got no such concern for you, has she?

Is this a one-off or do you often prefer not to confront people who piss all over your boundaries?

That’s exactly what it is, @Bosco, and clearly the LC=Hot Weather charm is strong enough to work even when there’s no LC.

OP, if you genuinely like this person and want to maintain a relationship, I would agree with your husband to both treat the night-time bikini thing as a huge joke, and make it clear it’s making her look crazed and goospepimply rather than sexy. Next time, laugh when she answers the door in the bikini and say ‘Not again, X? Are you confusing Mullingar with the Costa Brava?’ And as the evening continues things like ‘Woman, put some clothes on, the goosepimples are putting me off my food.’

She's not your friend. This isn't the 50s, if you are enough of a selfish twat to want an affair there are msny options other than 'husband stealing'.

This needs to be shut down by your husband, and she needs to feel embarrassed by her shitty behaviour. If you challenge it she will gaslight you and probably pretend you're just jealous/insecure.

I think your husband texting "ask your husband" is a good shout. If she's in her bikini again I'd ask your husband to give you lots of PDA to let her know he's not interested.

Or treat it like a joke, and laugh hard.

When she texts your husband for help with something, send the reply from your own phone and not his - "Yes, DH can help, he'll be over tomorrow". That will demonstrate that he's sharing the messages with you.

I also think he should duck out of going over to the next barbecue, but I wouldn't pre-warn her, I'd just turn up without him ("Oh he felt tired") and see how quick she puts more clothes on!

Do you not trust your husband op? It takes two to have an affair.

I agree with @Sugartitss approach.

Let her know you see what she's doing- anyone (well, a lot of people) can have a bit of a mental moment and do random shit if they're stressed, but if you say something she might come to her senses and realise she can't get away with it.

As others say, him skipping the drinks is probably a good idea. As Eggysmom said, he could simply not turn up. That way she'll learn he's not always around as potential replacement husband.

Obviously you know your friend but to me some of this doesn’t sound that bad

She’s text your electrician husband a couple of times about electrics, and wore a bikini on the hottest day of the year. Maybe I’m being a bit naïve but it doesn’t sound too awful.

Ugh. I know someone exactly like this. Maybe it’s the same woman- does your street begin with a B 😂

Can you not talk to your DH about it OP? Not in a bitchy way but just discuss what exactly she thinks she’s at texting him all the time? If she has that many electrical problems maybe she needs to look into getting the house rewired? Your DH is obviously busy but he can recommend Big Jimmy with the BO problem to come and do it. I think you’ll find her electrics are suddenly fine 😂

I reckon she wants a three some

If you didn't want to directly discuss it, you could go over on your own tonight. When she asks where he is say "oh he wanted me to make sure you weren't in a bikini again; you know what fellas are like, they get all awkward and think anyone showing a bit of flesh is after them!"

Talk to your DH and talk to her. Yes to your DH being too tired for drinks. Answer her texts yourself.

OP - your post sounds a bit as an over reaction. Maybe it the effects of lockdown?

You have been married 19 years and trust your husband. He hasn’t given you any reason to doubt him, and is in fact behaving as if he is a little scared of you.

Or as if it’s not the first time you have become jealous without a reason and he wants to prevent it.

Your premise that you need to nip things in the bud - or else your trustworthy H would become curious about her - as he is a man - tells more about you and your insecurities than about him or her.
Your assumption that after finding out from you that you have an attentive husband - and that she decided to steal him for herself also points out to the same.

How long have you been neighbours?
So after all these years - her wearing a bikini and asking questions about electrics is going to lead your H to infidelity? Seriously.....

Why couldn’t he advice her about her electrical issues and connect something in her house - where her H is present, I presume? Why can’t it be kept professional and neighbourly?

Easy for me to judge from afar but I wouldn't be friends with someone like this.

And don’t suggest that your DH will think she’s after him with the bikini-that’s what she wants!

She’s not your friend, if you don’t want to play your hand & come off as jealous (as you feel you will) then just block her, go cold. Stop going over to socialise! Stop responding to her texts. Ghost her as much as possible. What kind of friendship are you really losing if you let her go? I think it sounds sad that you feel the need to keep such a person around because you perceive you need/benefit from their friendship. She is making a mug of you!

I was in the same situation about 10 years ago. My friend(!) lived about 15 mins away. Newly divorced and craving attention. It started off ok but gradually it got worse so you need to knock it on the head now. Didn’t really use mobiles as much then so she would pop round, then ask favours. My DH was helpful at first as he didn’t want to offend but it git to the point where he told her. Was much better then me saying something. He wasn’t unkind. He just said he had his own family and job and was busy. It worked in the way she stopped but she as stopped contact with me which I was happy about but sad at the same time as we were good friends previously. I would get ur DP to politely text he is busy next time and maybe block her number.

You don't think shes trying to entice you into a spot of swinging do you?

I think give her a wide birth for a while. Don’t put your husband in an awkward position and also to give her time to catch herself on.

OP I could have written your text about ten years ago - my 'friend' was single (divorced with a small child) at the time, down on her luck and I felt sorry for her which skewed things a bit. She would come to my house and constantly tell me how luck I was, to have a lovely house, to have a lovely husband, etc. Then she started saying it in front of DH, fawning over him and getting more and more OTT. Fortunately he didn't enjoy the attention and would make a sharp exit whenever she started. But long story short, she's not my friend anymore and I've not seen her for years. There was no dramatic ending, I just realised she was no 'friend and started distancing myself. And she must have realised she wouldn't get what she wanted and gave up too. She's now married btw - to somebody else who was married but dumped his wife for her (info via FB!).

Imagine if your husband had a friend who started heavily hitting on you. How would you want your husband to behave with this friend? Do that for him.

Just text " Bob doesn't want to, so no thanks".