Annoyed about this - am I unreasonable?

[Gatorgator]

Dh has worked from home (as usual) since the start of this and I’ve had the two dc all the time. I’ve not actually had any time away from them in 8 weeks. After work dh goes for a run or a walk on his own.
Now the golf course has reopened. He’s playing twice over the weekend. I’ve asked if I can meet a friend for a socially distant walk and leave the children here and apparently I can’t because I have ‘all the time’ in the week. I’ve pointed out the children are not supposed to come with me and I just want some adult conversation without being asked for something every two minutes but apparently the weekend is ‘family time’ unless it’s for golf. It’s really annoyed me. Basically if he can now golf at the weekend his life is back to normal as that’s a normal week for him. Working from home, golf all day on a Saturday.
Whereas I’ve not seen anyone for weeks and weeks apart from my children and him and not even him all that much.
I only wanted an hour. He’s gone off on one about it.

Why are you asking? Just bloody go.

He sounds like an awful cunt!

Why are you accepting this?

Because he’s really arsey about it. He said don’t you want to spend some time together (he doesn’t usually get out of bed until noon at the weekend anyway) and I said well you’re going to play golf. And then he said well I’ve no time in the week, you’ve got all the time in the week so go then.

I could cry. I just want an hour to myself. With another adult. Without someone asking me for a drink / cake / a wee every five minutes.

Tell him he is a cunt and go anyway.

No point asking twats like this, just leave.

And maybe dont go back!

Why are you asking his permission tho? He's not your boss or owner. You're an autonomous adult, you don't need to ask him, you just tell him that's what you're doing. You just make arrangements to see your friend and go.

If you don't dare, then your relationship isn't just unequal, it's abusive.

He is an utterly selfish bastard, I'd be kicking off big time and refusing to cook clean or do anything.

So he's told you to go in the week. While he's wfh, leave the kids with him and go. He told you to.

Did he ask you to play golf???

Well, go in the week then and make sure that the kids know Daddy is looking after them. He’ll soon realise you don’t have all the time in the week when he’s trying to work and look after the kids.

Wow. He is clearly awful. Selfish, controlling, and manipulative.

Leave him. You'll get regular time alone on his access days.

Jeez, YANBU at all! When is he suggesting that you go in the week? Go then, even if your friend isn't free, go by yourself.

He's being absolutely ridiculous.

Oh no, that really isn't on. He gets time on his own having a walk or run every day after he finishes work, and now he's going to be out on a jolly on Saturday all day as well.

When do you get time on your own? To do what you want?

He is taking the piss and you are not in the slightest bit unreasonable to want him to have the children for a while so you can go out.

No he just booked the golf with his friend.
It’s just no appreciation of the fact that although it’s not as important as his job or as hard - it’s relentless looking after a preschooler and a primary aged child. I just would like a break. I’m getting irritable with the children and I know just an hour or so away from them and the house would help. It isn’t their fault, it’s just relentless.

You know YANBU.
What does he actually bring to family life? Does he have any redeeming qualities?

He's being massively unreasonable.

You both need time away from family life - he plays golf and you should be going on a walk.

Just go! He's not the boss of you and the dc are his to parent too.

Or go in the week like he said, an hour a day during the week, give him the kids and he can look after them in his lunch break. Do it every fucking day.

Selfish prick! I'm afraid I couldn't stay with someone who so completely disregards my well-being and thinks only if himself. He's treating you like the hired help.

Go at 5pm in the week when he knocks off work - get him to do dinner/bath/bed for the kids

Go for a nice 2 hour walk, 3 nights in a row - that's a round of golf

See how he likes looking after them for an unexpected 6 hours

A- who the fuck put him in charge
B- why are you asking
C- give him the kids when he finishes work and go out at least 3 times a week, go a walk, see your friends, sit in the car and read a book if you have to
D- leave the selfish, self centred prick at your first opportunity

He obviously have no respect or live for you and has no thought or concern for your happiness

It just annoys me that he’s all ‘family time at the weekend’. But only when it suits him.

Tell him you booked a round of golf between 1pm to 2pm (i.e his lunch) on a weekday, take his golf clubs, tell him you'll see him in an hour.

Come back, forget the golf clubs.

/thread.

It has been asked a few times and you're ignoring the question. Why are you asking?!!! I'm assuming you need permission for a lot of things in your relationship?

This is it...It will never change.

Well... unless you change it!

@LaurieFairyCake and @copycopypaste have the right idea. Don't be a doormat, you aren't setting a good example to the DC. If he gets arsey about you going out at 5 o'clock then he has to negotiate his golf time away. Please do it OP

I found that really sad to read . His lack of care for you and what you need is ignores totally. In fact he manipulates the situation all round. This would be a massive red flag for me and I would be looking at ways to leave such a selfish man . You deserve so much more