Guy wants to be chased

[PeachPie30]

Have you ever met a masculine guy who wants to be chased? I have a male friend who I have great chemistry with but I’m getting the vibe from him that he wants me to chase him. When I do he’s really receptive and otherwise is a bit cool. Is this ever a thing?

[AvalancheKit]

Does it really matter? Because your other thread started within 10 minutes of this one suggests you have your eye on another bloke with whom you have great sexual chemistry. The bloke with dogs, whatever that means.

[BadgersAreReal]

What does him being "masculine" mean? He can be shy and also have muscles or whatever. Sounds like you're on of the "real men should do x,y,z" crowd. Yawn.

[TomNook]

He’s just not that into you.

[Northernsoullover]

This is going to end in tears. Yours. Relationships should be simple and this isn't. Its just a dance and you are dancing to his tune.

[WinterAndRoughWeather]

Agree with others, he’s not that into you. He fancies you and enjoys the attention, but he doesn’t really want to be in a proper relationship with you.

Trust me, I’ve been there (on both sides of the equation, shamefully. It’s flattering and I was young and stupid!).

[WhatInFreshHell]

I couldn't be arsed with that! You're not 13 years old!

[PirateWeasel]

Time to call him out on this. "Listen, I didn't agree to this text-and-call system. I'd love it if you'd spontaneously call me from time to time, as I'm starting to feel like I'm the one doing all the running. I don't want to be in a relationship that isn't 50-50."

[AtaMarie]

There’s too many games going on for this relationship to work.

When I met DH there was zero angst about who had messaged whom - it was all so easy. That’s how I knew it was right.

[WinterAndRoughWeather]

Time to call him out on this

Time to shut it down. It’s going nowhere. Best case scenario - friends that flirt / FWB. You’ll get nothing more out of him.

[Menora]

This would be pointless it would never get any better and the communication would never improve

[PeachPie30]

We actually have great communication. Well in the sense that he gets me to open up more than I ever have done. He’s guarded about himself though.

[PeachPie30]

There’s no games.

[Ullupullu]

It sounds like a lot of drama - does anyone need this much mind games and second guessing? I'd doesn't sound like you're in a equal dynamic. Cut and run

[Menora]

What? You have literally just stated you have great ‘one way’ communication
That’s not good communication

[Vellum]

What @HeddaGarbled said. Would you honestly pursue a relationship with a man whose interpersonal skills are so poor that he’s incapable of asking his best friend about an obviously missing wedding invitation, and who instead preferred to miss the wedding rather than lose face by asking a question?

That is the action of someone who needs a lot of therapy.

[BilboBercow]

Of course there are games. He has you telling him everything about yourself and tells you very little and you think you have "Incredible communication".
He ignored one of your messages, didn't speak to you for weeks then contacted you all hurt because you weren't chasing him enough.

[Wbeezer]

@PeachPie30 with ref to my earlier post, my instinct is he fears rejection, if hes otherwise a good fit, personally I'd give it more time.

[Wbeezer]

But have a serious talk about how hes making you feel..

[PeachPie30]

My instinct is that he fears rejection too.

[PeachPie30]

I think that, regarding the ‘wedding’, he presumed that he must have done something wrong that he was unaware of and he just couldn’t bring himself to ask. I think he must have excessive pride.

[TomNook]

You are so overthinking this if he wanted to speak to you he would speak to you. He is a grown adult, stop making excuses

[PeachPie30]

I’ve told him how I feel and he just acts so shocked when I say I feel like he’s not that bothered and he’s like how on earth could you think that????!!!

[opticaldelusion]

He's might not be that into you or he has an avoidant attachment style because of mental health issues, e.g. he's pathologically scared of rejection. Either way, it's looking pretty miserable for you.

[PeachPie30]

AvalancheKit - same man.

[PeachPie30]

He has been brutally rejected before but he claims to be totally unbothered by it.