Only just married but husband has no interest

[sunflowery]

Just looking for some advice really.

Got married to DH last year. I’m now 27 and he’s 30. I’m struggling with the fact that he doesn’t seem to really be that interested in me, physically or mentally anymore.

We used to have lots of really in depth conversations about anything and everything, and he used to make it clear how much he was attracted to me.

But recently something just feels amiss. When we aren’t working (both WFH atm) he just wants to watch TV. I try to start conversations and I barely get any response. We just had dinner and watched some TV together and I cheerily asked him if he wanted to come and have a drink the garden with me and he just said ‘no thanks’ and took the remote. I’ve lost a fair bit of weight recently and I (feel really embarrassed about it now) sent him an underwear pic when he was downstairs the other day asking him to come up to bed and he just replied ‘lol won’t be long’. These kind of small rejections happen regularly and are starting to add up.

I’m starting to fantasise about starting again with someone who is crazy about me. It’s what I crave, and I feel like I’m too young to feel stuck in this kind of rut. I’ve got tears in my eyes just writing this. And I’ve tried talking to him about how unwanted I feel sometimes and he promises it’ll change but it never does. I feel awful but sometimes I think about my exes or starting again with someone else and it doesn’t feel like it would be wrong.

Please could someone give me some advice about how to fix this?

Op I have been married twice. Once in my early 20's and my marriage that I have been in for the last 40+ years.
My first husband (within the 14 months we actually lived together as a married couple) showed no interest in us having a sex life, having fun together, or enjoying each others company. I'd arrange outings, holidays etc, he would be okay for a while and revert to being morose, and uncommunicative.
I agonised a long time about giving up on my very brief marriage, and indeed people were a little judgmental (this was the 1970's) but it was the best thing I did and in the end it was like a burden had been lifted when he left.
Life is too short OP, give yourself a time scale, but don't worry about calling time on a relationship that in your eyes is going nowhere, you are far too young, and life is far too short to be miserable,

Thank you for your wise words @HazelBite it’s good to hear from people who’ve been here. I don’t think my family and friends would judge me (at least not to my face!) and I’ve got a good support network but I’d still feel like I’d horribly let them all down. Especially my parents and in laws who contributed to our wedding financially and with their time.

I would want to feel like I’d given it a bloody good go before I gave up though especially knowing how much fun we used to have together.

Could anyone give me any advice on how to go about arranging couples counselling? Do I just google it and phone up whoever comes top? Is it expensive?

word of mouth is definitely best.

Do you know anyone who is a counsellor? They often know of others in the town and who to recommend

I had a friend who got married and split up within a year. He was devastated, and felt that he had failed. I'll never forget the comment he made though, he said that he had always believed that you could work through any problem together, what he hadn't realised was that you both had to want to.

I have often reflected on that. I have been married for 21 years this year, and while we have had moments, and better and worse seasons, I have never doubted that we both actively wanted our marriage to work. That does make the difference.

Well it does sound like he wants it to work which is a start!! So run with it and get booked in for some couples counselling- as everyone here has rightly said change is hard to sustain. If you don't keep up the momentum it will stop and be harder to restart. How to find one... that's tricky. Relate is the biggest one and it's probably at least £50 a pop - once a week. But you can do an hour with one and if you aren't sure dont feel bad about switching.

OP, you can Google BACP (British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists) and search for someone in your area. Look for someone who specialises in working with couples. Counsellors/ therapists often wont make recommendations just in case they suggest someone and it really doesn't work out

I was in a relationship like this same thing. Got married and immediately felt like this. We are going for a divorce now. How are you and your marriage?

Where did things end up… I ended up having a baby and now getting divorced… so curious as you seem in a similar situation