He wanted to have sex "as a woman". WTF??

[Pinkypops2020]

My ex husband came out as a cross dresser at the end of our marriage. One thing I still cannot get out of my head is when he confessed to "wanting to experience sex as a woman". He said he was 100% not gay and did not like the thought of sex with men.
He never spoke about it again and our marriage ended without this conversation ever coming up again. We now don't speak.

Does anyone understand this?

I would be very surprised if he doesn’t have a porn habit; trans porn and sissification. The hashtag #Girlslikeus on Twitter is not for the faint hearted.

Well, no one makes anyone do all stereotypical 'womans' work. You accept it.

But you are made to accept menstruation, sexual harassment, lower pay, using contraception with any side effects it may have if you're sexually active, which most people are, termination if contraception fails and you don't want to continue the pregnancy, pregnancy and childbirth and resulting effects on your body if you have children, more likelihood of ohydhcal.sbusd and if not being able to defend yourself against physical abuse, different parenting expectations etc etc, all of which these men know nothing about and do not consider in their idealised, fetishized, shallow as fk, sexual objectification of being a woman.

No need to say cis around here @grey12**or at all because it's a made up fucking thing. If you want to differentiate between a woman and a trans woman's just say woman. Why do women have to add a prefix on to pacify a man who wants to immigrate a woman?

Fucking stupid.

He also seems to be almost enjoying (?) telling you about all this.

He's really caught up in his naval gazing, self absorbed, exciting himself or whatever it is thing, isn't he?

I don't know what 'straight cis' means. Please no one explain, I am not interested. It is ridiculous language.

He also seems to be almost enjoying (?) telling you about all this.

That appears to be a notable characteristic of men with that particular fetish.

I once got talking to a trans man down the pub, I was intrigued about his mindset so asked him a lot about it. Later on in another pub he appeared to be flirting - my first thought was "what on earth makes you think you'd be attractive to me, dressed as a woman? " How he thought his bright lipstick and OTT thickly applied make-up would be a turn on I don't know. Didn't stop him pinching my bum while I was getting a drink at the bar - ironically a male behaviour, so he couldn't help breaking character there. I didn't speak to him rest of night and gave him a wide birth

I sort of dissent from most in this thread. I have often thought about how much I'd love to have sex as a bloke, with a penis. I think it'd be an awesome experience. Like Mr Benn but for sex 😂. I'm not trans, or closeted. I'm a heterosexual woman.

Pegging is quite a common sexual practice nowadays. Isnt that the same thing, essentially??

Pegging is quite a common sexual practice nowadays.

Is it?

Most hetero men I know (and some homosexual men) don't want anything within a mile of penetrating their ass.

Some have expressed their horror at women inserting fingers up there out of the blue - clearly thinking it would turn them on; which it didn't.

Again, it doesn't matter whether other people like any given sexual act if the person it's being suggested to doesn't want to do it. She isn't obliged to give it a go just because other people would.

(Not that I think pegging is anywhere near as common as some would like to think, but still, doesn't matter which act we're talking about, the same point applies.)

As a gay woman if I'm using a strap on I can certainly get into the head space that my orgasm is experienced through that/ located there..it's hard to explain and a bit of leap of imagination I guess. So I can kind of see what he is getting at.

It's not that I am trying to experience sex as the opposite sex however it's just that the focus of the sensation appears to be located there - a bit like a phantom limb It adds to the overall sexual experience.

However, qualitatively and sensation-wise the orgasms are not really that different from what I would experience through more receptive sex from a partner using hands, mouth whilst not using a strap on.

Always so much understanding and tolerance and minimalisation of men's sexual proclivities; would the reverse get the same?

Say op's dh is a hetero guy who got married to someone he thought was a hetero woman who did not have any cross dressing tendencies or pervasive fantasies of having sex as a man) and she omitted to say anything to the contrary (whether she knew differently from.the beginning or discovered it during the marriage).

She's now left her DH, told him she Criss dresses as a man, fantasises about having sex as a man, has slipped out of their bed and put on padded out boxers and got back into bed without his knowledge, that her fantasy would be that they'd both dress as men in matching fireman/builder/army outfits and then have sex etc.

Would posters be saying to her dh "oh, she probably just wanted to peg you, I'd that really such a big deal ... You could have just put in a prosthetic to cover your dick & balls (equivalent to strap on I suppose) and let her peg you" etc.

I dint fig think so.

It's always mens proclivities and fetishes and fantasies that supposedly have to be tolerated and indulged, regardless of their female partners preferences.

*I don't fucking think so.

The responses would be that she should clearly move on to someone who suited her better, and he should meet another woman when he feels ready.

He may have just wanted you to penetrate him with a strap on dildo. That's not too big of a deal really

Strangely enough as a hetero woman I'd rather have a hetero, non cross dressing man who doesnt want me to fuck him up the arse with a dildo

😂😂 this is the best thing I’ve read today (and I wholeheartedly agree!)

I think sometimes when people are splitting up there can be a bit of a 'splurge' of revelations, especially if that person has been a bit repressed themselves and not communicated effectively during the relationship.

It's kind of like laying all the cards on the table, and clarifying for once and for all why it couldn't work - and sometimes it is also a bit of a last chance gasp to see if all the things that had previously been held back out of fear could somehow actually be accommodated within the relationship afterall.

So I wouldn't read too much into it OP, that he did this - he maybe thought it might give some closure and help you both see that there was no come back from this.

Sexuality is weird and it's not really something that can be readily reasoned with, other than the obvious of ensuring full consent and happiness of all parties. He has the uphill battle of finding others out there who get their rocks off to his particular sexuality. But there will be some out there, and it will be an enjoyable experience for them both rather than a half hearted, repressed sexuality.

I always wonder if the people who describe sex with men as being a sort of exercise in enduring things you find unpleasant realize how effectively that kills the libido. They appear to be unaware of the fact that sex we actively enjoy is an option.

How he thought his bright lipstick and OTT thickly applied make-up would be a turn on I don't know.

Probably because some men believe all women to be lesbians - just like they believe we all teeter around in heels, talking in high pitched voices, wearing stockings.

In his head he was s convincing woman, I imagine.

no one makes anyone do all stereotypical 'womans' work. You accept it

You think do you? So what's controlling and coercive behaviour all about then? It's overwhelmingly men making women do all the stereotypical 'women's work' which the women end up accepting through fear, not choice.

He's really caught up in his naval gazing, self absorbed, exciting himself or whatever it is thing, isn't he?

I agree, @GilbertMarkham, he sounds self-obsessed and sex-obsessed.

Didn't he have any other interests? Sounds so boring to me!

@suggestionsplease1 good insights and I agree about the “splurge” of info that comes at the end of lots of relationships. A lot of times it’s not out of malice but more so people just getting things off their chance and may be a last ditch effort to save the relationship because they’re comfortable with you and still want to be with you. Finding and loving a new person is hard and scary, especially if you have been with your current person for a long time.

Nothing wrong with pegging your husband/partner! It's the him thinking that taking it up the bum is 'sex as a woman' and dressing in the hyper sexual women-face that would be the libido killer for me.

I reckon this is more common than you think, not necessarily penetration but definitely foreplay in the area.

I heard that penetration feels better than penetrating. So women generally have heightened sex than men, I guess it’s something versatile gay men can attest to as they can experience both.

...No, gay men cannot possibly attest to what being penetrated vaginally would feel like owing to the fact that they don't have vaginas.