He wanted to have sex "as a woman". WTF??

[Pinkypops2020]

My ex husband came out as a cross dresser at the end of our marriage. One thing I still cannot get out of my head is when he confessed to "wanting to experience sex as a woman". He said he was 100% not gay and did not like the thought of sex with men.
He never spoke about it again and our marriage ended without this conversation ever coming up again. We now don't speak.

Does anyone understand this?

I'm a professional Mistress and erotic masseuse (sex worker) who makes a living with men who have fetishes like this.

Something tells me OP is actually the man. Could be wrong in which I apologize, but the way you are writing, sounds like a confessional rather than a woman as there's no indication on how it made you feel (as a wife).

@TheProdigalKittensReturn that’s not what that poster said. They were just talking about penetration, not specifically vaginal penetration.

Sounds like autogynophilia to me.
Turned on at the thought of themselves as a woman. Like to pretend they are lesbians.
It's a fetish.

That's the first thought that came into my head, too.

A bit of fun and role-play is one thing, but when it strays into this territory it's exploitative. As is stealing your knickers. Cheeky fucker.

They were just talking about penetration, not specifically vaginal penetration.

So anal penetration then? Which I'm told is rather more enjoyable for men than women, what with the prostate. That, and oral penetration, are the only types that both sexes can experience.

I heard that penetration feels better than penetrating

Perhaps it does feel better for some men to take it up the bum rather than give it. This has zero bearing on what's enjoyable for women.

'I'm a professional Mistress and erotic masseuse (sex worker) who makes a living with men who have fetishes like this.

Something tells me OP is actually the man. Could be wrong in which I apologize, but the way you are writing, sounds like a confessional rather than a woman as there's no indication on how it made you feel (as a wife).'
Wow!

I don't know what 'straight cis' means.

It's usually phrased as 'cishet'. And nearly always used as a pejorative, which is quite revealing in itself.

The whole thing with these fetishes, and the abusive side that so often goes with them, is how utterly self-absorbed and self-involved their indulgence truly is. Just reading M&S's lingerie 'reviews' pages made my skin itch (and these are from the kinds of men who are wanting to - and too frequently succeeding in - infiltrating women's changing spaces). The erosion of boundaries and discomfiture of women is what arouses them. But no matter, we are the ones who should make way for and accommodate their wank.

It's repulsive.

L am off to read the 'M&S's lingerie 'reviews' pages '

How could he ever have sex as a woman if he is not a woman?. I don’t understand, even if he was being pegged that does not make him a woman?.

Here's some context. Apologies for the dire newspaper source but this was the first link that came up:

www.thesun.co.uk/news/10350754/marks-spencer-slammed-men-underwear-reviews/

Penetration of the vagina and the anus will not feel the same, so it's silly to male statements that conflate the two. I can't believe it's necessary to explain this.

To OP and others in this situation, sad when a relationship breaks down over secrets and non matched sexualities. I wish you well in your future life.

But heck, we experience our sexuality in many ways. 'Sex as a woman'? No one can say for sure what was meant exactly by that, without checking directly with the individual concerned. I was with a partner who loved lingerie - on both of us. So did I. Not because it was sex as a woman, it was something else. There is much to explore and enjoy.

Like @grey12 I'm quite happy to describe myself as cis female. With other dimensions I could have explored when younger. Genders as well as sexuality are complicated.

I promise that "male statements" wasn't intentional on my part, but it's not wrong, is it?

He may have just wanted you to penetrate him with a strap on dildo. That's not too big of a deal really.

It would be a big deal to me. I would not be happy to do this. Perhaps op wouldn't mind, but it's not what her ex husband actually said anyway. He said he wanted to experience sex as a woman.

And he tried to steal her underwear, that's a violation. It's not much of a leap to assume he secretly wore it too. Good thing he's an ex.

Well, no one makes anyone do all stereotypical 'womans' work. You accept it.

It’s ok ladies. You can tell your husbands that they can get pregnant, give birth and breast feed, you just didn’t think to ask.

"Sex as a woman'? No one can say for sure what was meant exactly by that, without checking directly with the individual concerned"

Okay then - in that case what could he have meant (say two or three examples?) that had nothing to do with female biology, that isn't based on an offensive stereotyped view of female?

Cis female? We are not a subset of our own sex. We are women, we have no need for a prefix.

Genders as well as sexuality are complicated.

I don't think it's that complicated. Gender: refers to the roles, behaviours, activities, attributes and opportunities that a society considers appropriate for males and females. It's a set of stereotypes which can vary across time and location.

What I tend to find is that sexuality is invariably straightforward to those who have a straightfoward sexuality, not so much for others.

Your ex has every right his kink OP, within the boundaries of consensuality and mutual happiness. He tried to articulate a difficult and complex desire within the limits of human language and a lot of people won't be receptive to that.

@suggestionsplease1

"What I tend to find is that sexuality is invariably straightforward to those who have a straightfoward sexuality, not so much for others.What I tend to find is that sexuality is invariably straightforward to those who have a straightfoward sexuality, not so much for others."

Have some for that

Genders as well as sexuality are complicated

what are genders?

"Sex as a woman"? So that'd be after he'd done the childcare, a load of laundry, a smidgeon of ironing, sorted dinner and got the packed lunches ready, all after a full day's work? I don't recognise this as part of being a woman any more than I don't recognise wearing specific lingerie as being a woman.

I also hate the term cross dressing. No one says women wearing trousers is cross dressing so why is a man wearing a skirt cross dressing?! I don't understand why certain clothes are gender specific. They're purely to cover our bodies, nothing more!

You may not, Water, but for many many women it is their lived experience of being a woman.

The only man I ever came across who wanted to 'dress as a woman' had a stereotypical, almost fetishisistic, view of how women dressed. He wanted to wear stockings, suspenders, very low cut tops and very short skirts. I, as a woman, have never worn any of these things, but it was his view of how 'women' dress.

Zaphodsotherhead I've been in that situation before and left choosing to become a single parent rather than stay with someone who's view of women was what I perceive to be misogynistic.

I also said I don't identify with that view of women either with the specific clothing.

So did I, Water. I left with five children rather than live with a man who thought his only job was to go to work and mine was to do EVERYTHING else. If this is such a prevalent belief among men, why are those who want to 'experience being a woman' in whatever form, not so keen to experience this aspect of womanhood? If they firmly believe that women exist only to facilitate them, then how do they square it when they want to 'be' a woman?