Guy wants to be chased

[PeachPie30]

Have you ever met a masculine guy who wants to be chased? I have a male friend who I have great chemistry with but I’m getting the vibe from him that he wants me to chase him. When I do he’s really receptive and otherwise is a bit cool. Is this ever a thing?

[cheeseaddict420]

Sorry op this thread made me laugh. Mind games from a 41 year old man baby. If you want him, just go chase him and be together since you have it all figured out. What's stopping you?

[Grobagsforever]

Wow he sounds like hard work and very childish. Game playing etc, how embarrassing for him.

You can do better OP

[ChristmasFluff]

The way a relationship begins set the tone for the entire rest of the relationship.

You want to spend the next 5years/10 years/rest of your life chasing him? Crack on

[highmarkingsnowmobile]

This is all so immature and ridiculous. I've not idea why you want to waste time chasing after someone who's not into you and has the EQ of a gerbil. My teenager wouldn't even put up with this. How silly and sophomoric.

[Ullupullu]

What are you getting out of this OP? If you are enjoying the drama of the chase carry on

[Mintypylonsfryingsurplus]

Oh dear you are determined to keep this drama running.
You see him as high value because he is at best ambivelant about you, so you are feeling rejected and heading it to chaser mode, to convince/ seduce whatever tactics it takes to run this.
Suggestions to step back are not within your plan, because if you are really honest, it will fizzle out again and you will feel discarded.
Men who really are into a woman would be horrified that another man could come along and have her, so would not risk leaving it hanging for you to lose interest and get with someone else.
He would lock it down or given shyness/ (insert excuse of choice here) still make it clear with actions, frequent testing the waters with texts to see if you are indeed single.
I know thats not what you want to hear, but even if you did get with your 'prize' how would you feel driving this thing all the time?
You making arrangements, plans, suggestions to move forward? You would be hurt.
Dont you want someone who is desperate to talk/ see you? Make plans when lockdown over? Be single minded in this so you do nit doubt his attraction?
Too much hard work...he is flattered but he has friendzoned you, but he clearly does not see you as GF material, its all a bit unrequited?
Put your fabulous passion into a guy that deserves you.

[opticaldelusion]

men are not complicated

What a reductive and sexist thing to say.

[bitofafunnyquestion]

He’s had 3 long term partners and is 41. He’s never had that head over heels thing.

So he has made 3 relationships happen before now. He isn't making a relationship happen with you.

Sorry, but you can either keep making excuses and waiting for something to happen or cut your losses, move on and find somebody who is actually keen on you and wants to talk to/ see you rather than 'definitely would, but he is too sensitive, phlegmatic, whatever, there has to be a reason other than he just isn't that bothered'.

He hasn't even explained himself.

I see you're not going to drop this but as a compromise, why don't you give it a time limit at least? I.e. I will chase him/ wait around/ hopefully overinterpret every crumb for another 4 weeks then enough is enough.

[TheStoic]

I don’t think he’s consciously ‘playing games’.

I think he’s avoidant, and this is just the way he’s wired.

Unfortunately, this is much worse than conscious game-playing.

Do you want to sign up for a lifetime of this?

[Scott72]

@sonjadog Many, if not most, people go through their whole lives without feeling "head over heels" love. If by 41 he's never felt it, he's unlikely to ever feel it.

[sonjadog]

Btw, not to rub it in or anything, but if he has had three long term relationships, he is obviously capable of getting together with someone and maintaining it when he wants to.

[Honeyroar]

You’re making plenty of excuses for him. I agree with Sonjadog, if someone likes you they do their best to impress you.

You’re saying he hasn’t felt passionately about anyone yet, but don’t you see that he still doesn’t- not even about you..

So, it’s your call. You chase and get mediocre if you don’t want to walk away. You’re unlikely to get much more.

[sonjadog]

41 isn't past the age of romance. People aged 41 and older can fall deeply in love.

However, you aren't interested in hearing anything but that he is interested in you, so I wish you the best of luck with it. If I were you, now that you have told him you need him to do more of the contact, I would leave it and see if he actually does that. If he doesn't, I think you should reconsider how great and interested in you he actually is.

[AtaMarie]

He’s 41 and acting like this? Fuck me. I thought he was going to be one of those brooding types I lusted after at uni.

Then I grew up and enjoyed relationships with emotionally intelligent adults.

[Crystal87]

He could be like this for any number of reasons. He might like you but have low self confidence or have not much experience of chatting up women and taking it to the next level. It makes me think he doesn't like you enough to bother to make the first move though. If he really wanted you, you wouldn't be on here questioning him.
Or it could be he doesn't like you in that way but with you always contacting him first he's using you for someone to talk to when he's bored, but he's not really that bothered getting in touch himself. Either aren't great. I personally when single, liked to be pursued by a man. It might be outdated but then you know they really do like you and you were worth the effort.

[user1481840227]

Relationships shouldn't be like this. You clearly don't communicate well together. He doesn't have good relationship skills. He's not capable of opening up. This isn't a great complicated love story with a great complicated man.

Your conclusion is that he simply just seems to like you to chase him. No one else really thinks that but if that's what you think then what are your intentions here? Are you just going to keep chasing him all the time until he's head over heels for you?

[DeeCeeCherry]

Why don't you leave it alone OP, he's not that into you just isn't saying so, and you're looking for 1000 excuses to justify why 2 grown adults can't just get with each other and that's it. He's not bothered about not being around you, men who truly want you wouldn't leave it that way. & You're also making him sound like a total wimp who's afraid of life. Perhaps that narrative suits you but I don't think you're right. I suspect he'll get with someone else eventually and then at that point you'll understand what pp's have already explained to you.

Getting with someone is only this hard in unrealistic Mills & Boon style romance books when it's a whole cat & mouse game or the book would be over in 1 chapter

[PeachPie30]

you will at some point be witness to him really falling for somebody, and him breaking down walls to be around that person
At 41? He’s not felt that way about anyone yet.

[PeachPie30]

He’s not a demonstrative person. He’s had 3 long term partners and is 41. He’s never had that head over heels thing.

I believe that we get on better than anyone he’s been with before but I still feel like he wants me to chase him.

[PeachPie30]

Regarding the wedding invite scenario, I think he was so hurt, rejected and cut to the core that he just couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He thought all kinds of possible reasons why and just wasn’t sure but he had too much pride to ask.

To be fair, I kind of get that. I think I would feel similar.

[JovialNickname]

I don't mean to be horrible, but if you carry on with this you will at some point be witness to him really falling for somebody, and him breaking down walls to be around that person (because that's what men do when they're in love, even the "shy" ones). Will you be ok with that?

[NoMoreDickheads]

Re the wedding thing that could be about him being so upset at the lack of invite that he was embarrassed and deeply hurt or it could be that he didn’t really care but makes out that he was gutted that he wasn’t invited to manipulate peoples sympathy.
He was heartbroken. It’s certainly not a way to get sympathy.

You have no way of knowing that though. One bloke I was with, he would literally fake crying occasionally to me or family members etc. to get the response he wanted. It was only at the end that I realized that's what he was doing.

I'm not saying your bloke is like that though, maybe he's just socially awkward/nervous or something.

Either way, you could find someone less hard work and as demonstrative and keen as you.

[sonjadog]

Of course men are complexed beings. But when you fancy someone, you want to be with them, they are on your mind, right? When you fancy someone, you don't leave it several weeks to get in touch with them when you haven't heard from them, and when they say they want more equal contact, you step up your game pretty fast to do what they want. People who fancy people want to be around them. If someone isn't keen to be around you, then they don't fancy you.

[PeachPie30]

But then does he stop after 'how on earth could you think that'
Yes. He doesn’t then go on to explain how he really feels. Ir doesn’t feel.

[PeachPie30]

You might be right.