Lonely with lockdown easing

[youareanobody]

I'm in Scotland and from tomorrow our lockdown will begin to ease, in a similar way to in England.

Anyone who has been through this, or has the easing of lockdown rules just feeling very lonely?

I had a similar feeling loom over me with each time lockdown was extended but that was because I felt that nobody really cared enough to check in on me (via message or call). I would send messages to friends and sometimes I wouldn't get a reply for days.

Now with the easing of lockdown I just can't help this feeling hanging over me of, "who will want to meet me for a socially distanced walk"?

I am married but our relationship has been awful for the last 6 months. I was so close to leaving in February but stupidly decided to give it another go, then lockdown happened. We don't talk at all.

I also have a 16yo DD (not with DH) and she is ecstatic to meet with her best friend from tomorrow.

I don't know why I'm posting really I'm just feeling very down and alone. I went for a local walk earlier and could feel the excitement from people in their gardens about lockdown being lifted / eased. But it just made me feel awful

I have been on MN for years but decided to NC.

I'm in Scotland as well and can relate. Apart from seeing family members I'm going to continue as before. DH and DD looking forward to seeing people. I'm looking forward to having thr house to myself! Does feel a bit sad though?

Just to add, my DH and I have separated. I have been sleeping in the spare room since before Christmas (moved back in to the main bedroom briefly end of February/start of March but then I realised things wouldn't get better).

I am working full time from home and he has been off work as he is self employed in a trade. If the weather is dry (it's been dry almost every day, with really gorgeous weather) then he is in the garden until sundown. I feel too uncomfortable to go in to the garden while he's there so I just sit up in the spare room. I was sitting in the living room previously but the atmosphere was too uncomfortable when the sun went down and he came back in. So I just sit upstairs all the time.

My DD sits in her room most of the time and there's nothing getting her out.

I was going out for almost daily walks but I lost motivation after a couple of weeks. I fee as though I'm just staring at the 4 walls in my room most of the time. There's 2 other people in this house and I just feel so alone barely anyone has checked on me during lockdown and I just know that the thought of people rejoicing that they can sit in a garden or park with a loved one is going to get me down even further

I am hoping to buy a property for myself and my DD once restrictions are lifted but I can't seem to see that far ahead at the moment.

Thanks for replying indigo

I don't know how I feel about having the house to myself. I barely see my DD as it is. And I know I'll be watching the door for DH coming home if I'm in the living room. I just feel it'll be better staying upstairs out of the way.

The only family I have is my sister and her young family. I just feel I don't want to be a burden to her by asking to visit her in her garden all of the time.

Hi op
I feel the same loneliness re friends.
I'm shit at making friends as I suffer with social anxiety so come across as very awkward and my two friends who I have known for many years don't bother anymore. I constantly try and arrange things but they always cancel. I was meant to meet one today and they cancelled again. it makes me feel so crap about myself. I've promised myself I won't try and arrange anything again

You need to speak with your GP and get some support with your low mood.
You need to go see your sister - you're not a burden. Please stop the negative self-talk.
You do need to start walking again, so bad for your MH sitting in one room day in day out.

OP I think time will really help you. When you have your DD and you in your own place it will be so liberating. Not to have to live in this chronic tension. Stay strong. You'll get there. And when you're more relaxed and open, friendships will come so easily

Sorry to hear that wine

Especially crap if you were looking forward to seeing your friend for the first time since lockdown.

I don't really bother with social media either at the moment as it's been full of people taking photos of their Zoom video calls with friends and family.

I already knew it but lockdown has shown me that I don't really have anyone, and it's shit.

Thanks category.

I know what I need to do but I honestly can't summon up the motivation to do anything.

I'm on antidepressants at the moment and have been on them for several years. I've worked so hard to reduce the dosage over the last 3-4 years and I've been at my current dose for about a year. I experience awful withdrawal symptoms when I reduce the dose, so the last thing I want to happen is have the dose whacked back up again.

I'll try to stop the negative self-talk, however it's difficult.

Scotland here too, and feeling similar.

Single and have a DS14 who hasn't done anything at all with me all lockdown. He's looking forward to seeing a friend tomorrow.

I'm just a bit flat about it. I'll probably see my family over the next few days, but won't be able to cuddle my nieces/nephews or even play with them, really. My family set up isn't quite the norm and I'm feeling a bit weird about it.

Feel like my friends all have other people to see.

Sick of social media posts about it already, but I am glad for those who are excited about it.

Thank you for your message HMS.

I do hope you're right, and that when I'm out of here I'll feel as though I have some freedom. I don't even have a proper bed.My work desk is upstairs too. We have a conservatory but my DH put his foot down from the beginning that it my desk wasn't going there, as he didn't want to have to tip toe last me coming in and out of the garden.

I do hope this is just a blip caused by my living situation. However I do know that my "friends" just aren't there for me.

I know how you feel.
I separated in February and moved into a rented house at the end of February, after years of hostility at home.
I have not seen anyone at all, and have only spoken to my sisters or work colleagues since.
No-one at work has any inkling that anything was amiss so it has only been in a work context.
I didn't have a stick of furniture and furnished the entire house from ebay in the nick of time.
I know that it is the right decision, but the loneliness is terrible at times.
I couldn't imagine being cooped up with my ex, that would have been truly awful

But if you need the dosage whacked up, you need to do it. It'll take you far longer to dig yourself out the deeper you go down. You're going through a really difficult time, not taking appropriate medication to help you through is shooting yourself in the foot. You're in danger of creating a spiral - you don't have the motivation, therefore you don't do self-care, therefore your motivation continues to drop, and down and down.

I know it's hard. But you have your daughter and you have a future to work towards.

Thanks lockeddown.

Yes I am pleased that others are happy, I guess it just highlights the sad life I lead though.

Lockdown has just been awful and it's made difficult situations even worse. I lost my dad in May last year, found him at home, and I couldn't even spend proper time with my sister on his first anniversary. I've stuck to this lockdown so well but I guess I broke the rules that day by standing in her front garden while she stood at her door, so we could have a 10 minute chat.

Whenever I've felt awful about one thing or another I've reached out to my sister, probably a bit too much. So I feel as though I can't burden her with my constant presence now we have a little more freedom.

@youareanobody I'm sorry you are feeling so low, I was quite selfish with my post. You're clearly really going through it right now. Whereas I'm just a bit of a weirdo

I'm sure your sister would never want you to feel like a burden, or see you that way.

Abb you definitely did get out in the nick of time didn't you? I'm slightly envious!

This is just horrendous being here in the same house as my DH.y desk is situated at the bottom of the stairs which lead up to the loft bedroom (his bedroom) and he's forever needing up and down those bloody stairs and squeezing past me. And I need to shut the windows so I don't need to listen to him bounce around the garden hosting Zoom workouts with his friends most days. I just feel so closed in.

Category i promise I do get where you're coming from, but I know it's my situation which is making me feel the way I do and I know once that changes things will be much better in most other aspects of my life. I just can't seem to see through the fog at the moment but I also know that an increase in medication is not the right path for me. It's Venlafaxine I am prescribed, I'm not sure if you have heard of it. The withdrawal symptoms are notorious and they affect me massively. To the point where I physically cannot get out of bed without a huge effort and even then I'm so dizzy and disoriented that I'm walking in to walls. Add to that the weakness in the legs, where my knees give way, pounding headache, vile tempers, brain zaps to name a few. And this is simultaneous for weeks on end. Literally unable to function. So I really really don't want to go back down that route again when I'm on the lowest dose of the tablet.

Lockeddown you have nothing to apologise for and haven't been selfish at all! Everyone is in a different situation and nobody is worse off than anyone else...your situation is yours and mine is mine

I think I'm realising that I've mostly been quite content in lockdown. I've had the odd weepy day due to sad news, but on the whole I've felt less pressure about things.

I'm WFH and it's been easier than work normally is. I can be quite hermit-like at the best of times, and it's been nice not to have to force myself to go out with friends and be "on".

I've enjoyed phonecalls/meetings with colleagues, and zoom nights with friends, meeting people when out a walk. But that's been plenty for me.

I could quite happily live like this for the foreseeable. And I feel that's wrong. I should be climbing the walls to be with people, or so it seems.

Just to address the daily exercise too. (I've probably outed myself already, but if not then this definitely will).

My DD has a diagnosed eating disorder. She has bulimia but she also restricts food and fluids too, diagnosed December 2019.

Every single day of the week I spend ages encouraging her to eat in the first place, encouraging her to eat just a bit more, then monitoring her after meals. She is under the specialist eating disorder team at CAMHS and we are in weekly contact. My DH has completely checked out of the family, so the onus is solely on me. She has been to her dads twice during lockdown.
Up until this week my working hours were 7am-7pm 3 days a week. So on a working day I'm leaving my desk to prepare and cook her meals, then she has to sit at my desk to eat it. Then afterwards I am able to monitor if she goes to the toilet. The evening meal was proving far too difficult so I agreed with my manager I'd work 7am-4pm over 4 days so I have plenty of time to focus of my DD. She has been known to throw up anything up to 3 hours after a meal. So I can easily spend 9+ hours every day encouraging, preparing, cooking and monitoring meals. This leaves little to no time to try get out of the house. And by the time her dinner is finished and I'm satisfied it has digested, I am just completely and utterly done.

I have tried getting her to come out walks with me while her food digests but it's impossible.

Locked that's good you're finding this style of living is suiting you. I do think if I wasn't in the awkward living situation I find myself in then I would feel the same.

I would definitely enjoy being able to relax in my garden without my DH's face tripping him and completely blanking me. Tbh I guess I'm blanking him too. We don't speak to each other at all now.

I suppose at the moment I don't feel like a priority to anyone. Maybe that's just silly feeling like that though?

Pa I'm sorry to hear you've had sad news

i am in a similar position: I'm terribly lonely and there hasn't been any zoom calls for me, either. I haven't even had a phone call or a conversation with anyone except the 'other half'. I've enjoyed lock-down, perversely, as it meant that I could avoid dealing with my loneliness and my lack of social contacts, but now there's a chink of light coming through the curtains and shining down upon 'the isolation issue' again. Rather than keep squirming in my house, as I've been doing for a few years, I've decided to make an effort to do something.

There's a local art-type class I want to join, and while I don't think I'll find any forever friends there, for me, it's a start. A place for me to practise conversation, mainly. Imagine being so lame that you actually have to practice speaking to people? That's me. Just thinking about it, here, is making me feel anxious, but at least anxious is a feeling, which for me, is better than not feeling anything. Is there something like that out there for the other lonely people, too? A choir? A beginners French class? Something to look forward to, a place to start building new connections? Gotta be worse a try, I reckon. Good luck to you all, am sending you good vibes.

Me too! The amount of people I've seen meeting up already and going around to each other's in such a hurry has totally empathised how little of a circle I have.

I can so relate to this!

Oldpaint that's great you're using this as an opportunity to make a change. I can definitely relate to what you've said about fearing that chink of light. I guess in answer to your suggestion (thank you for suggestion) is that one, most of my free time is spent supporting my DD through an eating disorder. And two, I really don't think I can be bothered Before lockdown I made a half hearted attempt to get back to the gym. And I suppose I do have a bucket list but at the moment I feel pressure from it, if that makes sense? Like it's just glaring at me waiting for me to actually DO something.

Lilac and Need
I'm sorry you find yourselves in a similar situation and feeling the same. It's a shitty place to be.

Well today is the day I guess.

And so it begins. DHs uncle has just appeared at the front garden for a socially distant garden chat with him.

With him.

And now he's in his fucking element. Or as he's said to me in the past "I'm just jealous because he's having a laugh with his family".

I need out of this house

Have you got any family around you OP?