Ex has suddenly removed me from social media, why?

[CanWeGoOutsideYet]

We've known each other since we were practically kids. There was a brief engagement in our early 20s that I called off but we agreed to stay friends which worked well as we have alot of mutual friends between us. One of my closest friends is also one of his. No problems.

I'm settled down with somebody now and have children but we'd catch up on social media when he'd get in touch which he often did.

He has recently got engaged which I thought was wonderful, I sent my congratulations and said I was genuinely pleased for him (and meant it!)

He thanked me, asked how I was, we exchanged pleasantries and that was that. There was no negative interaction whatsoever.

Now I've just realised tonight that he has deleted me from social media as he came up in my suggested friends.

I've no plans to contact him and ask what that's about but I am a bit baffled and disheartened because I thought he saw me as a friend, I did him.

Am I a bad memory? Is it disrespectful to a new partner to keep exes as friends to some people? (DH doesn't think so)

Pisses me off that men are always so weak about it though, if that was my boyfriend making me delete friends I'd tell him to get stuffed.

I think during lockdown people are doing culls on lots of aspects of their lives. It's nothing personal.

Oh I would too, but I really don't think that's the case here. He's not the type of person to "do as he is told" so to speak.

If he has done it because of the fiance I'm sure it's his own decision and done out of respect rather than because he was told to iykwim.

You are over-thinking this, it doesn't matter.
Time to close that door completely.

Yes I do agree!

I thought FB was smarter than this. I've been deleted, and deleted others, and they've never shown again in my suggested friends.

Could it be a mistake that he removed you - seems strange that it happened next day after your friendly convo about his wedding and fiance being excited. If he doesn't contact you very often, he may not have noticed yet that it happened.

Guessing his fiancée doesn’t like him staying in touch with exes. She probably saw your messages and quizzed him, when he told her you used to be an item she probably freaked out and insisted he remove you. Happens all of the time.

We have alot of mutual friends on Facebook so I presume that's why he came up on the suggested friends.

I'm not totally sure when he deleted me, we spoke a few weeks ago (to say congratulations) and he was on my list then. I only realised I'd since been deleted last night.

My moneys on the fiancée not liking him speaking to people he’s bumped uglies with in the past.

Did you say they’ve only been together six months? And they’ve gotten engaged?
Seems kind of rushed? Perhaps she’s the nervous type that wants security and doesn’t trust men because of past relationships and wanted him to ‘prove’ he loves her with a commitment and binning female Facebook friends?

Who knows. I give it a year and he will have split up with her citing psycho hose beast connotations and want to be pals again

Around six months yes, it's fast but he seems very happy and more than ready to settle down so power to them I guess. I wouldn't want to be the reason they argued so if that was the case then I'm ok with being distanced.

What @Elieza says....6 months, way too quick. It will be her not him. Wait it out, he will be back in touch.

They're getting a house together too so I wouldn't bank on it but we'll see

I doubt it's the new fiancee not liking you. If it was, you'd have been removed a long time ago.

Whether you agree or not, you were effectively leading him on after you broke up with him. Going to him for advice and support for ptsd, getting birthday and Christmas cards, and presents too from him and giving to him? Talking to him regularly. You say you never initiated it, that's just not the case between actual friends. Actual friends will both contact each other, not one constantly doing all the work to keep it going. Maybe you're not consciously aware of it, but it's likely you liked him being around all the time and couldn't give that up even though you didn't want him as a romantic partner.

If that wasn't true, you wouldn't have made this thread about it, and be going constantly 'it is what it is, we will cross paths eventually, I'm fine with it'. You're trying to convince yourself you're fine and also trying to convince yourself he will come back.

I don't know if you still have actual romantic feelings for him, I don't think so though. But he's more than just a friend to you.

I did see him as more than "just" a friend yes, I saw him as a very dear one. One I thought I would always be close to and so yes I did always want to have him in my life.

I did put effort back into the friendship so it wasn't just one way, I supported him alot through different life events and was always there if he needed a sounding board or advice.

It wasn't that I had a problem then ran to him, when we spoke and he asked how things were if things weren't so great then I'd say as much and then he would be supportive and vice versa.

It is true that he initiated contact alot more than I did, but that's only because he used to get in touch often I'm more of an introvert and quite frankly shit at keeping in touch online, but I'm a dependable friend.

I am ok with it now, I've made my peace with it and it's not the end of the world.

I forgot to add, no I absolutely was not leading him on in that way.

My messages to him were nothing but platonic. It was a friendship I valued, that's all.

People are going to say if I wasn't bothered I wouldn't keep posting but I will respond to others posts.

I'd say it's related to his new partner not being ok with it.

Happened to me, close mate got married and then wouldn't meet me on my own anymore, then totally stopped being in touch. Only lives in the next street too, upset me as I needed a friend.

I'm sorry that happened lockdown, I completely understand why you felt upset x

I did see him as more than "just" a friend yes, I saw him as a very dear one. One I thought I would always be close to and so yes I did always want to have him in my life.

Just what every new bride wants - an ex who wants to always be in her DH’s life!

Unfortunately whatever you want is (rightly) not as important to him as what his fiancée wants now. And while some people may be ‘cool’ with exes as friends, plenty aren’t. It’s not that hard to understand.

I understand why you're upset, OP. I have an ex who has become a friend over the years - he lives in a different country so I haven't seen him in a few years but we message a few times a year and we even met up when he was over here last, all with the full knowledge of my DH. I'd be sad too if he just cut me out of his life, because there is a shared history and mutual respect, as there is with any old friend. I think it's a sign of maturity if people can accept that their partners had relationships which predate their own, and are secure enough in their relationship to be okay with there still being a level of contact. It is perfectly possible to still have genuine friendly contact with an ex without there being any romantic feelings or anything inappropriate going on.

And while some people may be ‘cool’ with exes as friends, plenty aren’t. It’s not that hard to understand.

Well no it's not, except I don't know that it has anything to do with his fiance not wanting him to have me on social media. It's speculation.

What's with the harsh tone?

Should married men cut off all female friends they've ever had a (long ago) history with even if they've been platonic friends for years afterwards? That seems quite strange and possessive to me.

It is perfectly possible to still have genuine friendly contact with an ex without there being any romantic feelings or anything inappropriate going on.

Absolutely I agree, and that is all it ever was in this case too. My DH knows all about him, they've met and got on just fine

if this was a case of the fiance demanding he remove me then I'd think it was out of line, but he's not the sort to take orders like that so idk.

Anyway it really is fine.

I wasn't saying "why do you care?" to be cruel...OP, I mean this kindly - just let it go. It shouldn't be bothering you this much. He is in the past, keep him there. Keep moving on in your own life and be happy.

I understand where you're coming from, I will be letting it go

Just to say this lock down period is a funny time
Things what we might more easily gloss
Over can bother us more Now
Maybe it’s more thinking time , and greater desire for connection with people that matter to us