Guy wants to be chased

[PeachPie30]

Have you ever met a masculine guy who wants to be chased? I have a male friend who I have great chemistry with but I’m getting the vibe from him that he wants me to chase him. When I do he’s really receptive and otherwise is a bit cool. Is this ever a thing?

[overnightangel]

He has incredible communication skills.

If that was the case you wouldn’t be on here

[Ragwort]

He’s probably saying that to lots of women ... acting ‘faux’ shocked when he’s got lots of people chasing him because he is so cool and charismatic.

Stop over thinking it, leave it and see how long until he contacts you and then act breezy ‘sorry, can’t chat now, got on a online quiz arranged’ or whatever excuse you can think of. He’s clearly enjoying the attention.

[opticaldelusion]

Ugh. He sounds avoidant. You're in for a world of misery. He'll never show he cares and will continually push you away. If you express any sort of dissatisfaction with this misery it will be all your fault for being clingy and demanding. If you back off it might bring him round a bit because he'll miss the attention, then you'll be back to square one endlessly trying to work out what he thinks whilst becoming more and more confused and anxious.

[PeachPie30]

Perhaps that should have said he has incredible communication skills with others!

[gamerchick]

Sounds like lots of hard work.

How about a frank conversation, cut the crap and see where you're both at instead OP? This agonising over every little detail will mess your head up eventually.

Tell him outright. No chasing, if he returns it then jolly good. If he fannies on then yes he's not that into you.

[PeachPie30]

I agree that he’s avoidant. He does push me away but it’s weird. It’s like he pushes me away but he doesn’t really want to push me away. He wants me really. When I pay him a compliment or push the relationship along by revealing a feeling or two he responds really positively and seems to really like it.

[Menora]

Is there any point in anyone having an opinion on this you have already made up your mind about him anyway

Crack on

[minmooch]

Oh gawd such hard work!

Are you both beyond teenage years? You seem to have playing this game with him for a while. It doesn't sound like you are in an actual relationship with him so if that is the case ask him out on a date.

If you are in a relationship then I'm afraid it's time to piss or get off the pot - it shouldn't be this hard.

[PeachPie30]

I’m really interested in people’s opinions but I’m not going to walk away. So if there are options that involve not walking away then I’m very keen to hear them!

[NeonK]

Do you think that between these text/call interludes, he's sitting there thinking about when you're next going to text? I'd bet No. He's probably barely giving you a second thought and has the same cycle going on with other women.

Stop all the angst and the psychoanalysing him (it's just making excised for him treating you badly)) and ask him if he's interested in a relationship with you.

[opticaldelusion]

Have really good boundaries. Take lots of time out. Make sure you have a full and interesting life. Try to remember it's not about you when he's being avoidant. Leave him to it if he needs space - don't chase. Consider counselling to examine your own attachment style and expectations of a relationship.

IME, this will make you miserable. But I wish you luck.

[TomNook]

It’s like he pushes me away but he doesn’t really want to push me away. He wants me really.

No. He. Doesn’t.

[Menora]

This will make you miserable and I give it 3 months or so before you think about this thread and realise we were all right

You seem to be attracted to this mysterious complicated man. He’s not a brooding complicated person, they are probably deep ingrained flaws. You are excited by his mystery and opening up to him slowly while he kind of creepily stores up all the information and never revealing anything about himself. He’s also making it really clear by showing you his flaws like this that they are something he is not going to change about himself.

[opticaldelusion]

Oh, and you can't fix him by loving him so much that suddenly he's healed. He's either an arsehole or he's fucked up. You're not his therapist and you can't change his behaviour.

[Ragwort]

How old are you? You honestly sound like a love sick teenager & you are just as bad as him as you are clearly enjoying being the ‘chaser’.

You really need to look at your own neediness and get some self esteem.

[opticaldelusion]

Narcissists can behave like this. And you really don't want to get sucked in by one of those. Just saying.

[opticaldelusion]

Saying the OP is 'just as bad' is unfair. We all have attachment styles based on formative experiences and they're difficult to change. Anxious people are often drawn to avoidant people as it reinforces expectations. That doesn't mean they're 'bad' - we behave in the way we do for all sorts of complicated reasons.

Telling people they should just behave differently and criticising them is unhelpful and futile.

[sonjadog]

I think he likes you. That is why he was surprised when you said he wasn't bothered, because he is bothered, but only in a friendly way. He enjoys talking to you as a friend. Everyone enjoys being told how great they are and feeling wanted, that is why he is reacting so positively to your approaches. But he doesn't fancy you. I say that because if he fancied you, he wouldn't wait weeks to get in touch. If he fancied you, while he might have been a bit shy at first, when it became clear that you liked him, he would have been eager to reciprocate.

I know you want him to fancy you and that you really want to interpret all these things to be signs that he has hidden feelings, but they aren't. When this man meets someone whom he really likes, you will be astonished at how fast he moves, and you will realize that you have been kidding yourself here. I suggest you try to move on before that happens as it will be very hurtful.

[jay55]

Why bother with someone who is this much of a headfuck this early on?
Are you enjoying the chase? Are you liking the drama of the hot and cold?

[Aussiebean]

I wouldn’t bother with him.

He is playing games. You express a problem and he denies it and it continues.

Relationships should not be so hard.

You should not be coming to a relationship thread to help you understand him.

Go find a guy that you don’t have to ask MN about.

[KillSwitch]

I fell in love with a guy who sounds similar to this (I know, I know - more fool me). However, we both recognise that it doesn't make for a healthy relationship and we're taking time apart whilst he has counselling/CBT and once he's in a better place we'll see where we're both at. He might well be as into you as you think but believe me when I say it will just make for an anxiety-riddled relationship that'll be amazing on good days and leave you feeling like absolute shit on his "avoidant" days.

[ChewChewIsMySpiritAnimal]

God he sounds like a game playing prick.

[NoMoreDickheads]

PP's are probably right.

I just don't get a good vibe off this OP. xxx

[Ilovebanoffeepie]

The only man you should ever chase is the ice cream man. Fact.

[AngelGrinder]

You clearly have a lot of warmth and empathy, are very loving and loyal - give it to someone who is going to grab all you offer with both hands and stand by your side and actually act when times are great and not so great...not a grown man who's behaving like some wary rescue you need to coax and tame to accept your touch.

This r/ship is never going to feed your soul - you'll always be left wanting. He is never going to meet your needs. Being content in a relationship because you feel emotionally met and safe is a wonderful thing - rather than yearning for what they can't or will not give you.