He wanted to have sex "as a woman". WTF??

[Pinkypops2020]

My ex husband came out as a cross dresser at the end of our marriage. One thing I still cannot get out of my head is when he confessed to "wanting to experience sex as a woman". He said he was 100% not gay and did not like the thought of sex with men.
He never spoke about it again and our marriage ended without this conversation ever coming up again. We now don't speak.

Does anyone understand this?

For some men this "sex as a woman" fantasy is tied to their desire to be sexually submissive.

@Grey12

I am a woman, straight cis

What does this even mean?

Your ex husband does not sound like a cross dresser, rather an autogynephile. That is a man, who gets off on the imagine that his body is female. There’s quite a rabbit hole to go down if you look on Twitter. By the sound of it, your husband connected with other men with the same fetish.

I know someone, who used to date an autogynephile before this term was understood. He used to like dressing as a woman with his penis hanging out and photograph himself. These days he is perhaps wanting to be known as a she. There are a lot, who have decided to “change gender”.

Pip Bunce, senior director at credit Suisse, who dresses as Philip on some days and Pippa on others, in garish clothes, appeared on the FT list of the top 100 women.

Gawd, what a head fuck.

Thank god he is gone already

Although I'm sure we'd all rather not learn about the distinctions between male fetishes, it sounds like he has a sissification fetish, OP.

It's basically a humiliation kink ramped up to eleven in this pornified age.

You are well off out of it. And don't google it!

I think its a bit unfair pp thinking 'oh but he doesn't want the other parts of being a woman'. Well, no one makes anyone do all stereotypical 'womans' work. You accept it.

To be honest I have wondered what it would be like to have sex as a man as it seems so strange getting pleasure from an outside source if that makes sense! But obviously I know I can't because I don't have the bits. His fetish, or whatever it is, clearly runs deeper. Hope the thread pp have mentioned gives you some answers. Must be so difficult to not have known something like this about someone you were with for so long. I feel sorry for you both

Hmm sometimes men cross dress as they have this inherent believe only women are desired, wanted, craved and found to be attractive so they just want to be on the receiving end of it.

He can't. The only people who can experience sex as women are .... women.

In some situations, you really do have to play the hand that you were dealt.

Well, no one makes anyone do all stereotypical 'womans' work. You accept it.

How enlightening! Pray, tell us more. Instruct us, oh wise one.

twat

@Knan10 - I think you could be correct. He was endlessly looking at himself in the mirror and believe it or not, burst into tears when I gave him a nose clipper as a birthday present !?!?!

Sex was always really odd but as we met at a very young age, I had nothing to compare it to, however it was super slow, very gentle and never any eye contact.

He also admitted that on several occasions (probably more) that once I was asleep, he'd slip into be next to me in a pair of stockings. He took these back off before I woke!

Sounds like a lucky escape.

Not judging his fetish . But that he could be so deceptive and so involved in it . It means anything you thought you knew was a lie and hd was completely dishonest with you.

Honestly, Pinkypops, you had a lucky escape there in getting divorced. He should have told you about his fetish a long time ago, before you agreed to marry him in fact.

I think its a bit unfair pp thinking 'oh but he doesn't want the other parts of being a woman'

his idea of sex as a woman appears to be suspenders and frilly keks not period knockers and grey bras. he wants some heightened and hyper erotic fantasy of womens sexuality- it's reallynot unfair to point out that for 99% of us thats not our daily reality.

*knickers

Yes he’s an autogynephile.

Take a read though of the trans widows threads and a lot of it will sound familiar I’m sure.

Do come over there if you want to discuss it further x

@Helmetbymidnight ok I get that point lol...was referring to the housework.

He may have just wanted you to penetrate him with a strap on dildo. That's not too big of a deal really.

That's not too big of a deal really.

It is if she doesn't want to.

Which heterosexual women tend not to.

No one makes us do all the housework and childcare?! What do you think happens when women go on domestic strike, that their husbands just suddenly leap up and do it themselves? I've seen threads on here about women leaving cups on the side to see how long it'd take their husbands to wash them up, and them staying there for months covered in mould. Shockingly, most of us aren't actually willing to let our kids starve or live in squalor to make a political point, and if women divorce these men they almost always end up main carer (ie still doing it all themselves). What a fucking stupid thing to say.

The trans widows thread is on the feminism board btw OP.

He may have just wanted you to penetrate him with a strap on dildo. That's not too big of a deal really.

Strangely enough as a hetero woman I'd rather have a hetero, non cross dressing man who doesnt want me to fuck him up the arse with a dildo.

Besides he's a cross dresser too and op now knows he was doing it without her knowledge and agreement in bed with her. Sneaky and creepy and dishonest.

And many women are turned off by cross dressing too, I know I am.

Pegging, a lot of men want to try it and do enjoy it no it doesn’t make them gay or misogynistic, just not falling into the typical mainly stereotype.

If a man wants to try that yall have a fit, if he’s dominate in bed the same, I generally don’t understand what you want from men. Just try what you’re comfortable with and be open with partners.

Once , I had an exceptionally vivid dream in which I (a woman born , grown , straight ) went to a party with my now ex-husband . Turns out I had a fully functional penis as well as all my lady parts and I was lucky enough to strike up a brief , physical , penetrative relationship with a lovely young lady who had brown , curly hair and a red plaid shirt .
Fuck me , there were lots of delightful sensations experienced by my newly acquired dream-organ but it's never going to happen again .
I don't know why I'm telling you all this but mumsnet is full of random stuff so maybe I just thought I'd join in .
'sex as a carpet' though !

I do think nose hair clippers, if not requested, is a crap birthday present. I can’t imagine my husband crying about it but he wouldn’t be impressed, any more than I would be if he bought me some similar unwanted grooming device.

As for the rest, definitely you’ve had a lucky escape. The idea of him slipping into bed with stockings on while you slept is boak

No one makes us do all the housework and childcare?! What do you think happens when women go on domestic strike, that their husbands just suddenly leap up and do it themselves?

Exactly. When your husband has packed up and left you with all the kids, who else is there?

Not a lot of men running off and taking the children with them, and taking on all the responsibilities those entail.