Am I being fair on my bf needs advise asap.plz

[Pocketdragon28]

Hi

My boyfriend and I been together 3 years and broke up 3 weeks ago due to his temper issues..
I.knew he had a temper but not to this extent.... it started June 2019 when we moved in together ..he was very stressed as never lived with anyone before and bought alot of pressure upon himself with rent Bill's etc and had a melt down..trashed the place and name calling he felt he wasnt being listened too...I forgave him his parents said he put alot of pressure on himself to give me a perfect home and on himself...
Sept 2019 it happened again...he changed jobs to a job that wasnt very good money wise etc and was getting stressed. He wasnt coping and had a breakdown. Trashed the place again name calling etc.telling me his house his rules etc..I walked out and left him....he was sorry and promised it would never happen again...I went back after 2 weeks. He tried anti depressants for 2 months and took himself off them. As said he was ok...
He did contact NHS about counselling he had a first review but nothing came off it he was told it was a long waiting list ..
March 2020 he had another outburst. I accused him of doing stuff on his phone jokinly .it was a joke he was in a happy mood we was mucking about then suddenly he went mad . Put all my stuff in spare room, emptied my wardrobe and drawes and threw my clothes onto spare room floor and told me he needed space and I had to sleep in there till he was ready...he said he dont like being accused of doing stuff on his phone...I said sorry and explained I was only joking as we do...anyway i slept in there 2 nights then he accepted i was sorry he said he been stressed about work etc etc wasnt coping.
May 2020 some DIY he was doing was going wrong he started getting stressed. I told him he was doing a great job etc and dont worry if we need anything I go to shops to buy it..he then started calling me names and saying he wants to do a good job even though I dont want a nice home etc..anyway after couple of hours he went mad and threw food in the bin I just bought and my dinner I was cooking in the sink saying his house he wants me out . He threw me out.....inwentbto family been there ever since.
I have 3 kids that live with there dad. He never bonded with youngest. My youngest has adhd and can be hard work and lipy and excitable etc but when my boy was rude like kids are he couldn't cope with it and used to tell him off harshly. Saying horrible things to him. ..Even though I asked plenty of times let me deal with it the punishments etc..His parents says becouse he is not used to.kids and never had any so dont know how to react.etc ...my boy is 11...now my boy dont like him and stopped staying over cos of it...he used to wet the bed and my bf couldn't cope with it. He started off ok after a couple of accidents but then after a while he used to say I tell your mate etc your notba baby etc.... In the end my bf said he is only allowed to stay over unless he wears pull ups...trying to explain to a now 12 year old he can only stay at mummy's if wears them...anyway by boy wont stay over now He makes that clear..my other two 18 and 17 get on ok with him as older...
Since he threw me out he been saying he was sorry. Misses me etc etc etc He sàid he was stressed being out of work and being on furlough and trying to.pay the Bill's etc it got to.much and the DIY pushed him.over the edge as it was going wrong. He did say I didnt help going on and on and on about going to the shops and I wasnt listening to.him. made him.mad....
I told him.i been through this 4 times in a year.i cant go through it no more. All the slagging off. Slagging my boy off. He dont do that about the other two just my boy about his attitude...Trashing the house, throwing food everywhere and promises.loads of promises...
I told him he needs counselling anger management and to go bk on tablets or somthing...
Finally he has agreed..finally even though he feels he isnt that bad as long as I am with him.and support him he cant do it alone...he wants me home to support him...But I am.not prepared to.move back yet..
I thought I get my own.place on a 6 month rental. Be with him support him. We get to know each other again start talking ... date nights etc. As we havent had that since Sept 2019...start again...

But should I or had he had his chances
I dont think he like the idea anyway but he may surprise me

Please help

OP it's blatantly obvious he wants you to go back because the bills are due. That's all.

Tell him to jog on as build a relationship up with your kid.

Just seen your updates, yes it's emotional abuse. Cut your "losses" this pattern what you're in at the moment will continue forever, like a loop. He apologises, it's good for few days or maybe even weeks, huge argument, he's thrown you out and repeat.

No one wants a life like that. Dust yourself off and remember you are worth so much more.

Why are you prioritising this man over your children?

Don't put him above your children.

Ffs. Prioritise your young child.

I can’t believe this needs to be said to you. Your poor son.

No! Focus on yourself. Do what everyone is suggesting get into programs get away from the drama and improve your life. You and your family deserve better.

Run. Then keep running some more.

He sounds like a fucking idiot.

You can do better.

What you did wrong op was giving him another chance and what you're going to do wrong is go back. Go back to an abusive pray who has pushed you child away from you so that he won't even stop over.

You need to block and delete his number. Be single if you can't identify an unhealthy relationship. Apologise to your kids. Work on your self esteem.

Be a mother and kick this arsehole to the curb. He insults and upsets your son. To the point he never wants to come over. How do you think your son feels knowing mummy has put this man first and he can't even stay with his own mum because she won't leave the man who mocks him? When the poor little thing wets himself and this man is shaming him. Do you not see what this is doing to your boy? I'm sorry to sound harsh but open your eyes. He is a bully and he is keeping you in your place by constantly kicking you out. You'll be walking on egg shells and learning not to challenge him.

He has promised you all sorts before. What makes you think this time is any different?

Realise he is paying you lip service and telling you what you want to hear to forgive him. Then he ramps up th3 abuse again. You are teaching your boys this is acceptable behaviour of how to treat women. Do yourself a favour and get rid of this waste.

Christ, he'd only have to say that once to my son for him to be fucked off. No way would anyone treat my son like that and get away with it.

STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THIS ABUSER!!!

I remember your other thread Op and you were told then not to go back to this man , you were told to put your children first.

What is it that is making you reluctant to let this abusive man go ? What is it that is making you pick him over your children?

You should definitely do the Freedom Program.

This is abuse. It is not fair to you and especially not fair to your poor son.

He is not worthy of you and you can do so much better than him. As others have said, please do the Freedom Programme and call WomensAid to speak to a professional; they can talk everything through with you

This man is a loser that you need to get rid of. A total loser who adequately deals with anything by lashing out. Short tempered people are not worth having a relationship with. Unless you like being on the back foot all the time, of course.

Unless you decide otherwise, you and your children are going to carry on being at the whim of loser for your lives. Is that what you would like for them and yourself?

Your poor boy, sorry but no, run and don’t look back, he’s terrified of this low life.

What the fuck have I just read.
OP in the kindest way possible - sort yourself out, get some self-respect, run five million miles from this total asshole, never speak to him again and start putting your kids far and away above waste-of-space abusive assholes. Your poor kids.

Yes he is abusing you and it will never stop if you stay with him.
Do the freedom programme.
You and your children deserve better.

I'd seriously consider growing up OP.
So much drama....

Your poor children deserve far, far better...

Have your children lived with their father since you met your current boyfriend?

Or were they already living with their father?

You broke up 3 weeks ago so where's the problem. Just stay broken up from him.

It hurts now but time will heal you. The relationship wasn’t healthy and it’s time you think of your own happiness. He needs help on his own with his anger. Please put yourself and your boy infront of him right now.

Look, I get you were in an abusive relationship so your head is fucked, but dear god it is hard to be compassionate to a woman who puts a man before her child.

WTF are you thinking OP? Even if this man's cock was gold plated, you should put your son first. But this man is simply an abusive unpleasant, bullying arsehole. You imagine that he loves you because he 'wants' you back. But how the hell have you let him do this to your poor son?

You are a mother. You should protect your children like a tigress with her cubs. I frankly don't care about your hurty feelings because the utter shit who abused your son upset you or wants you back or whatever. Hurt for a bit - a lot if necessary - and get over it. You can walk away. Your son cannot and he needs you to do it for him.

he needs your MONEY.. nothing more

He sounds like a complete bastard. Do yourself and your children a massive favour and make a new life for yourself without this arsehole. Presumably is he nice most of the time, but that just isn't good enough. Trashing your home is not acceptable for any reason. Thank your lucky stars that you are no longer with him.